This site uses cookies to improve your browsing experience. By continuing to browse the website, you accept such cookies. For more details and to change your settings, see our Cookie Policy and Privacy Policy. Close

NSFW Language (Push the Limits).

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Ward 9; 8:00a.m.
      Lying in bed, he’s just asked one of those superbly cute and bossy – oooo he does like it when they get bossy :fouet: – nursey types, to lend an arm to lean on and to assist his wobbling to the loo and back.
      So off they tootle, he in his dressing gown with no arse in it and tartan Christmas bloody slippers, walking like a bit part actor from Thunderbirds, and her doing the American Smooth trying valiantly to keep him upright and vectored in. :challenge: They both laugh (well she does), but he's one step ahead, or at least one step ahead, one backwards and two steps to either side, and starts :spit: all over the floor and their feet. Now it’s Dancing on Ice (actually dancing on icky) versus Thunderbirds and icky is winning bigtime (but oddly and disappointingly, no carrots). :|
      This is not in the least bit at all embarrassing, he thinks, honest it isn’t.

      ‘Would you like any help in there lovely?’ ‘If you need any help, just pull your cord ok babes?’ He smirks to himself, ‘Oh, I’ll let you work those two out yourself, – ‘lovely’. :pokerface:

      Detouring the icky, they promenade back to bedibyes then its shave time. Nursey kindly supplies a bowl of luke warm water, no shaving cream – and a blue, single blade razor. Oh yes, that mighty fear inducing, face skinning icon, that chin chopping; lip slicing; nose nicking torture tool of the Inquisition known only as - ‘A Bic!’. 8-o
      Toottles back to the loo to get the blood dabbed with paper towels that would take the skin off an Armadillo's arse, makes an appointment with the plastic surgeon to have his bottom lip sewn back (made that bit up) and he’s ready for more pills. By now, really really ready, and well camouflaged with a face that looks like he's been hit by shrapnel ad the only medical supplies were post-it notes.

      So anyhoo, back in bed nursey spots the mathematics book and from then on he’s called Brains by them all. Ye, go on, go on and laugh bitches, mock the afflicted while their down why don’t you; now let’s see you laugh while you mop up that icky…Hah! :gl:

      Shoop next (cutest nursey ever can’t say soup), so hot it had a bloody half-life and Brains is nearly supine, getting spoon-fed because he can’t even sit without help and would for sure decorate the ward with the boiling lava lake of oxtail if he had a spoon (think thunderbirds 8, the ballista). Later he gets told off for arsing about with the bed up-and-down controller thingy so starts to read button play theory. Yep, you read it correctly, button theory! Jeeze!

      So we have a thunderbirds marionette reading poker theory, the guy opposite asking for his bill, ‘Thank you very much, I’ve had a nice time and the soup was tasty, but can the manager bring me my bill now please, I want to go home. The guy in the end bed shouting ‘Help!’ ‘Help!’ Let me out, it’s like being in jail! Then of course, there’s the 70+ year-old lady who’s been trying to get into my bed most of last night and is still wandering lonely as a cloud around the corridors; and of course not forgetting the bloke next to me looking everywhere for his shoes – the ones he’s wearing – and you get the picture.

      Welcome, to the twilight zone.

      I may even do a blog.
  • 54 replies
    • VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 13,180
      They SHAVE you in hospital!
      Man that is *so* horrible. The torture!
      Imagine! Removing thousands of body parts!

      The Horror!
      I'm aghast!

      It's good to see your sense of humour is returning Mal!
    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Those particular razors could actually remove body parts believe me.
      But It's not the thousands of useless body parts being snipped off that scares me, just the few that still work, like my eyebrows and hands for example! I mean, where would we be without eyebrows and hands I ask? Questions would be asked in parliament and nobody would notice, that's where we'd be, so we wouldn't get any sensible answers to our....oh, wait...:sifflote:

      So here I am, back at home and all wobbly-like, starting a noo ear off at nl2 6max with the help of a lovely and clever coach who is confident I will crush the game very soon; , so look out for gadget, he's gonna get ya!
      Going very well at the moment at normal tables, up about 7 or 8 BI or so since yesterday over a mighty 3K or so. Strange when I would normally do that in a session before. I need to go through 20K then do a review to see how crap I am and what needs to be done to improve me; well, a psychiatrist and a plastic surgeon wouldn't be short of the mark according to mrsgadget. Pff.

      Speaking of She Who Must Be Obeyed, I'm trying to make a list of what to do in an emergency. My illness was our first personal one, but I had to try to phone the doctor and couldn't see the bloody phone properly never mind the number, I was virtually blind. Meanwhile mrsgadget was running around the living room in total panic and the dog got scared and crapped on the bloody floor. Not entirely sure who was in the worst state, but I know who smelled worst!
      So, #1 do this; #2 do this, etc., etc., and pin it to the calendar.
      I'm not good with phones and stuff but maybe I can set up a 'Just press number 1' or something and it will auto-phone I dunno.

