Mathematical Proof why Santa must have helpers

    • SoyCD
      Joined: 20.02.2008 Posts: 6,356
      Depending on where one is from the Mythos around Santa that brings presents on Christmas Eve, differs. In fact in some places it is actually not Santa that brings presents, but the Christ Child, or other helpers. After much research, we can safely say that it is in fact highly likely that Santa has help from other people. At least that is what the latest annual aeronautical engineers report says (for those of you that haven't yet read it):

      1) First off, no known species of reindeer can fly. HOWEVER there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen. We will therefore include these in our calculation.

      2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

      3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

      Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

      4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

      5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force.

      Summed up, If Santa ever DID every try to deliver the presents on Christmas Eve, without the help of others - he would be dead now.

      Since we know he isn't we can be thankful of his team :)

      All the best,
  • 18 replies
    • Dippy19
      Joined: 04.12.2007 Posts: 1,346
      It's all magical and the time slows down for him at Christmas eve, duh, didn't you ever watch any documentaries/cartoons about it :)
    • cannell555
      Joined: 06.03.2008 Posts: 2,410
      Your missing one huge element here - magic fairy dust!! This puts an end to all your maybe/maybe nots. Chris is a legend!!
    • EagleStar88
      Joined: 06.10.2008 Posts: 7,359
      ROFL, nice one Soy. :D
    • timukasr
      Joined: 26.05.2007 Posts: 1,820
      Originally posted by cannell555
      magic fairy dust!!
      Math is for weak.
    • 1seednoir1
      Joined: 27.05.2008 Posts: 1,068
      Santa is.... Superman....
      Same ol same...
    • slikec
      Joined: 04.02.2008 Posts: 1,155
      You could be much shorter since this sentence tells everything:

      Originally posted by SoyCD
      Since we know he isn't we can be thankful of his team :)
      And yes we should be thankful to our mum and dad, grandmas, grandpas, brothers/sisters ;)

      Happy December :D


      P.S.: Take it easy with drinks/drugs ;)
    • cannell555
      Joined: 06.03.2008 Posts: 2,410
      Originally posted by slikec

      P.S.: Take it easy with drinks/drugs ;)
      Liverpool has a big drink and drug problem this time of year :/

      The problem is, there's just not enough to go round!! :D
    • ehkayforty7
      Joined: 16.05.2008 Posts: 123

      That was great. :D
    • qcjunior
      Joined: 07.09.2008 Posts: 144
      I allways suspected santa had helpers(elves).
      But these mathematical calculations have completely changed my views on santa.after looking at these calculations for a few hours,I have come to realize that its not possible to do these things, leaving me with the only logical conclusion SANTA IS REAL!

      the flamming reindeer really made me take a closer look.

      uumm.. channell555 , fairy dust was used by tinkerbell on peter pan,I think santa really has his own magical powers.
      your confusing your documented historical facts!
      Soy thank-you for posting this about santa and his helpers,it has shown me that I would not be wrong in saying...


      ps. Q7c is good again! haha
    • mikeymac12
      Joined: 01.11.2008 Posts: 10
      But if Santa is scientifically advanced (which he obviously is), he has found a way to move at near speed of light. (I'm thinking its the reindeers...Star Trek had it completely wrong all along). He therefore does it in no time flat.

      Therefore, Santa is awesome.
    • andrewkd
      Joined: 20.11.2008 Posts: 108

      but i have ne question.

      how much spare time do you have???????

    • Calron
      Joined: 13.11.2008 Posts: 115
      You mean there... is... no... SANTA?!?

    • Aldril
      Joined: 15.12.2008 Posts: 3
      Hmm. I'm almost sure that Santa uses his magical Dealer Button to actually stop the time and do his thing. Thats the only logical explanation.
    • suvalgysiu
      Joined: 09.06.2007 Posts: 307
      1) YES raindeer exist.

      2) children are persons under 12 (as when one hits puberty, they stop believing in the magic tooth fairy and Santa Claus) and above 3 (since babys don't care about material gifts).
      There isn't a good child in each home, if a family averages 3 children, then in one house all of the children will be good (living proof is the Flanders home), and the other will be bad or mixed up. So that reduces Santa's workload from 91mil to ~30mil.

      3) When Santa reaches a speed higher than the speed of light, mr. Einstein stops the time & space continuum (or is it Hiro Nakamura?), therefore Santa has all the time in the world to deliver the gifts.

      4) your calculations of Santa's bag are incorrent. Didn't you know that Santa's bag is MAGICAL? Therefore it weighs a perfectly normal amount.

      5) the heat which is created from the tension of Santa's sleigh and particles in the air, is converted into red light, which Rudolph the Rednose raindeer shines through his nose.

      Myth that Santa does not exist - BUSTED.
    • swissmoumout
      Joined: 23.02.2007 Posts: 3,385
      hahaha awesome suva :D
    • suvalgysiu
      Joined: 09.06.2007 Posts: 307
      Thanks. I can already smell that Nobel prize coming my way :D
    • Zheelvern
      Joined: 29.10.2007 Posts: 704
      Ahahahaha, this is so great! :D
    • Ka0s
      Joined: 05.11.2008 Posts: 721
      lol. :P

      I have been working undercover for years as one of the helpers. My goal was to proof his beard was fake. I didn't succeed as I was dismantled, but I can only state that SoyCD's post is completely true.
      But please note these aren't conventional reindeers! They are a breed of reindeers and superman. Long story, but superman got lonely one night... We never see them because they simply go to fast. Sometimes we catch a glimp though and refer to them as u.f.o.'s.