I hate myself and i want to die

    • RakeWhore
      Joined: 17.07.2014 Posts: 8
      Hello there poker fellas, i have been playing poker for almost 2 years now and i need to change things a bit.

      As i said, i've been playing for 2 years, started of at some Italian network ( still on it ), playing NL5 and never went higher then NL25 regular and NL50 shots. My poker career in a nutshell is this : Started of grinding the lowest limits as we all did, played NL5 for 2 months or something like that and moved up on NL10. It didn't took me long to beat that level as well, maybe 2 months tops ( it would have been less but i withdraw money ) and then i started NL25. First 2 months i made around 700e profit, and from then till now it has been all about ups and downs. I live in a small country in south/eastern Europe, so you should guess that i started playing poker because of money, and when i started making some, it turned my whole lifestyle around and i'm very glad about that. So from about that time, i started playing NL25 ( 6 tabling mostly ), and living off of it.

      It was all fine and dandy, roll went up and sometimes down but never to low. Also, i have been quite sucesfull at tournaments, now it's been 9 monts in a row that i've been winning tournaments on monthly basis ( 600e is the biggest one, tournaments are not so juicy on that network, but really fishy ). Also i had worked with a great coach who is a master of HEM , and that really improved my vision and my play.

      It all went wrong 4months from now when i decided that i should stop being a parasite, leave my parents on their own, and start living of poker since i already make more then a monthly salary from where i'm from.
      I' have always coped with dowswings in that period by having sweat sessions with poker players, asking advices from experianced players and watching videos on the internet.

      But this month is like, living hell. I moved back to my hometown so i wouldn't spend too much money at the start of my "living of poker" career.
      And then the worst thing happened, after 17 days im -700e, can't cash in anything and i think i need motivation and i need to work on my game and mindset now more then ever so i decided to open this blog.

      Sadly, i will have to start from NL10 again X( , hope to be back on NL25 in a week or max 2. I will use this blog to post thoughts, hands and anything else about this poker life of mine, and hopefully get good advices. I hope i will be able to post on a more regular basis.

      My stats are :

      25/21 , 3bet 8 , f3bet 58, 4bet 15 , f4bet 59
      cbet 47, fcbet 41, steal 40

      See ya after my first session, gl and hf.

      Challenge for next 7 days :
      - Watch 2 videos per day
      - Play 12k hands
      - Look for my own leaks

      Edit : Forgot to mention that i'm 25 and a student, currently have two years left to finish uni :)
  • 7 replies
    • CrazedTulip
      Joined: 19.09.2009 Posts: 63
      do you feed on these things? when will you play nosebleeds in october?

      btw victim/whore is not to creative
    • RakeWhore
      Joined: 17.07.2014 Posts: 8
      I was just reading his blog , by random of all of them on first page :)

      No, i don't have a gf , i don't need to withdraw so i can eat and i really hope to play NL50 in october :) )))

      Seriously guys it's just a coincidence, please don't take me as a troll.
    • Tomaloc
      Joined: 17.01.2011 Posts: 6,850
      idk i guess that the only thing i can say is that you probably still have more things to try before dying
    • Lazza61
      Joined: 23.03.2011 Posts: 8,961
      Hey RakeWhore,

      Welcome to PokerStrategy.com :)

      Nice first post. It always seems that when things start rolling nicely and you can make big life decisions, the shit hits the fan. Poker can be so cruel.

      If you take advantage of a free money offer, we can upgrade your status to bronze which will allow you to post images and graphs in your posts, sending friend requests and private messages. and more strategy and videos.

      Hope you run as well as RakeVictim. :f_biggrin:

    • Harrier88
      Joined: 01.05.2012 Posts: 1,970
      Originally posted by Lazza61
      Nice first post. It always seems that when things start rolling nicely and you can make big life decisions, the shit hits the fan. Poker can be so cruel.
      I once listened to an interview with high stakes PLO crusher Martin Bradstreet. He said that right after he bought his first house with his poker winnings, he started to lose for 30 days straight.

      As a struggling micro stakes grinder, I obviously never was in a position like that, but I also seem to get hit by the worst of swings when I get ready to move up.

      Don't sweat it, it's just poker.
    • RakeWhore
      Joined: 17.07.2014 Posts: 8
      Yeah don't mind the blog name, it's just a title, i'm not a depressed maniac :D ( yet )

      So here we go day 1 :

      I played 2 sessions so far, i'm not happy with my overall game, but for this level of poker that is being played at NL10 tables, it was enough. Horrible things still happening, but both sessions went +1BI so that's ok, finally green numbers in HEM since last 10 days it was all red.

