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Getting my losses back

    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      I'll just try to make this long story short. Things are just going totally wrong for me at the moment. This must be the reason I'm opening this blog right now. Just a few moments ago I went on the biggest tilt of my life, I joined a NL200 HU table and got dealt AA. The guy went all-in, I eagerly pressed that call button in order to double my bankroll and get a stunning amount of money on my hands (not that stunning, but for my bankroll it would have been awesome). Well, I had 82% chances to win against QKs, but sadly he caught a diamond on the river that made him a flush.

      And that flush flushed down almost all of my savings, too. You have no idea how horrible this feels. I'm still totally depressed, but opening this blog makes me feel better, so bear with me.

      So, here I am, left with just a small bankroll. Let me go back to the beginning. On the 17th of December I posted on these forums proclaiming my huge win of $718 by winning a $5 tournament with 780 players. Life was nice, seeing I'm only 18 years old, it was the largest amount of money I've ever had to spend. But I decided why wouldn't I double, triple all of this money? But sadly, it seems I just didn't have enough experience.

      For 14 days I've been playing now I've lost about $200. I raged out today after getting a few bad beats and what I described in the first paragraph happened next. Ended up losing about $500 in these 14 days. So I'm left with the small remainder.

      For the moment, I'd rather keep my personal info a secret. I can tell you, however, I'm 18 years old (a suspiciously high amount of 18 yo's are playing poker) and I'm from Slovenia (and, no, that's not the same as Slovakia - just Google it).

      I've been playing poker for like 3 years already, but I've only started playing for money since I was 18. Since then I've lost a decent amount of money already, but I'm hoping to put an end to this.

      So, I'm withdrawing some of the remaining money just in case I lose this whole bankroll. I need to have something to live on. I decided to leave just a bit over €100 for poker (a bit below $140). So that's my current and my starting bankroll. I'm starting fresh, ready to grind up the limits.

      To be honest, at the moment I'm pretty messed up, so any words to make me feel better would be highly appreciated. :rolleyes:

      Short-term Goals (January):
      :heart: Play at least 3500 hands per week (avg. of 500 per day)
      :heart: Consequently I should get around 14k hands in January
      :heart: Still leave enough time for studying and myself
      :heart: Beat NL4 and move to NL10
      :heart: Post hands on the forums, update the blog frequently, ask questions, help members, videos, all that sort of crap
      :heart: Don't ever again (GOD DAMN) go on a tilt that will cost you a good deal of your bankroll

      2012 Goals:
      :heart: Beat NL25 (maybe even NL50?)
      :heart: Turn the $140 into at least $1500

      Lifetime Goals:
      :heart: Play at a huge live event with a buy-in of at least €500
      :heart: Never deposit any money from my own money (build up from $140)
      :heart: Become a professional poker player and make a living with poker (maybe, depending on how school and things will run out)?

      Not sure, am I setting my January and 2012 goals too high? Judging on my previous experiences, and if I won't be tilting, achieving $1500 by the end of the year is a goal that could quite easily be completed. I'm just eager to progress quickly and I'm willing to learn a whole lot.

      Anyhow, I don't plan to play any SnG's, tournaments etc. I'll just try and focus on 6-max cash games on PartyPoker.

      Any suggestions are welcome, and I'll also do my best to keep this blog updated and my bankroll rolling high.

      Love you all :heart:
  • 18 replies
    • IngridN
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      Hey Tunatic,

      wow, sorry to read about all this :(

      But you know what they say, new year comes with new hope and packed with goodies!

      Best to study your play and make sure you don't tilt from now on. It's nothing you can do about the past right? Only learn from it.

      I'm so proud of you to go back to NL4 and start again but sometimes we must review from the basics and its not always a bad thing. I know this isn't very helpful but you're young and ambitious.. imagine poker players who lost 100's of thousands and they had to deal with it.

      We're here to help and encourage you :heart:

      Party Poker is good and soft but their VIP system won't give you back much, best is to go after bonuses. Titan Poker or William Hill could be also an option for you, if you clear the bonuses there after 2-3 months you could have a nice system to grind yourself up there. Since Titan clears at about 35% for cash game players and WH clears at about 30% for cash games, plus VIP systems on top so you will get some really good rakeback overall.