      Ok, nl2 for 20K, move up quickly through the ranks and own nl50 by the end of the coachings. Easy game.

      [x] current 25bb/100 sustainable

    • VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 13,180
      Ok, nl2 for 20K, move up quickly
      Dollars or hands :coolface:
    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Joined: 27.09.2009 Posts: 22,342
      In in in in in in in in in!

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      You are very welcome sir. Those with, shall we say, less of an emotional aspect to their game may not find this particularly edutaining methinks.

      So 5.8k hands and 4 days into this and - jeez, I used to do that before lunch at zoom 5 some days - it's not been the fun ride I was expecting. So many nitfish!
      Filter shows I've been 3bet 119 times so far preflop, that's like 1:50 ish. 'nuff said there. My own 3bet is 3.09%. Lol, see? Nitfish. In my defence - for 'defence' read clutching at fucking straws ya fish' - yesterday was a cold deck day.

      Yawnfest graph alert:

      Found so many leaks already I'm thinking it would be easier to have my game caulked than analysed. Jeeze what a fucking mess.

      A lot of the blame sits squarely with one learning just enough to get into trouble, but then forgetting just enough to ensure one can't get the fuck back out again; a corollary of which is making more mistakes, trying to correct the first mistakes, which in turn... This as we know helps preserve the fish's natural spew:baws ratio of poker 'moves' and consolidates their belief that they play great but sometimes get unlucky - a lot.
      I think the spew:baws ratio theory should be taught as a fundamental strategy to all noobs. I t would save so much time and effort if they knew the standard plays by heart right from the get-go. I am of course available for live expert coachings on this topic.

      One ploy I have started using is, when iso-raising, make it bigger than 'standard'; because when you do, suddenly the whole world wants to get involved. Not the 3x +1 stuff, 5 or 6x straight away, bang and if they call that, 7x next time buddy! Just try it and see how far you can go, my record is 10x and 3 callers so far on 6max. Well of course I wiffed the flop...duh! :f_ugly:
      I also think there should be a rule at nl2 that every day should be made a weekend day.

      Didn't play Tuesday, my vision went west again, well, actually, west;east;north and south and on occasion round and round. So i basically sat around bored and dizzy for the day.

      BR $154.33

      WR 12.3

      Not bad but it's early yet, plenty of time for a large portion of tilt, especially since it's so tough to put people on ranges here.

      In other news, my dog is now unwell and keeps following me around the house with such a quizzical look and mrsgadget is still too nervous of my condition to let me out of her sight.
      The latter having the consequence of her asking me how I am 4,321 times an hour of course, the former meaning lots of poo and spew on the floor.

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Ok, graph time; so here's the first one:

      Not too bad I suppose but I can still spew like a drunk at a fairground.

      I'm iso-raising too wide apparently to. Moi, any two iso? Surely not! :coolface: It works down here in the trenches (w$wsf about 92%) but then so does everything else, doesn't make it a good play though. Me iz gettin' ready to move up so need to start doing it proper-like, init. Pity, it's fun and we like fun don't we Mal? Yes Mal.

      Here's one of the fun hands.

      Iso-raised this one the last 6 hands in a row, cbet the flop for 50% and taken the pot. I start getting called a twat after iso 2 and by iso 4 I was apparently expected to do things with my dog that could only be enjoyed by a massochistic surgeon. Oh and I was expected to die to, but whether that was to be pre or post I couldn't make out.

      So, iso number 7 it is then, let's have some fun!

      Poker Stars, $0.01/$0.02 No Limit Hold'em Cash, 6 Players

      SB: $2.04 (102 bb)
      BB: $3.18 (159 bb)
      UTG: $2.41 (120.5 bb)
      MP: $1.06 (53 bb)
      Hero (CO): $4.42 (221 bb)
      BTN: $2.04 (102 bb)

      Preflop: Hero is CO with A T
      UTG folds, MP calls $0.02, Hero raises to $0.06, 3 folds, MP raises to $1.06 and is all-in, Hero calls $1

      Flop: ($2.15) 4 A 4 (2 players, 1 is all-in)
      Turn: ($2.15) J (2 players, 1 is all-in)
      River: ($2.15) 7 (2 players, 1 is all-in)

      $2.15 pot ($0.08 rake)
      Final Board: 4 A 4 J 7
      MP showed 8 Q and won $2.07 ($1.01 net)
      Hero showed A T and lost (-$1.06 net)

      Well that was fun wasn't it children, shall we do it again! :fuckyeah:

      Trying to run filters but I'm so fucking crap at it I can get two entirely conflicting results running the same filter twice. Muppet. So I'll go find a vid on it this weekend. One of the mighty Bogdan's database ones will do very nicely. Thanks mighty Bogdan.
      Not really there in terms of volume yet but I may as well start with simple ones.

