My Own Worst Enemy (HU SNG)

    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      My own worst enemy

      so fuck it either way i can't lose.


      Do i need to introduce myself? :f_biggrin: If you want to read more about how i got where i am at this point i suggest reading the first post of my old blog (and the older ones). Which would give you a pretty good insight of my poker journey.

      Yes yet another blog. I think it's like the 4th :f_confused: While i definetly was planning to take my old blog "Time to grind" very seriously. And i was putting more effort into poker then i ever had before. The blog didn't quite go as i wanted. I mostly keep rambling on about my thoughts and often post on mega-tilt venting my frustration. It makes my blog pretty hard to read. And honestly, i wouldn't read my own blog despite that i feel there are some very valuable things written there.

      This blog i'm going to approach it in a more professonial way. And just keep it a lot cleaner. My first and for most reason to write blogs has always been to track my progress as i developed. I think i've written some pretty good valuable posts in my old blog. So i will be copying some stuff from there. Since this isn't so much a new blog as a continuation of the last. I'm just writing it with a different plan.

      I'm currently playing Headsup sng's. I'm planning to also learn tournaments and cash in the future but i'm not sure when or if i am. I mainly play no blind increase and regular hu sng's because i feel like my edge is the biggest in those.

      That's pretty much it. If you got any questions feel free to ask. Will be posting more in the next few posts (What a surprise :s_confused: ). So please wait before posting.
  • 5 replies
    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      Blog Title

      The blog title. "My own worst enemy so fuck it either way i can't lose". Is a quote from J.Cole - premeditated murder. He's one of my favourite english rappers at the moment. I find it really applying to me and poker at this time.

      I chose it because i'm very harsh when it comes to judging how i played. I'm quite the perfectionist especially when it comes to poker. So no matter what happens i'm likely to beat myself up way more then anyone else could when i make a stupid mistake. The other reason is that i've been very prone to tilting lately. I used to be very tilt resistant but nothing of that mindset seems to be left. So my biggest challenge isn't the opponent but actually my own mind.

      Poker the past month.

      I've had very mixed feelings towards the past month. I reached silverstar on pokerstars and gold status on pokerstrategy for the first time this month. And it's quite an accomplishment for me since grinding has always been one of my major weaknesses for lack of a better word. I've played amazing poker. Made the sickest calls. I even played a few husng's nearly perfectly for the first time ever. Where my biggest mistake was getting it in with 66 being ahead 3 to 1. Which is very standard vs almost any player. On the other hand i've been pushing myself a lot to play more poker. Actually playing 8 hours of husng in one day a week ago.

      I'm up overall last month despite half my total husngs since feb22 being played in may. I'm actually running massively above EV while i felt i wasn't even lucky at all. So that's pretty interesting. Overall i don't think i should have been much above breakeven last month. Since i played on tilt or after being awake for 20+ hours a few times.

      till about the 300 mark was 22feb- may 1. and from there on it's all the husng i played in may. 2 tabling the $7 regs a lot. I also played some $15 nbi when i could get action and $15 regs occasionaly. Very unhappy with it to be honest. Running at about 10% ROI single-tabling and 5% 2 tabling. I think my single-tabling ROI should be a lot higher then that honestly.

      Current plans

      While being very unhappy with my results thus far. I know there's no one else to blame but myself for it. So what i'm going to do is. Firstly. reread the poker mindset thoroughly and do all the exercises in the book to regain a solid mindset. Secondly i still got a premium husng subscription so i'm going to try to study 5 videos a week. This might not seem like a lot. But i write down all interesting hands and plays and thought processes etc. So it usually takes me around 2 hours to review just one vid of 40-60 minutes. Last but no least about amonth ago i played a very sick husng multitabler. He was playing 17 husng at the same time :f_o: It's beyond ridiculous. It made me realise though that. If you really want to succeed in poker you need to put in the hours. You can be the best in the world but if you don't play enough time or tables you'll never make it to the top.

      so i got 2 options. Either i become the standard 2 tabling husng player. or i become a 4+ husng sick multitabler. I'm personally more leaning towards the latter yet i'm quite bad at 2 talbing at this time. This would make it easier to put in good volume however and perhaps bad beats would affect me less as i'd focus less on one tournament when playing. In general i'm planning to just study a lot more then i have before.

