One Man’s Mission to Become an Adjective

    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Good news everybody: here’s another blog.

      I’m going to skip the biographical introduction that a few blogs have. The “profile style” intro somehow feels more appropriate to dating sites. Moreover, I think that instead of stating that I have, say, a “GSOH”, it’s far better to write something that enables the reader to form his/her own conclusion about any of my senses, good or bad.

      Let the blog itself reveal character.

      It is enough to know, at this stage, that I’m English and emotional control deserts me when I spot a Bohemian-looking woman wearing a hat. As a consequence of the latter, I play poker surrounded by naked female mannequins, as their uniformity and baldness serves as a potent distraction minimiser.

      Any other biographical details should come from the posts as I aim to be a regular contributor to the community. Yes, you read that right – Happy Christmas, indeed.

      However, given the nature of this community, I should state that I play 50NL, MTTs, with the occasional Double-Up thrown in if I’m less than gripped by the film I’m watching.

      The title of the blog comes, partly, from a fondness for film. I’ll explain more later, but first a bit about my PokerStrategy nickname. I used to title myself after the first thing I spotted on my desk at the time of poker account creation, largely because dull, banal handles tend not to be in high demand.

      Consequently, if you spot someone at the poker table called “MilkCarton”, “DentalFloss”, or “NeglectedGoalsList”, there is a fair chance that is me.

      However, a friend had told me that, should I join PokerStrategy, I would probably find myself wanting to contribute.

      I found the site. I went to create an account. I looked at my desk. I saw the NHS “Tangle” (tm).

      I thought: no. This has to stop.

      And so I thought about names of characters from American fiction.

      “Fingers Malone” was born from the evolutionary unlikely union of authors Damon Runyon and Raymond Chandler. Fingers Malone was meant to be mysterious, cool, sophisticated. He was not meant to pound the desk when the river completes his opponent’s flush. He was also not meant to refer to himself in the third person.

      Nor was he meant to aspire to be an adjective; but, little did I know at the time of his conception, that I might need a theme, a structure and a goal for a poker blog.

      People can become adjectives.

      The expression “Fellinesque”, was created because an Italian had such an individual style of filmmaking that people began to associate certain sights with his work.

      In a similar fashion, I want future poker players to say, “Shit. You see that play? That shit was Malonesque”, preferably in the voice of The Wire’s Clay Davis.

      It is a tough goal, I know, but I believe that, with the support of this community and lavish helpings of sickly “wind beneath my wings” metaphors, I can do it.

      However, there may come a time when I have to accept that the best I can be is a noun.

      If the act of calling the flop with nothing in an attempt to induce an opponent to check/fold can become known as “The float”, I think there could be a time when another play is called “The Malone.”

      At the moment, there is a danger that it could denote the act of casually pushing all of your chips into the middle when your opponent has the nuts and watching him trouser all the cash.

      Alternatively, “The Malone” could simply become the handle for the little window that appears and asks,

      “Would you like to buy more chips?”
  • 322 replies
    • Wriggers
      Wriggers
      Bronze
      Joined: 21.07.2009 Posts: 3,250
      Brilliant intro :D I hope to see more of these long-winded but vastly entertaining posts in here :f_biggrin:
    • RedHeater
      RedHeater
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.10.2010 Posts: 219
      Originally posted by Wriggers
      Brilliant intro :D I hope to see more of these long-winded but vastly entertaining posts in here :f_biggrin:

      I think you have it.


      Malone - A long winded, but nevertheless vastly entertaining post.
    • MrMardyBum
      MrMardyBum
      Bronze
      Joined: 14.03.2009 Posts: 2,206
      Great first blog post - If you stick a post in the beginners questions section someone there will sort your siggy for you also :)

      Subscribed :)
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Originally posted by MrMardyBum
      Great first blog post - If you stick a post in the beginners questions section someone there will sort your siggy for you also :)

      Argghhhhh.

      Seethe.

      Will do that.

      And ty for the comments all....
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      I was doing a session review tonight and it served as a strong reminder that it is currently pantomime season here in the UK.

      (Past prime celebs are pelted with popcorn on a stage in a village that ends with “ham”. Sometimes they have unfortunate incidents involving beanstalks. A lot of the time they have unfortunate incidents involving cocaine.)

      Grown-ups cry.

      Kids cry out.

      According to the hand re-player, it appears that the left hemisphere of my brain spends its time bawling “he’s got a set”; but the right side is screaming “Oh no, he hasn’t.”

      The conflict appears to be causing me some distress: I clicked on a note on one of my adversaries, written mid-session.

      Instead of reading “Talented, aggressive opponent who forces decisions by using creative lines”, it spewed a nasty four letter word.

      I spent twenty minutes trying to convince myself it was an acronym for “call underbet next time.”
    • suitedaces1701
      suitedaces1701
      Platinum
      Joined: 30.10.2011 Posts: 661
      Interesting blog! I'll follow :)
    • MrMardyBum
      MrMardyBum
      Bronze
      Joined: 14.03.2009 Posts: 2,206
      Originally posted by FingersMalone


      Instead of reading “Talented, aggressive opponent who forces decisions by using creative lines”, it spewed a nasty four letter word.