      For the first 2-3 months anyway, then maybe 888.

      let me know if you wanna talk through a few things, skype is in my signature
    • sucker1952
      Joined: 25.10.2011 Posts: 80
      Well i think you should try and give yourself a break. You obv made mistakes you are aware of which is good that you recognise this.

      something to ponder... 'life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards'

      At the low stakes you should stick to nitty tight agg poker and learn about theory and strategy for wwhen you reach nl25-50 and not get too worried about sml stakes that are just going to drive you crazy when the strategies that should work dont as they are not thinking players.

      Read the strategy articles on this site..they really helped me

      I'm upto nl25 now and strategy is starting to take shape.

      Im no pro but if you want help i would be more than happy

      Do you use a hud?
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      After having a short conversation with Ingrid (thank you so much :) ), I've decided to clear a $100 bonus on Party (or at least a part of it), then skip to another poker site, most likely Titan.

      @sucker1952 Thank you for your input. I do have a HUD, and I do think my play is not that bad, tilting is the only thing that keeps me from getting a profit. However, I will surely be reading a lot of articles and watching videos to keep improving my play. I might also take a break for a few days if I'll see I'm just not capable of playing poker yet. But, right now, I feel fully motivated to grind up those levels.

      So, here I am, starting my mission, building from $140.

      Writing back soon :heart:
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      Done with the first day, managed to play a bit more than 400 hands. By the end of the last session I could already feel I was not being focused enough, so I rather called it a day, before I regretted it. I even think that last drop on the graph wouldn't be there, if I took the time to think the situation through ...

      Oh, and I also realized it's going to take me about a million years to clear ANY of that $100 bonus at all. It's just a pain at NL4. Let's see if I can clear 1 installment ($10) before the bonus expires. Anyhow, I'll stay on Party until the bonus expires, and then probably move on.

      Starting bankroll was $135, I'm now standing at $140.75. I have a lot to learn.
    • iFortunatus
      Joined: 26.10.2011 Posts: 178
      Onwards and upwards mate!, I was like this before i started learning poker, i figured a $500 game is just as easy as a $5, was just for the richer!, well i got paid one month and within a day i spent a little over $2000 on high stake sng's thinking i was the Don, I didnt win a single one! this should make you feel a tiny bit better, I look back and laugh at what a fool i was i bit of more than i could chew, i figured a few wins could double my months wages, oh how wrong i was!

      I will be checking in, just grind away you'll get there in the end!
    • acetbfish
      Joined: 11.03.2011 Posts: 804
      We have about the same poker goals for 2012!!Gl man :)
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      @iFortunatus Sorry, but that certainly makes me feel better, thanks :P

      @acetbfish Yeah, I've read your blog before. Will be interesting to follow a blog similiar to mine, let's see who's going to climb the limits faster :P Best of luck to you!

      Grind continues tomorrow.
    • IngridN
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      Good to rest a bit also, take some time off for your mind, you're not in a rush or anything. Dont make important decisions in a hurry :)

      Gl tmw!
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      I must have just finished the luckiest session I've ever had since playing poker. To be honest, I deserved it, after getting my AA cracked for $200 :P

      Must post this graph because I just love the gap between EV and actual winnings.

      And some interesting hands that I should normally lose:
      PartyGaming - $0.04 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players

      BB: $3.57
      Hero (UTG): $4.21
      MP: $4.44
      CO: $4.16
      BTN: $4.00
      SB: $4.02

      SB posts SB $0.02, BB posts BB $0.04

      Pre Flop: ($0.06) Hero has A:club: K:heart:

      Hero raises to $0.16, MP raises to $0.28, fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to $1.20, MP raises to $4.44 and is all-in, Hero calls $3.01 and is all-in

      Flop: ($8.48, 2 players) 8:spade: 8:diamond: 3:club:

      Turn: ($8.48, 2 players) 6:club:

      River: ($8.48, 2 players) A:spade:

      Hero shows A:club: K:heart: (Two Pair, Aces and Eights) (Pre 30%, Flop 13%, Turn 7%)
      MP shows K:club: K:spade: (Two Pair, Kings and Eights) (Pre 70%, Flop 87%, Turn 93%)
      Hero wins $8.06