      I played total of 1700 hands, but i'm not done for today ( my third session usually starts around 11PM ) so i will play around 2500 for the day, and thats great.

      There are lot of short stackers and that's really annoying so i had to lower my pfr and vpip, i was playing 22/18 with 3bet around 6.5, and those are deffinatly the stats that are excellent for beating this level. Unlike NL25, fish tend to stack of with crazy holdings, and i really enjoyed watching that after all those brutal NL25 happenings. With a nice run of 5-6 days here i should be back in NL25 in no time ( hopefully, unless something horror like happens ).

      Also, regulars are so bad, their fold to 3bet is 80%+ and they still open 40%+ BTNs, they are only solid in UTG position, but even from there, they fold like 60% of their hands. They are pretty straightforward in 3bet pots, and thats all nice, but they are boring as hell. So i adjusted and almost never 3bet AKs, AKo, JJ+ from the BB or SB when those regs open their CO or BTN's. Also BvsB they are throwing money with 3bet around 11-13 and fold to 4bet at 65% +.


      Here are some hands that went wrong :


      Decided to flat here because i am not showing any real strenght, and for sure i know that i have him dominated and that he is probably holding TT-QQ and AK. When the flop hits and he bets, i'm quite sure he is on JJ-QQ, maybe even 99 so i know he is not folding any of that if i shove. Sadly, he turns full house.


      Thats what i was talking about, really bad regs. CO open 27, fold to 3bet 77 and 4bet 10. Fold to 5bet 13 ( 8 ). I know that if he calls i'm not in front but there is lot of equity + dead money, but it's funny how very bad ABC players these guys are. I didn't want to call his 4bet oop because if an A or K hits and he has an underpair he will just go check-fold, and in case a lower board came, there is no way i could bluff him of his pair.


      Fun times


      Here BTN is a mega donk so i decided to shove here knowing that i will probably get a call, but with many outs, plus the fact that he could have called with AT, weaker diamond draw , straight draw made me lean towards shoving. Good thing that still in these sad times, i manage to get lucky sometimes :D

      Now about my biggest leak : calling down nits when they are bluffing in that spot 1 in 100 times.


      15/11 3bet 3.4 an cbet 55. Best thing that could happen on the river, we split the pot, but obv there are so many combos here that have me crushed. I should really find a way to stop myself from calling these things and wasting money. Maybe hire someone to punch me in the face every time i do something like that :D

      So that's it for my first 2 sessions, i also played one tournament, got out AQo vs AKo with 20BB's, and i forgot to put that also in my challenge list.

      - Win a tournament in these 7 days

      See you soon :f_cool:
    • RakeWhore
      Joined: 17.07.2014 Posts: 8
      Sorry for some bad linking of hands during my first update :)

      Ok so here we go with the second update. So, 2 and a half days have gone since i've started this blog and here are all the sessions, i've mentioned the first 2 in my previous post.


      Yesterday i played 1.6k hands in one long session, and i'm not really happy with it. I was like +3BI+ untill 1.3k hands and then i threw 3 stacks away on cash games because i made it to the final table of one tournament and lost concetration for the cash game + ran into AA.

      First place was 200 euros and that's what i was aiming for, but as soon the FT started i overplayed QJo from the BTN. Since the table was pretty fishy i decided to isolate limpers from the BTN, and then played it really bad.


      After that i was struggling a bit, managed to chip up with KK ( opponent folded on the turn ), and then went out in a simple SBvsBB situation. I got 74 euros ( somewhere around that ).


      Today i decided that i should play 5NL10 tables and open one really fishy NL25 table and with that i'm fine, i'm not rolled for NL25 but i know i have the game to beat it. Unless it all goes to shit, i will play like that for now and when i make 150 euros more of profit, i will probably play 2-3 NL25 tables.

      I can say that coming back to NL10 had a really good impact on me. I got really motivated to quickly beat the levels, both NL10 and NL25, and i am really looking to improve my game.

      I decided that i should defend my BB more , and stop calling so much from SB.


      Sorry for my boring posts, but i really have no problems with NL10, or any dilemmas so i guess this blog will get more exciting when i start 6tabling NL25 :)