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i am a nerd!!!

    • melanoleuca
      Joined: 25.01.2012 Posts: 15
      I am going to share my story.

      I live in a nerd family my parents and grandparents are doctors or Chemists.
      my father is a nerd (my mom told me),my grand father is a nerd too. one of my cousin is nerd too, even worse than me.

      I am 30 years, all this 30 years i lived a happy life, just one thing that i am not happy, i couldn't get a girl.
      Actually to some girls I am very attractive, because i am tall 187cm, and i have a sense of humor. I play good basketball i could slam dunk when i was a students.I do good in sports. i am smart and have a high iq.

      but i have some problems, before 15 years old. I was too shy to speak to girls.
      in high school i try to give a positive image to girls, and then it was not a problem to talk to girls. but in that time in our country it is consider not moral to have a relationship before 18 years old. the teachers and parents all against it so I did not think about it. (though some of my friends have girl friends)

      and i am an asian. in westerners eye maybe i am handsome. but to many asian girls, especially teenagers i look terrible, in our culture girls like very cute boys.

      i had a excellent score and entered a very famous technology university, where most students are guys. in my university dorm, i had 5 other dormmates. we are all nerds. it is like a big bang theory, every night we talk about physics, psychology,video games such nerd topics. In my class i did have girls but they are like amy. none of us had girl friend during 4 years uni life.

      i enter a very good nasdaq it corporation after graduation. and 2 years later i changed to a education company, where girls outnumber men.
      i found i am little bit attractive, because some colleagues gave me hint to have a date (sometimes i was unaware of in that time but realize it afterward). and in my work i am able to meet some students. i am sure some students really like me. and even a girl ask for a date herself.

      but i refused them because i was chasing another colleague who already had boyfriends. It took me 2 years before i gave up. and second reasons is i like very cute girls. i have a very high standard, even some girls in other people's eyes they are beautiful, but to me maybe i have no any feeling.

      in 2008 a singer whose parents are friends to my mother like me. she is beautiful. she is quite like me ,but i didn't like her because in that time i like cute girls ,she just hot not cute. we had a date, and i was unwilling to take her to the park after dinner. and in summer i was going to travel, she said could her come with me. i refused. and when i come back, she left the city. in that time i found maybe i love her, but it was too late.
      in 2009 a tv host like me. she asked for a date. but in that time another girl chase me, I chose the latter but later i find she already had a boyfriend.
      then i turned back to the tv host, who said she just find a boy friend last week. i was so heart break.

      i move to another country , where i do not have much social activists. i played poker every day in my room. when i feel boring i drove alone and climb mountain for a whole week. every time i climb different mountain, in the jungle, watching the water fall or stars , listening to the music, i felt less alone. after 3 years i want to stop this wasting of time, and decide to move back to my home town.

      i learn some girl pick up skrill from internet. some times i hang out in the night club.but i donot like that atmosphere i really want to find a true love.

      i have some serious problem,
      like shelton, i do not care much about other people's feeling. my pshchological age is much younger than my real age. both of which like my cousin and my grandpa. I had a very serious ocd, every time i left home i had to lock the door 5 times, every time i wash hand i have to spent 100 seconds. and i have time sechdule to do everything.( now the ocd vanish. )

      i was too shy to speak to girls, if i drank a beer it would be better. now i am not shy any more. i tried several time in the street ask the stranger girl phone number.

      if a girl like me , i always think i could find a better one. when she left me, i felt regret.

      and i have no sense of romance, i always think a small gift ,flower is useless. you could not eat flower!!

      when in a date, i talk a lot of science, but maybe the girls don't like it. And i don't like those girls who are also fond of science. because most of the case they are not attractive.

      i do not even have much very good buddys, at first they like to make friends with me. but latter on they find me very weird, very unsocialized not agree with others, talk about some topic they don;t really care about.

      I really wish i could be as normal as other people.
      i have another cousin who is the same age with me. he was consider a bad boy when he was even in primary school. he studied terribly. in that time his parents are so disappointed. my parents always told me don't follow my cousin, he will lead a pathetic life

      but latter he became an artist. he paint painting, he is a rock band singer, he act in movies, he made a lot a lot of money. the most important things, he have hundreds of girlfriends in his life.

      though he believe in a lot of stupid things, and very superstitious. I still think this is the life i want to live!!!!

      I am a nerd. Though to other eyes i am talented, and have a happy life. I am not happy to be nerd.
      these several years i know some poker friends. some of them are even very very successful in poker. but a lot of them are also nerd.

      I want to change! i know it is very hard ,because my gene have decide what i am. my nerd cousin have the same height with me, we have exactly the same hobby. but i do not like him.

      It is not too late. i want to change !!!!!!~!
  • 6 replies