      PartyGaming - $0.04 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 4 players

      SB: $3.41
      Hero (BB): $8.68
      UTG: $4.68
      BTN: $4.00

      SB posts SB $0.02, Hero posts BB $0.04

      Pre Flop: ($0.06) Hero has J:diamond: Q:spade:

      fold, fold, SB raises to $0.12, Hero calls $0.08

      Flop: ($0.24, 2 players) 6:heart: 8:diamond: Q:heart:
      SB bets $0.16, Hero raises to $0.35, SB raises to $0.72, Hero calls $0.37

      Turn: ($1.68, 2 players) J:club:
      SB bets $1.06, Hero raises to $7.84 and is all-in, SB calls $1.51 and is all-in

      River: ($6.82, 2 players) A:heart:

      SB shows K:spade: K:diamond: (One Pair, Kings) (Pre 87%, Flop 80%, Turn 18%)
      Hero shows J:diamond: Q:spade: (Two Pair, Queens and Jacks) (Pre 13%, Flop 20%, Turn 82%)
      Hero wins $6.48

      PartyGaming - $0.04 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players

      Hero (SB): $3.92
      BB: $2.83
      UTG: $4.43
      MP: $3.52
      CO: $4.04
      BTN: $5.90

      Hero posts SB $0.02, BB posts BB $0.04

      Pre Flop: ($0.06) Hero has K:spade: K:heart:

      fold, fold, CO raises to $0.16, fold, Hero raises to $0.48, fold, CO raises to $1.16, Hero raises to $3.92 and is all-in, CO calls $2.76

      Flop: ($7.88, 2 players) 9:club: K:diamond: 3:club:

      Turn: ($7.88, 2 players) 8:spade:

      River: ($7.88, 2 players) 3:diamond:

      CO shows A:club: A:heart: (Two Pair, Aces and Threes) (Pre 82%, Flop 12%, Turn 5%)
      Hero shows K:spade: K:heart: (Full House, Kings full of Threes) (Pre 18%, Flop 88%, Turn 95%)
      Hero wins $7.49

      Bankroll $150.43

      Almost forgot the bad beat from yesterday, because I'm just focusing on the future and I'm certain I'll build my bankroll high up sooner or later. Will probably be playing some more today, just won't be posting about my progress in the blog.
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      Oh, and one more thing. I've decided to go to Titan right away. Reason? I would never clear even a fraction of the bonus at Party. So I withdrew all the funds on my PartyPoker account, and now deposited €110 to Titan.

      I'll be playing 4 tables at a time at NL4, playing in USD, but will be reporting my bankroll in EUR, since my account at Titan is in EUR. Here we go!

      Bankroll: €110
    • IngridN
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      wee! blog is full of with awesome news! :)
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      Long time no see, but what's important is that the name of this topic can finally be changed.

      I made back everything I've lost, although it's been very hard the last few couple of months. I've almost become mental and I just kept on losing money, and I felt the need to win it all back.

      However, on the 9th of February, I thought to myself. Here's my last chance. If I blow it, I'll take a long break from gambling. I deposited exactly $188 into my account at 888poker. Today, just 3 days after my bankroll there is standing at $1,220. Don't ask me how I did it, I'm not even sure myself. Obviously I didn't play the way I should. I didn't follow proper BRM at all, and I played blackjack in between. But what helped boosting my bankroll the most was winning a turbo tournament with $8 BI and a bit over 350 players. Cashed in over $650. Yay!

      So, yeah, I decided to just keep on going with my poker career, but I won't be playing much in the next few days, I need to have a break after such amount of stress the last few days. Continuation of my career means I'll also be updating this blog more often. I'm still in quite a large debt to my mobile phone provider, so I'm not going to keep on playing with such a large amount of money. I'm leaving only about $300-$400 in there. So, here are my further goals for this month:

      Short-term Goals (February 2012):
      :heart: Play at least 250 hands each day until the end of the month
      :heart: Still leave enough time for studying and myself
      :heart: Play NL10, don't concentrate on MTT's or SnG's too much
      :heart: Post hands on the forums, update the blog frequently, ask questions, help members, videos, all that sort of crap
      :heart: Don't ever again (GOD DAMN) go on a tilt that will cost you a good deal of your bankroll
      :heart: And the most important of all - stop playing side games such as BlackJack & Roulette. Poker only.

      To be honest, I really don't care much if no one follows this blog, it's mostly just to relieve myself, set myself goals etc. However, any entries will still be much appreciated. Love this community <3
    • Tunatic
      Joined: 13.03.2011 Posts: 247
      I'm unbelievable. Actually, this is the time again when I'm considering quitting online poker, it almost seems like I actually have a gambling problem.

      Even though I was living a happy life these days, spending on beer like crazy etc., I got madly stupid again and went on a tilt after losing just $20 (that's right!). Yes, I know, I failed following my goals that I had just written two days ago in my previous post. I went on a tilt AND played side games. And I played them A LOT. So much that I was already almost crying in front of the PC, when my bankroll (that I obviously didn't cash out) plummeted from $1200 to $600. I thought to myself, I just freakin' lost everything I've won in the tournament 2 days ago. To put it another way, I lost as much money in 5 minutes as my parents make in 15 days. God damn. I was literally shaking and feeling extremely depressed.

      You guys should now piss all over me for doing such a thing, even betting a single dollar on that damn game, but I just couldn't help it. After losing so much, I was tilting so hard I just bet like $300 per hand, standing from the chair, and praying at the monitor for my hands to win. Somehow, it worked, but I had to be unbelievably lucky. Seriously, next time I open that blackjack window and bet a single dollar, I should castrate myself. I know I'm totally capable of making a solid profit each month just from playing poker, but tilt is just something I can't avoid.

      So, yeah, just about an hour ago, after getting my losses back and even making some extra money I finally closed that window and I did the best thing I could. I cashed out the whole bankroll from 888poker, opened bet365, contacted support, asked them to block my side games, which they did. So yeah, bet365 is going to be my next site, I even have a smaller bonus I can clear there. I'm taking a few days completely off however, at least until I get that cashout from 888poker.

      Poker, no blackjack, please. Anyone reading this, trust me, I was just lucky, blackjack is a game that can ruin your life if you're not careful. I practically became addicted and I was on the verge of losing the whole $1,220, which is a whole lot of money to me. Learn from this story, guys.

      I'm just depositing about $250 on bet365 and will start by playing NL10 cash games. Previous goals still apply :)

      Anyways, looking at my bankroll that is currently being cashed out (which now stands at a stunning $1,400) just makes me go ...

      Let me just thank Ingrid again, and pretty much all the members of this community. Just awesome!
      Joined: 21.12.2010 Posts: 362

      Try this, I just downloaded myself and set it up... I´m sure it would help;) ...
    • aciddrop
      Joined: 08.10.2006 Posts: 1,519
      I don't think you should castrate yourself, or anything as drastic as that.

      What you need to address is that you have a serious problem. You lack discipline, and possibly the ability, at this stage of your life, to have any reasonable chance to acquire it.

      I would suggest that you cash out your remaining money while you still have it. If $600 is what your parents can make in 15 days, then make them a gift of it, as they will surely appreciate that. Keeping the money for yourself will be no good, because I am willing to bet that you have no more discipline offline than on.

      What a true gambling addict really craves is the monster roller coaster ride, which always, ALWAYS, ends in the monster crash. And this is really the point. At the end, you get to really loathe yourself, indulging in recrimination and self hatred to the point of despair. Then you get yourself up to do it again.

      While you're still just 18, with many years of potential happiness and fulfilment ahead of you, give up this shit, and work out what it is that you hate about yourself. Then change. The pain won't be worse.

      Don't wait.
    • ArtisSkirpa
      Joined: 20.11.2009 Posts: 83
      To be honest i agree with what aciddrop said. Just give up gambling altogether, it's just clearly not for you. I've had some incredibly bad runs to my way of becoming a semi-pro, but I've never ever even thought of opening up a side game or playing a limit that's way above my bankroll.