      Summary of plans[june goals]:
      [ ] Reread pokermindset and solve tilt issues.
      [ ] Read mathematics of poker.
      [ ] watch 20 videos.
      [ ] 2-4+ table $7 husngs. try and get action at $15 nbi.
      [ ] Study and analyse my game frequently. Regularly posting hands.
      [ ] Make several indepth posts covering one of the points of improvement.
      [ ] play 60+ hours of husng.
      [ ] Reach goldstar on pokerstars

      Points of improvement

      Either weak points in my game or things i've never really thought about. Not necessarily things or spots i play bad in. But rather that i just assumed blindly from articles/videos without really thinking about it. Will try to make a long post covering one of these topics several times a month.

      - bet sizing: preflop, flop/turn/river but cbet and 2nd barrel in particular
      - overbetting pot / overbet shoving (river)
      - donkbetting flop/turn/river.
      - check/raising flops/turns
      - late game strategy next to shoving
      - late game calling ranges
      - 3/4bet strategy
      - playing 3/4 bet pots
      - betting weak/below half pot to induce LAG/maniacs to bluff reraise.
      - betting river thin for value to induce hero calls. And perhaps turning it into a cheap bluff as opponent stops calling them with Ax/Kx.
    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      There's no such thing as a downswing

      My view on downswings and the correct approach towards them. Kinda ironic since i'm such a massive tilt monkey myself. So perhaps i should reread my own advice?

      There's no such thing as a "downswing"

      currently i'm down about 12 buyins since my peak. Alot of people would call this a downswing. However, i don't believe in downswings. There is no such thing as a downswing and they don't exist. I think it's very important to realise this as a poker player. Despite this i'll still call a losing streak a downswing since it's the term everyone calls it.

      Downswings a self-fulfilling prophecy?

      The cards are dealt randomly each time. Ofcourse it is possible you will get unlucky more then you deserve in a short period of time. Often this will get in your head. When your expecting to run bad i think it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What i mean by this is by thinking your on or going to go on a downswing you very likely are because you consciously or unconsciously adjust your game. Your running terribly and you go into the next hand thinking "I run so bad", "He'll probably just suck out on me again this hand", "Ugh this downswing is so sick". Now this is a terrible way to go into a new hand. And your very likely tilting if you think like that while your playing. It may not be to the extreme of throwing your laptop to the wall but it's very likely it affects your play in some way.

      You might even turn into a losing or breakeven player because of that tilt. You might move up in stakes where your edge is even smaller or very likely are a losing player. I don't think i have to explain that doing that can very easily clean out your bankroll. You might keep playing while your not playing your A game anymore trying to get breakeven. Now this is especially bad because your already likely running badly and then your also not playing your A game making it even worse. You might also adjust your game more agressively trying to make the money back. However since your A game should already be doing the most +EV plays doing this is always a bad idea. It's likely you will become a losing player or that you will shove too lose... And when you lose a few more coinflips in a row or get a little unlucky it's likely your going to start tilting really bad and spewing away your money.

      All of this combined is why i think players go on long periods of losing money in poker. And are going on "downswings" way longer then they should have.

      "I just feel that downswing is comming"

      Many players have superstitions about downswings. I think we've all read quite a few of them i'll put name some of them. Obviously by believing this you apply the self-fulfilling prophecy. You might even just jokingly believe in it. But if you do run bad immediately after it happens then your probably going to tilt and actually go on a "downswing".

      Getting a downswing when you cash out:
      Your bankroll has less buyins. And therefore each time you lose it's going to affect you more. Simply don't play without the proper brm so losses don't affect you much.

      Getting a downswing when you move up:
      It's very likely you will adjust your game when your scared of moving up. The most obvious adjustment would be playing tight to "test out the new waters". While this isn't very dangerous too your bankroll it could very easily make you a losing player because your just playing way too obvious or tight to beat that limit.

      Getting a "downswing" after you've been on an "upswing":
      I've read this one quite a few times. and it's so extremely silly. Past and present results do not affect eachother. If you run $1000 above EV this month it doesn't mean your going to run $1000 under EV the next. There is absolutely no correlation between past and present results. As much as poker players like to believe it. Variance does not have memory. But why do you so often see "downswings" after "upswings" in poker graphs? My explanation to this is that players are often less inclined to study when they're winning a lot of money. They probably stop analyzing hands and study as much as they normally do. They might even stop doing it completely because they're already winning so much. When you stop studying and analyzing your game is going to slowly get worse. And this combined with a string of bad cards is not going to be good for your bankroll.

      Getting a downswing when posting/saying you run bad:
      I believe this is mostly the self-fulfilling prophecy. There's not much else to it.

      So what should you do when your on a "downswing"?

      There's already been written so many things on what you should do during downswings. So i won't really go into this too much.

