Being honest with myself...

    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      After massive problems in my personal life, a small downswing and a lot of alcohol I spewed my bankroll on 1knl going allin preflop... I still remember this inner feeling, wanting to lose it all so i can feel free, free from stress, free from commitment to the game...

      It was inevitable this would happen one day. I knew I have problems with my mentality but I was never honest with myself and kept avoiding this. This is the main reason I am creating this blog....to face myself, to reflect on myself in time, to motivate myself, to improve both as a person and as a poker player.
  • 9 replies
    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      :spade: New approach. Day1

      - Watched a video from Grindcore
      - Downloaded the last book of Jared Tendler (sry Jared im close to busto :) )
      - Started rebuild on 50nl. Played 12 hours 4 tabling. Run pretty bad I would say. From what i can see on regs are pretty nitty preflop and straight forward postflop with very big leaks like absolute hand strenght , TPTK folding skills, hand reading... I am making mistakes against then thinking they can fold in certain spots or just leveling myself and they just have the nuts always



      :diamond: BB seems very straight forward. I was sure he is not with AA/KK and If i check he will always bet cause in his eyes I should never check this board with value hand. If he didnt ship the flop he is never with set so shipped turn for value against his draws/pair+draws.

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      Hero ($104)
      BB ($50)
      UTG ($98.51)
      CO ($135)
      BTN ($25.61)

      Dealt to Hero Q:diamond: Q:heart:

      fold, fold, BTN calls $0.50, Hero raises to $3, BB calls $2.50, fold

      FLOP ($6.50) 8:spade: 7:spade: 4:heart:

      Hero checks, BB bets $4.50, Hero raises to $12.25, BB calls $7.75

      TURN ($31) 8:spade: 7:spade: 4:heart: T:diamond:

      Hero bets $88.80 (AI), BB calls $34.75 (AI)

      RIVER ($100) 8:spade: 7:spade: 4:heart: T:diamond: 6:heart:

      Hero shows Q:diamond: Q:heart:
      (Pre 81%, Flop 86.8%, Turn 77.3%)

      BB shows 9:club: 9:heart:
      (Pre 19%, Flop 13.2%, Turn 22.7%)

      BB wins $97.50


      :diamond: Nothing interesting..

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($50)
      BB ($50)
      UTG ($59.49)
      Hero ($84.34)
      CO ($50)
      BTN ($33.66)

      Dealt to Hero 5:heart: 5:club:

      UTG raises to $1, Hero calls $1, CO calls $1, fold, fold, BB raises to $5.50, UTG calls $4.50, Hero calls $4.50, CO calls $4.50

      FLOP ($22.25) 9:club: 5:diamond: Q:spade:

      BB bets $11, UTG folds, Hero calls $11, CO folds

      TURN ($44.25) 9:club: 5:diamond: Q:spade: 2:club:

      BB bets $22, Hero raises to $67.84 (AI), BB calls $11.50 (AI)

      RIVER ($111) 9:club: 5:diamond: Q:spade: 2:club: 9:spade:

      BB shows 9:heart: 9:diamond:
      (Pre 81%, Flop 95.7%, Turn 97.7%)

      Hero shows 5:heart: 5:club:
      (Pre 19%, Flop 4.3%, Turn 2.3%)

      BB wins $108


      :diamond: Against aggro fish. Maybe i should just b/b/b 3 streets for value

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($50)
      Hero ($50)
      UTG ($40.37)
      UTG+1 ($51.25)
      CO ($43.02)
      BTN ($56.55)

      Dealt to Hero A:heart: K:club:

      UTG calls $0.50, fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to $2.50, UTG calls $2

      FLOP ($5.25) 3:club: J:club: K:spade:

      Hero bets $4, UTG calls $4

      TURN ($13.25) 3:club: J:club: K:spade: T:diamond:

      Hero checks, UTG bets $3.25, Hero raises to $43.50 (AI), UTG calls $30.62 (AI)

      RIVER ($80.99) 3:club: J:club: K:spade: T:diamond: A:spade:

      Hero shows A:heart: K:club:
      (Pre 75%, Flop 85.9%, Turn 84.1%)

      UTG shows K:heart: Q:club:
      (Pre 25%, Flop 14.1%, Turn 15.9%)

      UTG wins $77.99


      :diamond: Leveled myself very bad. Limp/raise is always AA and called for set mining, dont want how I changed my mind I have equity against AK+/KK+

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($99.17)
      BB ($50)
      UTG ($21.92)
      UTG+1 ($48.49)
      CO ($125)
      Hero ($53.62)

      Dealt to Hero T:heart: T:diamond:

      UTG calls $0.50, UTG+1 raises to $1, fold, Hero calls $1, fold, fold, UTG raises to $3, UTG+1 calls $2, Hero calls $2

      FLOP ($9.75) 6:club: 9:diamond: 8:diamond:

      UTG bets $9.75, UTG+1 folds, Hero raises to $50.62 (AI), UTG calls $9.17 (AI)

      TURN ($47.59) 6:club: 9:diamond: 8:diamond: 3:heart:

      RIVER ($47.59) 6:club: 9:diamond: 8:diamond: 3:heart: 9:heart:

      UTG shows A:diamond: A:club:
      (Pre 81%, Flop 74.6%, Turn 86.4%)

      Hero shows T:heart: T:diamond:
      (Pre 19%, Flop 25.4%, Turn 13.6%)

      UTG wins $45.22

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($70.47)
      BB ($84.50)
      UTG ($8.98)
      UTG+1 ($29.34)
      Hero ($57.88)
      BTN ($27.78)


      :diamond: Wanted to ship after UTG shoved for max value against their ranges but could just call because he was already all in.

      Dealt to Hero Q:spade: A:club:

      UTG raises to $2, UTG+1 calls $2, Hero raises to $7, BTN calls $7, fold, fold, UTG raises to $8.98 (AI), UTG+1 calls $6.98, Hero calls $1.98, BTN calls $1.98

      FLOP ($36.67) 4:club: A:diamond: 2:spade:

      UTG+1 bets $20.36 (AI), Hero calls $20.36, BTN folds

      TURN ($77.39) 4:club: A:diamond: 2:spade: 7:spade:

      RIVER ($77.39) 4:club: A:diamond: 2:spade: 7:spade: 3:heart:

      Hero shows Q:spade: A:club:
      (Pre 34%, Flop 1.9%, Turn 0.0%)

      UTG shows Q:heart: K:club:
      (Pre 22%, Flop 2.4%, Turn 0.0%)

      UTG+1 shows 4:diamond: 4:spade:
      (Pre 44%, Flop 95.7%, Turn 100.0%)

      UTG+1 wins $74.39


      :diamond: UTG was calling all in pre with any two suited cards so I went all in for max value cause I really dont want to get called by 100% of his range and miss badly the flop. BU play is attrocious considering what fish is UTG

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($70.32)
      Hero ($50)
      UTG ($69.63)
      UTG+1 ($28.47)
      CO ($49.50)
      BTN ($42.34)

      Dealt to Hero K:club: A:spade:

      fold, UTG+1 raises to $2, fold, BTN calls $2, fold, Hero raises to $50 (AI), fold, BTN calls $40.34 (AI)

      FLOP ($86.93) 4:diamond: 3:spade: 9:club:

      TURN ($86.93) 4:diamond: 3:spade: 9:club: Q:club:

      RIVER ($86.93) 4:diamond: 3:spade: 9:club: Q:club: K:diamond:

      BTN shows A:diamond: A:club:
      (Pre 94%, Flop 98.9%, Turn 100.0%)

      Hero shows K:club: A:spade:
      (Pre 6%, Flop 1.1%, Turn 0.0%)

      BTN wins $83.93


      https://img37.imageshack.us/img37/1433/day1uz.jpg

      BR: 1214 €
    • IngridN
      IngridN
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      Good luck DSky1 and welcome to our blogs section! I'm confident that if you keep up the blogging and write down the problems, you'll push yourself to go through with it.
    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      Thank you for the support IngridN. That is one of the main reasons I started blog here, people are generally positive and helpful. Tried to start a blog in 2p2 forums but got trolled immediately.

      Edit: Ingrid why I cannot add images? I am quite sure technically I am doing it correctly, is it because of my basic status?

      Spade Day2

      Been pretty busy with real life issues and could not play much. First session run very good preflop being dealt premiums constantly but everytime on the flop there were overcards and a lot of action and had to fold while the second session in just few hundred hands everytime my opponents had strong overpairs I flopped miracle 2p or low sets.

      Did not do anything productive towards poker except playing, will try to catch up these days.

      Graph so far:

      http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/213/day2.jpg

      BR: 1545 €
    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      :spade: Day3

      Tilted really bad and splashed 10 stacks :( No rational explanation except the pressure to win because I of financial pressure.

      http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/7335/day3e.jpg

      BR: 1056 €
    • IngridN
      IngridN
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.03.2011 Posts: 12,162
      Originally posted by DSky1
      :spade: Day3

      Tilted really bad and splashed 10 stacks :( No rational explanation except the pressure to win because I of financial pressure.



      BR: 1056 €
      now with a pic! :)

      unfortunately as a basic status, you won't be able to add any pictures.
    • pleno1
      pleno1
      Coach
      Coach
      Joined: 19.11.2010 Posts: 5,596
      Unlucky with the downswing DSky1, don't you think it would be better to set yourself a stop loss so that you can only lose 5bi a day or something similar? This way when you are tilting or losing money with no rational reason why you will be able to stop and save the money that you would otherwise lose.

