Hello From The Couch

    • Nephlin
      Nephlin
      Basic
      Joined: 15.01.2013 Posts: 4
      *waves* Hi everyone.

      Well to be honest I didn't wave, nor am I going to. My fingers will never leave the keyboard ... well sometimes in the shower ... when I'm feeling lonely. Don't judge. I'm a notorious slow roller. By that I mean I've been sitting on my ass for so long it takes me 15 minutes to get out of my desk chair. Sorry if this seems a bit personal. I'm a little distressed right now because my girlfriend just ended things with me for some guy that jerks off frogs for a living. In my own defense I think she only in it for my magic clicking finger. She would get so mad when we were fooling around and I'd say things like "raise" or she would think I said she looked like a donkey while we were fooling around. I'll be saving a lot of money now that she's gone though ... I used to spend 400/month on flour ... jus to roll her in it and find the wet spot.

      About poker now. I think I'm an addict ... did I come to the right place? Because I don't see anyone else admitting it... Do I get a pin or something ... shit.. I'm about to relapse right now ... I just watched someone 8 table $3 18 mans and it gave me a semi. My dog thought it was a chew toy .... not cool. His name is "cashew" because "peanut" was taken. I have like -$6k in tournament winnings ... which for the number of games I've played is pretty good I'd say. So... n2m u guys. :)
  • 7 replies
    • metza
      metza
      Bronze
      Joined: 28.01.2012 Posts: 2,220
      Awesome first post.

      Welcome to the site.
    • serverm07
      serverm07
      Basic
      Joined: 08.08.2012 Posts: 1,130
      I lold. Obv time to get better and crush bisched. Then you can find some hot chick that you can roll in flowers with or whatever you call it.
    • Nephlin
      Nephlin
      Basic
      Joined: 15.01.2013 Posts: 4
      Originally posted by metza
      Awesome first post.

      Welcome to the site.
      Hello metza ... thank you very much for your welcome ... I regret to inform you that I refuse to associate with you however. See, the thing is ... I once dated a girl named metza from Germany .... well I think it was dating ... I saw her by webcam a few nights a week ... she always made me pay though. But she gave me her phone number for $1500 so I think it qualifies. She broke my heart though. One day I log on and there she is .... just screwing herself for some other guy like a common web whore. Really depressing ... she used to be my motivations for when I played. Now I see or hear the name and go on massive title ... serious you just lost be 40bbs in my 1c/2c game ... I want it back ... so if you would please xfer it on Stars to, "nevergivingumyrealnamebecauseuremindmeofmyoldgirlfriendsortof" ... I just thought about slitting my wrists but realized I would bleed coca cola ... I really should stop drinking that stuff. It makes my tummy hurt ... worse than that time that guy in the back rue in france said he could perform a colonoscopy with his penis .... idk. Thanks tho
    • Nephlin
      Nephlin
      Basic
      Joined: 15.01.2013 Posts: 4
      Originally posted by serverm07
      I lold. Obv time to get better and crush bisched. Then you can find some hot chick that you can roll in flowers with or whatever you call it.
      You better be a girl ... otherwise I think we should vote and ban you for teasing me like that ... Not only am I sitting here with a half chewed off semi ... but i literally picked my hands off the keyboard to try and make my way to my pantyline ... theyre pink btw ... only to be disappointed when i realized my own penis is afraid of my hand. I don't think I can recover from this ... major suckout. Last time I sucked out was a few weeks ago when rent was short because obv im failing at poker right now. Back to you ... who the f says "I lold" ... I'll tell you who ... an 8 year old in a training bra trying to act 16 ... and metza everytime I showed her my junk on cam ... BOTH WOMEN!... case closed
    • nutbreakerla
      nutbreakerla
      Bronze
      Joined: 29.07.2012 Posts: 14
      I lol'd :) . I find it a bit creepy because I was just playing 8 tables and my dogs name is peanut. I'm actually not sure if I find you funny or hate you. Prob a bit of both, but that is ok. You remind me of someone... but he died... he was pretty bad at poker also.

      I am pretty sure these guys are going to find you intriguing. But you lost me when you admitted you were broke.

      Wait what does nephlin mean? Crap that would mean I want to know more.
    • Nephlin
      Nephlin
      Basic
      Joined: 15.01.2013 Posts: 4
      Originally posted by nutbreakerla
      I lol'd :) . I find it a bit creepy because I was just playing 8 tables and my dogs name is peanut. I'm actually not sure if I find you funny or hate you. Prob a bit of both, but that is ok. You remind me of someone... but he died... he was pretty bad at poker also.

      I am pretty sure these guys are going to find you intriguing. But you lost me when you admitted you were broke.

      Wait what does nephlin mean? Crap that would mean I want to know more.
      Gold digger! ... You know even when you tried to insult me you did it nicely. You're even sweet when you try to be mean ... This makes me attracted to you. So ... what do you think ... my dog cashew and your peanut can mate ... we can mate ... itll all be in good fun. Have to warn you though .... I lie about weird things sometimes ... hope thats okay with you ... I like to pretend I have friends. You whats funny ... I'm seducing you right now and you dont even know it. Now before we head into our relationship were going to need to get you either get you over this dead guy or under me ... easy choice imo. Heres my quick dating profile:

      5'1" tall
      425 pounds ... but solid
      I saw my penis once when I sucked my belly in ... not long enough to measure it though
      I like long walks ... NO ... laying on the couch, poetry in the form of hip hop.

      Let me freestyle for you.

      Like Jacks I can be easily cracked
      Your husband says our relationship is whacked
      He thinks that I may be bad for you
      So I posted about it on two plus two
      Got mixed reviews about how we should tangle
      Every word you say seems like an angle
      So I'll just jam it all in so you feel the pressure
      Just like my penis I'm unable to measure

      *beatboxes finish*
    • nutbreakerla
      nutbreakerla
      Bronze
      Joined: 29.07.2012 Posts: 14
      Originally posted by Nephlin
      Originally posted by nutbreakerla
      I lol'd :) . I find it a bit creepy because I was just playing 8 tables and my dogs name is peanut. I'm actually not sure if I find you funny or hate you. Prob a bit of both, but that is ok. You remind me of someone... but he died... he was pretty bad at poker also.

      I am pretty sure these guys are going to find you intriguing. But you lost me when you admitted you were broke.

      Wait what does nephlin mean? Crap that would mean I want to know more.
      Gold digger! ... You know even when you tried to insult me you did it nicely. You're even sweet when you try to be mean ... This makes me attracted to you. So ... what do you think ... my dog cashew and your peanut can mate ... we can mate ... itll all be in good fun. Have to warn you though .... I lie about weird things sometimes ... hope thats okay with you ... I like to pretend I have friends. You whats funny ... I'm seducing you right now and you dont even know it. Now before we head into our relationship were going to need to get you either get you over this dead guy or under me ... easy choice imo. Heres my quick dating profile:

      5'1" tall
      425 pounds ... but solid
      I saw my penis once when I sucked my belly in ... not long enough to measure it though
      I like long walks ... NO ... laying on the couch, poetry in the form of hip hop.

      Let me freestyle for you.

      Like Jacks I can be easily cracked
      Your husband says our relationship is whacked
      He thinks that I may be bad for you
      So I posted about it on two plus two
      Got mixed reviews about how we should tangle
      Every word you say seems like an angle
      So I'll just jam it all in so you feel the pressure
      Just like my penis I'm unable to measure

      *beatboxes finish*
      Aww how cute you made a rhyme.
      I had a crush on vanilla ice, but at the time I was nine.
      I asked you one question and got a book.
      Yet the question was overlooked?