      What should you do?
      - Play less and study even more. Analyse your game, watch videos, read articles etc.
      - Go into each hand with a fresh mind.
      - When you notice your tilting or thinking irrational then take a break
      - Set a stop loss limit is very beneficial for a lot of people so you don't lose too much money. Example: after losing 4 buy-ins you stop playing
      - Be really honest about how your playing. If you know your playing badly then don't keep playing.

      What shouldn't you do?
      - "Grind it out" or "trying to get breakeven" when your obviously tilting (read: not playing your A game)
      - Playing on tilt
      - Study less when on a downswing or upswing.

      How to stop tilt?
      I think the best way to stop tilting is to rationalize it.
      - How do you adjust your game when your tilting. Recognizing when you tilt is the first step in stopping it.
      - Find out what exactly makes you tilt.
      - Figure out a way to deal with the tilt

      - Once you know that you will be able to recognize when your tilting. You will be able to stop the session so you don't spew away money. By figuring out what makes you tilt. Which varies alot obviously. But you have to teach yourself why that shouldn't make you tilt and really get it into your head. Write it down on a piece of paper and stick it above your computer screen. or when you feel your tilting keep repeating your tilt adjustments out loud like some sort of mantra. like: "3 betting more often will not win me back my money". If that's what you do when you tilt. Or perhaps just take a small break, get some fresh air. Just find out what works for you to stop tilting.

      You should not fear failure

      you should fear not doing everything you can to succeed

      This is one of my favorite posts i made on my last blog. It's not that interesting. But it's a reminder for myself. To always try my best and doing everything i can to succeed in what i do.

      It might have been said already (what hasn't? :D ) but i thought of this quote today. It's true for me and maybe many people. I have such a fear of failure and not succeeding that it will discourage me to actually try my best and hardest at something. I will just worry so much and over analyze everything and then convince myself the situation is a lost cause that i won't bother doing everything i can to make it work. A much better approach to life is to stop worrying and doing everything you can to make it better. If you still fail you can at least say you did everything you could and have no regrets. While when you give up you will always have that feeling of regret and think "What if i tried harder?"

      Probably one of my favorite verses from a rap song is from: Lupe Fiasco's - Words I Never Said. One of my favorite lines is "Fear is such a weak emotion, that's why i despise it". Which ofcoure relates to the subject i already mentioned so i won't go in depth about that..

      I think that all the silence is worse than all violence
      Fear is such a weak emotion, that's why I despise it
      We're scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
      So scared of what you think of me, I'm scared of even telling you
      Sometimes I'm like the only person I feel safe to tell it to
      I'm locked inside a cell in me, I know that there's a jail in you
      Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath inhale a few
      My screams is finally gettin free, my thoughts is finally yellin through

      For the ones interested in just that verse it starts at 3:22 although the whole song is worth listening too :f_biggrin:


      I had to turn safe search ON to find a picture of her i could post here :D
    • fusionpk
      Joined: 21.01.2010 Posts: 1,683
      haha whats her name? :f_love:
    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      Originally posted by fusionpk
      haha whats her name? :f_love:
      Madison Ivy. Probably not a good idea to google her at work ;)
    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      Been about a month since my last post. I've actualy not played any poker during this time. I've achieved many long-term goals i had this year in poker. like silverstar on pokerstars and proving to myself i indeed was a longterm profitable player at "decent" stakes. I've also showed i can grind it out.

      But the cost was simply too high. I completely lost my balance in life. And i was constantly thinking about poker and only poker. When i was in bed at night i'd think about why people play certain spots in a certain way and figure out the most profitable way to play in such spots. This mindset led to a lot of stress and frustration when things were going downhill.

      I'm quite happy with my life as it is now. I don't have the perfect balance i want yet. And till i accomplish that i won't return to playing poker. It really made me realise how important it is to have balance in life. Poker should be an addition to your life not become what your whole life revolves around.
      I've considered quitting poker permanently since it's never been worth the time i've invested in it so far. Yet during this last month i've realised. I really love the game.. Nothing else in life challenges me like poker does. It makes me want to constantly improve my game.

      Will i return to poker atleast as a casual player? very likely
      Will i return to poker with intentions of becomming a pro? probably not
      Will i return to these forums? probably not either.

      In reality i could however never become a true casual player. As the game itself makes me constantly want to get better at it and win. But more casual in the sense of just doing it for fun and putting quality over quantity in terms of playing amount.

      So this is sort of a goodbye to these forums. I'm sure plenty are happy to see me gone. To those i say: Fuck you too :f_biggrin: