funny livepoker trashtalkaments

    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      I wasnt sure where to post this but I thought the PS community would find this funny tho there isnt any strategy content ITT.

      background:
      1/2 NLHE game late night (5am), we both have been there for like 10hours+. He is very drunk. I am completly sober. My stack is $600 and Im in for $500. His stack is $400 but he is in for $1500ish.
      Double straddled pot to $10. I open for $30 with QQ. He calls in the SB.
      Him: " I want your chips bro"
      Me: "Then nice call sir"
      BB shoves for $180, folds to me, I reshove and he folds showing an Ace.

      BB shows AK and I flip my QQ
      Him: "I hope you lose, I love seeing you get rolled"
      Me: "rolled?"
      Him: "I love seeing you losing money and haveing to reload"
      Me: "nothing wrong with a little friendly competition"
      Him: "but I always see you in that damn seat. Poker is not where its at, you should get a job with you hands"
      Me: "I'm a student sir"
      Him: "I am just trying to screw with ya"
      Me: "its hard to tilt me sir"
      Him: "but I do want to see you get rolled"

      My Queens hold up and I ship the $400 pot.
      Him: "How much you down today"
      Me: "Im only in for about 5, so Im up for the day"
      Him: "guess what guy, I have more than $x in my bank account"
      Me: "good for you sir"
      Him: "bet thats alot more than you have"
      Me: "nah, I've got more"
      Him: "No fucking way you have got more"
      Me: "Sir, I have made than that at poker in the last year."
      Him: "No fucking way you have made more than that in poker in the last year, I have played poker with you alot and there is no way you are that good"
      Me: "Next time I'll show you my graph"
      Him: "Anyone can draw a fucking graph, that doesnt prove nothing"
      Me: "Fine, do you want to play 5/10 Heads Up?"
      Him: "Yea"
      Me: "Hey [housemans name], me and seat 1 want to play 5/10 Heads Up, any chance that you could open a game"
      Houseman: "sorry not enough dealers availble right now"
      Fuck, houseman desision just cost me $x worth of equity.

      A few hands later..straddled to $5
      I get dealt KQo in the SB.
      1 limp, Villain limps, Tilted Button raised to $20, I call, BB calls, limpers call
      Flop is Q93 :heart: :club: :club: ($100)
      checked to tilted button who shoves for $120. I am about to call when Villain says "if you call, I am moving Allin" I call the house over and ask if that bet is commited and the house says no (it usually is based on casino rules but I didnt really want to argue).
      Villain ($600 effective): "I dont give a fuck what the house said, if you call I am going ALLIN"
      I decide to fold and Villain snaps him off with T :club: 5 :club: and Button had 34o. Turn and River blank off and Button is good.
      Unfortunatly Villain then gets moved to the 2/5 PLO table. FML
  • 13 replies
    • bradomurder
      bradomurder
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.10.2008 Posts: 1,329
      Originally posted by i5bet72o
      A few hands later..straddled to $5
      I get dealt KQo in the SB.
      1 limp, Villain limps, Tilted Button raised to $20, I call, BB calls, limpers call
      Flop is Q93 :heart: :club: :club: ($100)
      checked to tilted button who shoves for $120. I am about to call when Villain says "if you call, I am moving Allin" I call the house over and ask if that bet is commited and the house says no (it usually is based on casino rules but I didnt really want to argue).
      Villain ($600 effective): "I dont give a fuck what the house said, if you call I am going ALLIN"
      I decide to fold and Villain snaps him off with T :club: 5 :club: and Button had 34o. Turn and River blank off and Button is good.
      How good was the villian? surely that's a draw 9/10 times
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      Originally posted by bradomurder
      Originally posted by i5bet72o
      A few hands later..straddled to $5
      I get dealt KQo in the SB.
      1 limp, Villain limps, Tilted Button raised to $20, I call, BB calls, limpers call
      Flop is Q93 :heart: :club: :club: ($100)
      checked to tilted button who shoves for $120. I am about to call when Villain says "if you call, I am moving Allin" I call the house over and ask if that bet is commited and the house says no (it usually is based on casino rules but I didnt really want to argue).
      Villain ($600 effective): "I dont give a fuck what the house said, if you call I am going ALLIN"
      I decide to fold and Villain snaps him off with T :club: 5 :club: and Button had 34o. Turn and River blank off and Button is good.
      How good was the villian? surely that's a draw 9/10 times
      I also thought there was a high likelyhood that this was a draw but I did not really want to lose $600 after 10 hours of play b/c I was fairly sure that villain would actually shove his draws here.
    • ninuu
      ninuu
      Bronze
      Joined: 04.04.2010 Posts: 205
      :D :D funny dialoge
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      A few gems from this week:

      HS player: "If you go to a bank and threaten to close your account, they will usually give you $10K cash"

      Conversation between 2 asian regs playing 5/10 PLO. Ivan is another regular playing in the game.