      What else. Oh ye, I have a 3.5%-ish 3bet from every position but I'm not allowed to fix that yet, keep it simple I was told. Oh boy, once the iso-raising gets discovered I'm for! Yes boss, sorry boss. :facepalm:

      In other news I'm not getting much better healthwise, still stumbling about like a pisshead trying to catch the off-licence before closing. I haz a walking stick yu know!

      Sadder news is my lovely softy pooch has developed arthur eye test in her back leg and it makes her squeak when she gets up. She is about 9 so can't expect much else, but she so loves her walks round the park, chasing the ducks and stuff.

      Mrsgadget is full of the joys of spring because she thinks I'm getting better, well you do what you do to see the smile, init.
      She watched the final of Celebrity Big Brother last night and managed to curse and swear her way through it from 9pm to 12:15am. She even through an envelope at the tv because she hated one of the contestants so much and tried to argue with an advertiser (sounds like me, that one).
      Given she didn't swear at all before she met me, I say corruption mission proceeding as planned; good job Mal. :appl:


      Owned nl2 (duh), walked like R2D2, dog chased some ducks, swmbo swore at the tv and I fucked HM2 up.

      'Bout it really.
    • Lazza61
      Joined: 23.03.2011 Posts: 11,530
      Originally posted by gadget51

      Sadder news is my lovely softy pooch has developed arthur eye test in her back leg and it makes her squeak when she gets up. She is about 9 so can't expect much else, but she so loves her walks round the park, chasing the ducks and stuff.

      Sadly I squeak when I move too. Although I stopped chasing ducks when they got too quick for me. :sifflote:
    • Ramble
      Joined: 17.11.2008 Posts: 1,461
      Glad I found this gem of a blog early on - following.
    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Godddamn it mrsgadget says I have to cut the fucking swearing out a bit and grow up. FML.

      Oh well, here goes, I've changed the title to start us off, which is my concession to swmbo.

      Hi Ramble, nice to see you here. :)

      Here's a good tuuune:

    • nmilan84
      Joined: 21.07.2010 Posts: 414
      :welcome: back sir.
      Will enjoy reading your blog, and hope to see You progress trough the limits very fast, NL50 is not that far away, but one step (ahead would be nice) at a time.

      GL @ the tables

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Well, I had a motherfucking, implant busting; arse wipe of a day today. Played like a punch drunk druggy trying to get his vein up with the lights out - and of course the 70+/50 mob fisted my ass so many times I couldn't walk for an hour after. Sit out (?), pff I couldn't fucking stand by the end.
      I actually don't mind all the crap bits so much, it's just I played for the longest time cold decked and badly.

      Here's a barf:

      Still sneaking in with 6bb/100 so I'll be back up tomorrow. Easy game really.

      In other news mrsgadget is upset because her nephew had yet another stroke the poor bugger, he's only 20-ish and can't talk from the last one; nice kid to. Kinda puts my bollox of a moany day into perspective doesn't it?

      I also tried to take a photo of my pooch to put on the wall but even she wont look at me today. Fml.

      Well at least I didn't swear.

      Ooooo this is more like it!

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      So a quick update. Everyone on the table is a whale except MP who is a stationy reg and we've all got good stacks:

      SB: $5 (250 bb)
      Hero (BB): $5 (250 bb)
      MP: $6.78 (339 bb)
      CO: $5.81 (290.5 bb)
      BTN: $7.30 (365 bb)

      Preflop: Hero is BB with Q Q
      MP calls $0.02, CO calls $0.02, BTN folds, SB raises to $0.04, Hero raises to $0.15, MP calls $0.13, CO calls $0.13, SB calls $0.11

      Flop: ($0.65) 8 3 4 (4 players)
      SB checks, Hero bets $0.47, MP folds, CO raises to $5.65, SB folds,

      Hero's move? - and no, I didn't 3bet big enough.

      Villain is a whale 78/0 over 300+ hands. I think crying fold but he could just as easily have some sort of overpair rather than a two pair flop.

      #1 I'm finding tables full of whales hard to play.
      #2 I only just found out how to filter out 250bb tables today! :rolleyes:

      Anyhoo, I'm a whale as well last couple of days, so putting that right before I sit in again later.

      I hope you're all having fun, especially those sat on my left. Bastads. :facepalm:

      Off to walk the pooch.
    • peddy53
      Joined: 21.11.2009 Posts: 105
      Subbed as normal =) , are you able to sit now?
      You can consider yourself lucky by playing with so many whales, variance is high but profit wise will be high as well.
    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Hi peddy, good to have you around here :f_thumbsup: and yes, I'm sitting comfortably now thank you! I'll get back to the whales later.

      So I've been given permission to mention I'm receiving coaching from the awesome multi-tasker vonki, but how she finds time for me I have no idea. Please don't ask about costs etc., as they need, as one would expect, to be kept private.

      Things I need to work on - a lot.

      #1 Discipline.
      Don't try to play poker yet, you're still a fish. :f_cry:

      #2 Discipline.
      Don't be shipping AQs v an agro-fish just coz he's an agro-fish and coz he 4bet 4 times in 4 hands versus hero and coz what the fuck it's $2. Donk.

      #3 Discipline.
      Don't try playing poker versus the regs (see #1). We are building a roll for later and learning about styles, look for passive fish and leave the regs/whales/agro-tards to have fun. You know who you are, we'll be back later ok? :pokerface:

      #4 Find out why the fuck HM2 gives conflicting 'Net Won' compared to my Stars Account. E.g. I lost $4 in HM but MY Account shows over $6 loss. Can I have another dafuq please? Thank you.
      I'm beginning to think the currencies may be confusing it when I play $, £ and Euro at the same time?
      Any clues guys?

      #5 Discipline.
      Play an hour, take a break, not 6 hours with one coffee.

      #6 Discipline.
      As cool as zoom might be to accumulate vpp/fpps and 40 gazillion hands a month - well actually my record is about 160 ish - stick to 6 tabs of normal nl2 6 max. Easier, less stress, higher winrate. Easy game!

      #7 Discipline.

      Using my spideymath senses I can feel a pattern developing, where is it...

      I'd like this coaching to be a success for a few reasons:

      #1 Get me the fuck out of miscros and earn a few dollars to take the pressure off mrsgadget who isn't very well. This was the idea in the first place, so motivation is easy.

      #2 vonki can be the bright and shiny lady coach, who, by her actions (and success!) hopefully encourages other ladies to play and partake in coaching. I've long been a silent advocate of having more ladies get involved so this fitted well with my outlook, as fortunate a coincidental opportunity (at least for me) as it was even. I've been - mostly at least - silent because I have no clue about marketing such a thing.

      #3 To show that even an old fart, with a continum of spewtard moves, can be taught to play at some semblance of a level considered 'competent.'

      I do however, have grave doubts about my ability to cause mbml lose sleep over my rise to fame. :s_tongue:

      and look, hardly any swearing.

      Good boy.

      Fuck it, I've been far too nice to you, so here's some K-Pop: :gl: :gl: :gl:

    • gadget51
      Joined: 23.06.2008 Posts: 5,622
      Haven't played today yet and likely wont. Went to town to get medicine and shopping and had to walk. It's 3 miles and I'm still rather wobbly but accompanied mrsgadget on her way to work anyway - did I mention the rain? I live in Whales, did I need to!
      So anyway, I'll make this short as I'm all over the place. Got robbed in town today when I was taken ill, some nice people around. They took all we had and my eyesight is too bad when I get ill to recognize them again. Fuck what a shit day, mrsgadget will go into panic mode again. Luckily we don't need to buy food this week is all and no injuries.
      I've cancelled our cards etc at least and the bank people were very helpful.
      So I even had to stumble home not being able to walk straight or see properly; I expect I looked like drunk dressage from a distance. It took me 3 hours to get home and then I slept for 2.

      Maybe I shouldn't bother with this here but at least people will know why I may not post for a day or two.

      Getting older sucks sometimes.

      Hope you had a better day.
    • Bachinskiy
      Joined: 10.07.2008 Posts: 15,273
      Hi, gadget51!
      What city do you live? (- I from Russia. City - Moscow)
      I work in the taxi. me 27 years old! I bad player in the poker now!
      I lost since 2010 more $30.
      now pay their debts to banks for loans.
      my mistake in the game without a bankroll
      I wish you success
      thank you.
      update: more $30k
    • VorpalF2F
      Super Moderator
      Super Moderator
      Joined: 02.09.2010 Posts: 13,180
      Originally posted by gadget51
      Haven't played today yet and likely wont. [1]

      Getting older sucks sometimes. [2]

      Hope you had a better day.
      Jeez, Mal, that sucks!

      [1] Yeah, take it easy. RL is just going to mess up poker.
      [2] It does indeed suck, however it does beat all currently known alternatives. :D

      And I had a totally uneventful day, which on the face of it does appear to be better.

    • Ramble
      Joined: 17.11.2008 Posts: 1,461
      Originally posted by gadget51
      Got robbed in town today when I was taken ill, some nice people around. They took all we had...
      Sorry gadget - Far too many predatory assholes around these days. Hope you and Mrs. G aren't too shaken up and can put this behind you soon.