      Also perhaps you should start training your brain to be motivated, perhaps just watching a training video before each session, but ofc you would have to leave basic behind to access the videos :)

      Hope you turn that graph upside down and we see a huge upswing going into the end of the month.

      Gl!
    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      Originally posted by pleno1
      Unlucky with the downswing DSky1, don't you think it would be better to set yourself a stop loss so that you can only lose 5bi a day or something similar? This way when you are tilting or losing money with no rational reason why you will be able to stop and save the money that you would otherwise lose.

      Also perhaps you should start training your brain to be motivated, perhaps just watching a training video before each session, but ofc you would have to leave basic behind to access the videos :)

      Hope you turn that graph upside down and we see a huge upswing going into the end of the month.

      Gl!
      Not really a downswing, just very very bad play. I dont have a stop loss because losses don't affect me much. What tilts me is playing bad, making incorrect decisions while I know what is the correct play. Like I remember when I lost 10bi i had a note on a fish that he pots only with the nuts, but i still called him down with 3rd nuts even though i was sure about his hand. When I make several consecutive mistakes like that all goes down a spiral...

      I am quite motivated to play, I am not motivated to perform. I can play 8h every day without feeling burnt out, but usually I browse fbook, 9gag, watch series while I am playing and etc... Not sure how to train my focus :(

      After the major spew things are turning around. While from monetary point of view the results are not so good, am happy for the volume of hands played considering I 4-5table. Anyway good RB helps a bit

      Graph so far

      http://img853.imageshack.us/img853/4568/grafrk.jpg
    • inlovewithamsterdam
      inlovewithamsterdam
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.07.2009 Posts: 666
      cmon mate, browsing internet, watching series when playing...? this shit is bad!

      a whole load of respect for you though for facing your problems and admitting you need to improve, 50% of losing players out there wouldn't have the balls to do it. They'd just blame it on "the dumb fish that call down 2nd pair when i clearly represent a set".

      given your tilt problems i think you should consider using the stop loss. you said you're not going to use it because losses "don't affect" you. They do though, because you tilt!
      Stop loss in your case would help you spew less and therefore help with your game in general, the more time you spend at the felt with a clear state of mind the better

      And if it's not the losses that tilt you then whatever's tilting you needs to be addressed.

      didn't mean to sound patronising, just trying to help out

      good luck with it all
      Matt
    • DSky1
      DSky1
      Basic
      Joined: 20.11.2011 Posts: 6
      Originally posted by inlovewithamsterdam
      cmon mate, browsing internet, watching series when playing...? this shit is bad!

      a whole load of respect for you though for facing your problems and admitting you need to improve, 50% of losing players out there wouldn't have the balls to do it. They'd just blame it on "the dumb fish that call down 2nd pair when i clearly represent a set".

      given your tilt problems i think you should consider using the stop loss. you said you're not going to use it because losses "don't affect" you. They do though, because you tilt!
      Stop loss in your case would help you spew less and therefore help with your game in general, the more time you spend at the felt with a clear state of mind the better

      And if it's not the losses that tilt you then whatever's tilting you needs to be addressed.

      didn't mean to sound patronising, just trying to help out

      good luck with it all
      Matt

      Thanks Matt, maube u r right abt the stop loss, but sometimes i just cant stop, regardless of the outcome i need and want to play. i love the game and probably it borderlines with addiction but often the only thing i would like to do is to play and show other people im better


      Played 12h yesterday 3 tabling while watching the best matches of one of the best starcraft players - Jaedong. Truly amazing player, even represented Korea on the Olympic Games carrying the fire :x

      Regs are so bad and predictable on 50. Most of the regs are nitty and weak and the others are used to the mentality "if he checks he is weak and i will make him fold till the river", just need to spot them and exploit their aggression.

      Grabbed by Holdem Manager
      NL Holdem $0.50(BB) Replayer
      SB ($62.02)
      Hero ($50)
      UTG ($54.26)
      CO ($95.01)
      BTN ($50)

      Dealt to Hero 7:diamond: T:diamond:

      fold, CO raises to $1.50, fold, SB calls $1.25, Hero raises to $6.50, CO calls $5, SB calls $5

      FLOP ($19.50) T:heart: 5:heart: T:club:

      SB checks, Hero checks, CO checks

      TURN ($19.50) T:heart: 5:heart: T:club: 5:diamond:

      SB bets $6.50, Hero calls $6.50, CO folds

      RIVER ($32.50) T:heart: 5:heart: T:club: 5:diamond: 4:club:

      SB bets $49.02 (AI), Hero calls $37 (AI)

      Hero shows 7:diamond: T:diamond:
      (Pre 67%, Flop 69.1%, Turn 100.0%)

      SB shows 7:heart: 6:heart:
      (Pre 33%, Flop 30.9%, Turn 0.0%)

      Hero wins $103


      Things are turning around slowly as i dont spew.

      http://img823.imageshack.us/img823/5861/aaaozn.jpg