100 Reasons It's Great to be a Guy/Women

    • ThatGuyMatt
      Joined: 03.12.2010 Posts: 3,748
      I came across this, thought I'd share :]

      1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
      2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
      3. You know stuff about tanks.
      4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
      5. Monday Night Football.
      6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
      7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
      8. You can open all your own jars.
      9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
      10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
      11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
      12. Your _ss is never a factor in a job interview.
      13. All your orgasms are real.
      14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
      15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
      16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
      17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
      18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
      19. Your last name stays put.
      20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
      21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
      22. You can kill your own food.
      23. The garage is all yours.
      24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
      25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
      26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
      27. You never have to clean the toilet.
      28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
      29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
      30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
      31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
      32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
      33. The National College Cheer leading Championship
      34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
      35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
      36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy _ss every nite.
      37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
      38. You can write your name in the snow.
      39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
      40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
      41. Chocolate is just another snack.
      42. You can be president.
      43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
      44. Flowers fix everything.
      45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
      46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
      47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
      48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
      49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
      50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
      51. Foreplay is optional.
      52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
      53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
      54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
      55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
      56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
      57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
      58. You don't give a rat's _ss if someone notices your new haircut.
      59. You and your buddy can watch a game in silence for hours without thinking even once: "Gee.... He must be mad at me."
      60. The world is your urinal.
      61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
      62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
      63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
      64. One mood, all the time.
      65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
      66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
      67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
      68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
      69. Same work.... more pay.
      70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
      71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
      72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
      73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
      74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
      75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
      76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
      77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
      78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
      79. ESPN's sports center.
      80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
      81. Bachelor parties whomp _ss over bridal showers.
      82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
      83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
      84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
      85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
      86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
      87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
      88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
      89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
      90. The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
      91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
      92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
      93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
      94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
      95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
      96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
      97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
      98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
      99. Baywatch
      100. There is always a game on somewhere.
  • 2 replies
    • ThatGuyMatt
      Joined: 03.12.2010 Posts: 3,748
      Figured its only fair to find a womens version, so here you go :D

      1. we can get laid anytime we want
      2. we never have to buy our own drinks at the bar
      3. we piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk
      4. we get out of speeding tickets by crying
      5. we get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
      6. we can sleep our way to the top of the class
      7. we get to shop at Victoria's Secret
      8. we can marry rich and then not have to work
      9. we never have to pay when we go out on dates
      10. men take us on all expense paid trips- all we have to do is sleep with them
      11. men light our cigarettes for us
      12. men hold the door open for us
      13. we pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
      14. we're cuter
      15. we lie better
      16. we're better manipulators
      17. we always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves- you guys get the couch
      18. we always have food in the fridge
      19. when we cook, it doesn't precede a trip to the ER or a visit from the fire dept
      20. we always get to choose the movie
      21. we don't have to mow the lawn
      22. we don't have to take out the garbage
      23. we don't have to paint the house or walls
      24. PMS- yet another excuse to bitch at men
      25. cosmopolitan
      26. we can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole
      27. men unlock our side of the car first- a real bonus when its cold
      28. PMS is a legal defense for murder
      29. men are like tiles, lay'em right the first time ya can walk all over'em forever
      30. we can masturbate more in a day than men
      31. 2 words- multi orgasmic
      32. we don't have to constantly adjust our genitals
      33. sweat is sexy on us
      34. we never run out of excuses
      35. you guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often
      36. doggie style- that way we get to watch the game too
      37. we get expensive jewelry as gifts that we NEVER have to give back
      38. we get candy, flowers and jewelry all the time cuz men screw up so often
      39. we can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner
      40. women are cleaner
      41. women have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know)
      42. we're better arguers
      43. we don't always have to think with our genitals
      44. massage!!!!
      45. we're better parents
      46. we never have to sit home alone on a weekend night
      47. there's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men
      48. we're flexible
      49. when women get pissed we dont destroy property or hurt people- we just take it out on the world in general because we can
      50. menopause- thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50
      51. menstruation- just another excuse to use so we can say "no" to sex
      52. men in uniform
      53. there is no penis envy
      54. we can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy clean-up
      55. it generally takes us less to get drunk
      56. we have a higher tolerance to pain
      57. we often get to cut in line
      58. most women actually look good in short shorts- men DON'T
      59. better tips
      60. women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, its rather disgusting
      61. we have mastered civilized eating- we don't embarass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public
      62. women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting- thank god for long pants and perfume!
      63. we can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want
      64. we don't have excessive amounts of body hair
      65. we don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet
      66. men will pay us for sex
      67. smoking the seeds in marijuana doesn't make us sterile
      68. we can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
      69. men may fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at a time, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if we want
      70. men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us
      71. women sweat less
      72. women smell better
      73. when women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards- a blowjob and sex fixes all
      74. men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats
      75. women don't get the humor in the three stooges
      76. women have three accessible holes
      77. we don't get embarrassed when buying tampons
      78. we're better gossips
      79. we have better fashion sense
      80. we're better shoppers
      81. we don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man
      82. our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone
      83. men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and im not gonna tell you)
      84. we're all sittin' on a gold mine- we know it and use it to our extreme advantage
      85. we don't have to drive when on a date
      86. an ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable- ugly men are just screwed
      87. women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn" line
      88. women know how fake it
      89. women look better naked
      90. we know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing
      91. when women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short
      92. women do less time for violent crime
      93. women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up
      94. an oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time any night
      95. women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye"
      96. women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood
      97. women never have to see combat
      98. the remote control is not an extension of ourselves
      99. women are sexier

      and the 100th reason its better to be a woman- this one is definitely worthy of reiteration:

      100. we can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!
    • jonnyjm
      Joined: 24.03.2008 Posts: 447
      WAY to much for me to read! But from what i did read, seems about right.