It's just money

    • Fr0z3nByt3
      Fr0z3nByt3
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.01.2011 Posts: 83
      Disclaimer:
      I started writing a few things about my past and I wrote a ton, so if you're not interested in reading another "have a roll - go broke - rinse and repeat" story, please skip to the next post.
      Also English isn't my language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes I may have done.

      The start
      I started playing poker in 2010, after watching an episode of HighStakes Poker. I thought it's a game of who's smarter and I've always liked challenges so I googled "poker" and started playing play money games and freerolls. Soon I got my first 2$ in a freeroll and started playing 30cents SNGs and I also deposited 10 or 15$ because I had read something about BR management (I was a broke student at that time, so it was impossible to deposit more and I decided if I were to lose this money I would quit poker forever. I wasn't going to become a degenerate gambler, losing my food money or something).
      I run it up to close to 40$ when I discovered cash games. Those were great, playing with real money just like the guys on HighStakes Poker :f_cool: I played without eating or sleeping for 20h I think, it was daylight when I stopped and I had 6$ left. I have to mention that I played only 9max NLHE 1/2cents, so I lost about 17 buyins... I started crying because on one side that was a lot of money to me at that time and I just lost it on a stupid game online, but what hurt the most was that, being a game of who's smarter losing meant that I was stupid. I refused to believe that the other guys playing those stakes were smarter than me :f_rolleyes:
      I took a break from poker, I hated it! Even now, when I'm losing a lot I don't want to play or even hear about poker for a while. Then it was something like a month. I was also not happy with my life outside poker, I couldn't find a job, university wasn't as I expected it to be, I had no friends where I lived, my bf was 1500km away and I just hated life...

      Make it right
      I kept thinking about what I did wrong and how to fix it, I read poker articles, watched videos, decided to grind SNGs and tourneys and stay away from those f.king cash games. It worked out well, I got my roll around 50$ and I was grinding every day, loving every moment of it. Most of the time I remembered I have to eat when my stomach hurt and fell asleep in front of the laptop. I got a free bankroll on a different site, where I played double or nothing SNGs, the rake was huge (I could only afford to play the 0.80+0.20euro ones), but I made a slight profit and was playing for bonuses and rakeback. I cashed out a few times for 50$ or less and one time for 100$. I was really happy when I bought myself an MP3 player with my own money. I come from a modest family, so I learned as a little girl to appreciate things.
      I also played some micro stakes NLHE cash games with some success, but then the main room I was playing on was shut down and I got the 70$ roll I had at that time more than one year later.
      Meanwhile, I started playing LHE cash.
      I started with 10$ that I got free from somewhere and with the starting hands sheet from PokerStrategy. It felt right, all I had to do was play mathematical, logical poker. I don't know how much LHE is still running nowadays, but I would recommend it to any beginner. It shows you the power of starting hands and the most important thing in poker: position.
      So I moved up from 2/4 cents to being a winning reg at 25/50cents. I was break even at 0,5/1$, winning at 1/2 table selecting, but I kept taking shots at 2/4 and 3/6. Playing pots of 100$ really got my adrenaline going... unfortunately it also got my money going. Maybe I ran bad, maybe I played bad, the regs were better than I was for sure and the fishes weren't too dumb either. I remember this one guy who was playing with a vpp of 60-70 and kept hitting pair or better and was called down by regs who had tptk or overpair. He had a huge stack :s_mad:

      Isildur's game
      Around that point, Viktor Blom aka Isildur1 got signed by that site I was playing on and everyone liked him, so imagine how much I, being a girl like him :f_love: He played Omaha and my other favorite player, Ilari Sahamies aka Ziigmund was also playing that. I read about Pot Limit Omaha on the internet and everyone said it was the most awesome game and basically the future of poker. LHE at 3/6 and higher barely ran and it was mostly good regs/bumhunters, so I decided to quit the math game and try the gambling game. I totally loved it, but my roll didn't. I ran well in the beginning at micro stakes, and, as all poker players, I thought that meant I was very good at it and I saw myself as a PLO superstar in a few months. But reality hit, and it hit hard. I busted my roll. I worked so hard to get it, playing LHE day after day for months and I lost it in a week or 2 playing PLO. Unfortunately, there was no going back to LHE. Once youve tried the drug of PLO, you'll never want to play limit games again (or no limit). So I got 150$ for the FPPs I had at that point and played PLO again, I tried to play full stack, short stack, tight, loose, aggressive, passive, I tried everything, but I busted again.
      My life was going from bad to worse and after a fight with my mom, I left home. I remember walking through the rain and thinking how I just wanted to be alone without anyone yelling at me or telling me what to do or not to do. I just wanted to make a few hundred euros a month to support myself (given that I was in a foreign country, I couldn't get a job, I sent applications everywhere, including McDonalds, I would have been super happy to work 10 hours a day, everyday, for the minimum wage, that's how desperate I was. I remember crying all night and hearing the cleaning ladies in the morning and thinking how lucky they were because they had jobs and their own money).

      If you fail, try again
      I decided to give poker one more chance: it was a 40$ deposit on a Microgaming skin and the game was of course PLO... I played the lower limits full stack and took shots higher shortstacking. With some good run, bonuses and RB I got to a 300$ roll in less than a month. This was going to work.
      The plan was to increase my roll and bonus whore different sites, so I cashed out and deposited 100$ on a new site. Busto in a few days! The smallest game was played with 10cents BB and 10cents SB (Ongame network), so it wasn't very smart BRM. I got no bonus cleared, so I decided to deposit the other 200$ as well, thinking that losing that would mean I have to quit poker and find something else to do with my life or kill myself, cause I didn't have much reason for living. Day after day, I kept losing. I watched videos, tried different things, it just went bad. I couldn't understand how I made money on the previous site and now I was losing it all.
      With the last 10$ left, I saw something looking through the lobby: double or nothing SNG's. I used to be good at those and even if I just break even, I could at least unlock the bonus and so I started playing those. I got the bonus, deposited on a different site and I just kept doing that for the last months. I'm a slight loser, especially due to the high rake (1+0.20$; 3+0.30$) and so many regs, but on good days I'm playing 100 SNGs so I'm getting nice bonuses and rakeback which have allowed me to support myself since July last year :s_cool:
      I've also moved back to my country, where the costs of living are cheaper, and I'm trying to have a social life again after a few years of mostly staying indoors and grinding. And most important thing of all: I have hope and faith again.
      Tomorrow I'll look through my database and post some of my biggest hands and some graphs and tell you my plans for this year :f_biggrin:
  • 6 replies
    • VorpalF2F
      VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 8,903
      Quite the story.

      It seems that in the early stages, your rungood / runbad determined your emotional state.

      Have you got beyond that?

      I'm just now learning to manage my mental state better.
      Notice I didn't say control it -- just managing it for now.

      I SO get it when you say how losing makes you feel not-so-smart.

      Ego was a big challenge for me to overcome.

      It is good to hear that you stuck with it, and I love your sig.
      There is another member's sig that fits, too:
      "Winners never quit. Quitters naver win"

      I hope to read more!
    • Fr0z3nByt3
      Fr0z3nByt3
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.01.2011 Posts: 83
      LHE:







      PLO (All sites):







      Tournaments (Ongame network, 95% are DoNs, but the results are not 100% accurate, because of some tickets I had):





      I don't know why some tournaments appear as not finished, I edited manually some of them when I noticed them, but now I have no idea what I did in those that I didn't edit.
    • Fr0z3nByt3
      Fr0z3nByt3
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.01.2011 Posts: 83
      Originally posted by VorpalF2F
      Quite the story.

      It seems that in the early stages, your rungood / runbad determined your emotional state.

      Have you got beyond that?

      I'm just now learning to manage my mental state better.
      Notice I didn't say control it -- just managing it for now.

      I SO get it when you say how losing makes you feel not-so-smart.

      Ego was a big challenge for me to overcome.

      It is good to hear that you stuck with it, and I love your sig.
      There is another member's sig that fits, too:
      "Winners never quit. Quitters naver win"

      I hope to read more!
      Someone actually read it :f_grin:
      Yes, I've gotten much better at separating my poker adventures from my life outside poker. When I close the poker client it's all over. I still think about hands and stuff, but not about how good or bad I've run.
      It's just money, after all :f_wink:
    • VorpalF2F
      VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 8,903
      I think that if you shut down the poker room or the tracker before the tournament summary is written, it will show as unfinished.


      I missed the fact that you were playing limit, rather than no-limit HE

      My had does off to you.
      Limit is so hard for me, since you don't have the bluff hammer nearly as much as you do in NLHE -- or maybe you do, and I just don't know how to use it.

      It seems to me that in FLHE if you bet into a pot post flop all you do is give the opponent good odds to call.

      The other thing I find hard is the frustration from getting as much for a Full House as you do for a small pocket pair that holds up.
    • Fr0z3nByt3
      Fr0z3nByt3
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.01.2011 Posts: 83
    • VorpalF2F
      VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 8,903
      It is SO hard to judge hand strength in that game