      Asian reg 1: "Ivan, lets play 25/50 heads up"

      Ivan declines

      Asian reg 2: "Why would you want to play Ivan Heads up"

      Asian reg 1: "More money, more quickly"

      I was playing somewhat laggy in a 1/2 game. $5 straddle on here

      I raise to $25

      Tourist young guy: "Damit you raise alot, what that the forth time you made it 25?"

      Nitty reg D: "you JUST realized"

      I was playing a hand with an older, working class blue colar type guy

      I bet two streets with an overpair and he calls and leads big when the flush hits and I quickly fold.

      I jokingly say, "You bluffin?" to try and make him show his hand

      He says, "No, unlike you I respect money and I am not playing with my parents money"

      Me and this fishy somewhat agressive nerdy white guy are in pot with like $800 effective stacks

      Limped to me in the SB, I make it $16 with queens, he l/rr to $32, I think about 4betting but decide to call

      Flop is QT8cc
      check, check

      Turn is Jc ($70)
      I bet $50, he calls

      River is a 2h ($170)
      I bet $100, he tank folds

      nerdy guy: "I wonder what you had"

      nitty reg D: "He had a straight, he raises with Ace King"

      nerdy guy: "I folded trip queens"

      I could help smiling.
    • maritsula
      maritsula
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.12.2011 Posts: 905
      very entertaining, post some more !
    • Tomaloc
      Tomaloc
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.01.2011 Posts: 6,858
      loooooool these are all great :f_biggrin:

      you could add one extra line of space between stories though :P
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      Originally posted by Tomaloc
      loooooool these are all great :f_biggrin:

      you could add one extra line of space between stories though :P
      Like my English teachers always said, double spacing is always better :)
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      Another great one from a while ago that I just remembered.

      A few guys are having a conversation about winning and losing in poker:

      V1:I have lost about 14K in the last 5-6 years playing 1/2
      V2: Fuck, thats alot of money
      V1: Wait, What do you mean? If you do the math its cheaper than just seeing movies or going out to drink during that time.
    • metza
      metza
      Bronze
      Joined: 28.01.2012 Posts: 2,220
      Me: "Do you play any online?"
      Response: "Yeah, tons of facebook poker"


      Also, I had like 6 or so BB and shoved A7s from the small blind, some guy calls with KTo and he loses. He only has about 8.5bb so losing crushes his stack, this is the kicker: my friend was still at another table, he got moved there, and apparently he was telling it like it was a bad beat story, "this guy went all in with ace seven and won". Absolutely priceless, apparently he was having a full on whine about it to the whole table.
    • PokerPPP
      PokerPPP
      Bronze
      Joined: 29.10.2009 Posts: 494
      More please!!!!
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      Not really funny but this quote made me happy
      Villain is a competant reg but a bit on the weak tight side and this quote took place when I was cashing out like ~$400 after a 5 hour session where I was in for $700: "The thing I really like is that you are able to leave whether you are up or stuck. When Im stuck, I just stay until I get unstuck even if I have to play for 26 hours. Dont know how you do it"
    • i5bet72o
      i5bet72o
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.06.2010 Posts: 1,615
      More funny ones:

      Joke a reg said (non-poker related):
      "Do you know whats great about pedophiles?"
      "They dont speed in School zones"

      Absurd poker thinking:

      guy raises to $25 and get 5 callers
      Flop is A72r ($150)
      guy bets $65, one caller
      Turn and river get checked through
      guy shows QQ, caller shows A9o and wins

      Guy: "I had to bet something to see if anyone has an ace"

      You get called in 5 spots, someone has an ace obv and incase noone does, who is going to bluff in a 6 way pot.
    • dannywratten
      dannywratten
      Gold
      Joined: 11.05.2010 Posts: 1,462
      Bump!
      Moar trashtalkaments please, this thread had potential!