      Let alone sitting down at a blackjack table and betting like 1/3 of my bankroll on a single hand or something like that. This is not even tilt, tilt is when you make series of bad calls or just do stuff that's completely irrational playing at your standard limit. What's going on with you is a serious gambling problem that's not just gonna go away by making a site ban your sidegames, you're gonna find a way to gamble for a ton of money by sitting down at a 5/10 table or depositing on a different site.

      If you're so easily irritable and show such a lack of self-control, poker is just not for you. Some people's personalities are just not suited for certain careers or hobbies and I'm fairly convinced that yours is just not suited for poker. Sure you can work on it, but in your case it would require a ton of work, and it may not prove worth it.

      I don't mean to sound harsh or discouraging but I just really think that poker/gambling is not for you. You're still in high school, right? I'm sure you can find a better career for yourself, one that's not gonna give you a chance to drive yourself into serious debts and depression.

      If you do however wanna continue with poker, I suggest that you work on your discipline and tillt-control really hard before you even think of playing another hand of poker.
    • maheepsangari
      Joined: 08.06.2010 Posts: 2,163
      Ok I won't be too hard on you but here's what my opinion about all of this is. Right now you are going through something that many people go through when they start playing poker. I too have done stuff that you have done, I too played blackjack while playing poker, its just that my story was at a far smaller scale than yours. I started with a small bankroll I won from a free-roll and did everything that you did and lacked the discipline that you lack. I used to break my home games and thought I was a good player. I looked at the hands you posted on this blog and I used to play the exact same way ( which is very wrong by the way). NL200 is no joke, actually the level of game that you have right now even NL25 is no joke.

      Discipline will come with practice and thats what you need. You need to come clean with yourself and identify why you wanna play in the first place. There is a certain amount of maturity required which you may lack at your age but it comes with experience. I would recommend that you spend the next few days just learning the game. Decide which format you wanna play and try to master that first so either stick to cash games or tourneys or whatever you want but learn about them as much as you can. There is a very good reason for bankroll management and you need to realize that first which will only happen when you research it. Your AA losing to KQs ruined your life for sometime cause it was NL200, had it been NL10 you would have just smiled and moved on, thats a short example of what bankroll management does to you. If you wanna go pro someday you need to be open to the idea of having 100 buy in rule instead of 25 buy in rule because you need to be more conservative with the problems you have right now. Trust me many pros follow the 100 BI rule.

      Why not start the No Limit Beginner Course if you wanna play cash games and that could start you off on a good spot, play Full ring for some time at perhaps NL10 (even if you have a much bigger bankroll) and them slowly move up the limits. I remember Veriz said in one of his coachings that you play lower limits so that your mistakes don't cost you much and you should work on your game rather than winning, money will flow later when your game is developed and I think thats what you need. Move to NL10 or NL5 and just work on your game, read articles, watch videos attend coachings, post hands etc. After a few months when you notice how much your game has improved you'll start moving up the limits. Your tilts won't cost you anything cause I believe you have a big enough bankroll for lower limits where you can learn to laugh off bad beats instead of going crazy. Thats how you'll get disciplined with experience.

      One last thing, don't set any money targets or anything like that, instead your targets now should be to perhaps finish a set amount of articles or perhaps go through with and complete Beginners Course, take a set amount of quizzes or read some books on poker in the next few months. Winning $1200 is very short term and won't get you far.
    • IngridN
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      wow, guys. All I can add to this is that respect for you to be honest and respect for everyone who commented and be kind enough to write such wall of text and be helpful instead of chopping his head off.

      I'm sure you already know about Jared but here is a thread where he helped many others to understand tilt and suggest ways to deal with it.

      +++Q&A with Jared Tendler!!+++

      Although, I'm also not sure if the issue here is with tilt or just you getting frustrated over losing $20 bucks and search for answers at the casino tables and simply gamble. I just blogged about variance and going certain amount of bb's down from your bankroll (downswings or break-even stretch) is part of poker just as folding or raising. If you get so upset over "almost" no loss is not normal :(

      Have you tried to read about this and educate yourself a little? If you serious about poker its time put down the mouse and pick up a few books and study more about the mental energy/game you need to have to handle this game.

      I know it's not easy but think what would have happened if you've lost all your br? switching poker room will not solve your issue.

      Mindset and proper bankroll management is something that many of us underestimate but they are fundamentals of poker.