      I spent twenty minutes trying to convince myself it was an acronym for “call underbet next time.”
      :s_o: ... :f_biggrin: .... :f_cool:
    • jbpatzer
      jbpatzer
      Bronze
      Joined: 22.11.2009 Posts: 6,944
      Hello Fingers. Glad to see you started a blog. If you couldn't become an adjective, would someone saying 'You've been Fingered!' count as successful assimilation into the English language?
    • bjela
      bjela
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      Joined: 11.06.2010 Posts: 1,012
      Awesome start to the blog, will follow :)
    • matel17
      matel17
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.07.2010 Posts: 1,278
      Well if poker doesn't work out, you can definitely be a writer :s_cool:

      Good luck Fingers
    • Wacko118
      Wacko118
      Bronze
      Joined: 21.06.2009 Posts: 300
      Epic intro, will definitely be following this one.

      I tried having a blog once but failed entirely as i cant write interestingly. Probably why i do a chemistry degree :)

      Good luck in your goals.
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Originally posted by jbpatzer
      Hello Fingers. Glad to see you started a blog. If you couldn't become an adjective, would someone saying 'You've been Fingered!' count as successful assimilation into the English language?
      I actually thought about that...

      Someone else suggested I should drop the "M" and I could then provide the curtain closing image for the final episode of Desperate Housewives.

      Everyone's a comedian.....
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Thanks to everyone who has posted so far.

      I'll post regularly and I'll also contribute to other people's blogs in the very near future.

      You have been warned....
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      As might be suggested by the previous post, my relationship with HEM’s hand re-player is complicated.

      In this area only, I feel a bit like Jonny Wilkinson, the soon to be retired English rugby player. He tried to imagine he was under twenty-four hour surveillance and that, just before he went to bed each night, his mistakes were played back to him. As he put it, “I want to feel I've done absolutely all I can to move forward in my life. I need that intense self-scrutiny."

      Even if the majority of us are some way from that level of intensity, the hand re-player helps the poker player achieve some of that and is, obviously, essential. However, I’ve lately started to wonder if I’m not becoming keener on reviewing hands than playing them.

      I have to be careful.

      A session review can become the pipe and slippers version of poker. It doesn’t cause any nasty emotional reactions that may lead otherwise polite English chaps to start a payback list. That can be quite seductive to the middle aged: Why play a game that makes you feel pressurised, when instead you can just boil some broth, crack out a blanket and replay a few hands?

      It could become so comfortable that I find myself sleepwalking into poker retirement and content to review past glories.

      No. That can’t happen.

      I must fight, I must rage.

      When Jonny eventually hangs up his boots, he can review a dramatic last minute drop kick that wins a World Cup.

      At this stage, the best I can manage is the poker equivalent of some bozo who, after one too many swigs of the old giggle juice, tussles with some lousy nickel-snatcher and treats him to some chin music.

      I ain’t going out like that.
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Key Realisation of a Leak No 4,892:

      Sensible people are right when they suggest that you shouldn't have too many distractions when you play online poker.

      During a session yesterday, I was half listening to a radio phone-in about families on a budget for Christmas.

      It was a tad difficult to maintain the required ruthlessness at 50NL when I heard this female caller:

      "We had to tell our kids that they were not getting any presents this year as Daddy and I had lost our jobs.

      Our eldest, 6, said: That's ok Mum, we'll still have the ones from Father Christmas."
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      I've had a few days aways from the tables as I've been having a Malone Christmas with the extended Malones:



      Uploaded with ImageShack.us

      So, it is with a totally clear head that I will open the tables tomorrow and start my campaign of poker terror for 2012.

      So, whatever you're doing tonight, have a great time.

      All the best for the New Year.
    • FingersMalone
      FingersMalone
      Bronze
      Joined: 30.06.2011 Posts: 381
      Last night's session saw me wearing a jacket, slacks and listening to Beethoven.

      It was the unintended consequence of reading Jared Tendlar's The Mental Game of Poker, twice.

      I suspect I suffer from a combination of what he calls Entitlement Tilt and Accumulated Emotion.

      It is both eye and wardrobe-opening.

      The music is meant to keep me relaxed.

      The clothing is meant to help me break out of destructive patterns, although I suspect that I looked like someone dressed for the Riviera, not deepest Croydon.

      (I should stress that it was my idea. Jared's book is very helpful but it does not offer sartorial tips.)
    • MrMardyBum
      MrMardyBum
      Bronze
      Joined: 14.03.2009 Posts: 2,206
      Finally an update!

      I still haven't read this book.. :facepalm:

      Anyway, hope you had a great Christmas and New Years, and that 2012 is a great year for you (apocalypse aside obviously :coolface: ).

      How are your sessions going now by the way? I hope you are getting further from your thoughts/feelings of retirement. :)
    • trickybob
      trickybob
      Bronze
      Joined: 28.07.2010 Posts: 914
      Hi Fingers,

      Very funny blog. I will be following.

      On the subject of forty-something Brits, seeing as there appear to be a few of us, I wonder what the collective noun should be?