Will I Resist Ruining $50?

    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Read1st: I'm a person of mood to the limits so I actually INSIST YOU not to READ this entire blog. Just go to the LAST POST AND REPLY if you can. I do appreciate your comments. Only comments related to my very recent post (whatever time it is) are welcome however. Read and write ;-)

      Click on the last page link at the top of this page now. Thanks.

      - - - original 1st post - - -

      I'll read this blog by myself, so you are not obliged to do so :-)

      It won't probably last for a long too.

      I have a serious problem while playing poker. It's the conception of money itself. It gets reversed somehow. I'm sure some of you guys have felt this at one time or another, but I just can't deal with it. It seems like losing 10 buy-ins of 100BB each is worth more than my whole bankroll. To think deeper it's not even about the money, it's more about the belief that I either WIN or LOSE. So whenever i get 10 buy-ins or more down I start thinking "i can't win at poker", "all the winnings before were just a pure luck", etc. This makes me wanna risk and lose all the rest i have left. I then feel BAD, BAD, BAD...

      I must also say I have never ever played poker for the money I earn doing any normal job (nor i have played any other game, except for two or three social bets of $5 or so in my whole lifetime :-)). So i don't count myself having a gambling problem. I don't lose money, I just can't win them because I hate losing so much.

      The problem is I can't face big losses. The fact that I have never ever deposited any money being said, I have to mention I have withdrawn somewhere between $2K and $3K of winnings during the 6 years i play poker. It's not bad actually considering the highest stakes I have played is 100NL and $30 MTT. Nothing above that. This makes me consider myself to be a winning poker player overall.

      So, now i have my
      BankRoll: $50 on stars.

      I played three sessions today (i don't like my sessions to be longer than one or two hours).

      Session #1 (2NL 6-max. ~30 mins. 2-tabling.): won about one buy in (I like my buy-ins to be 100BB, even though stars allow me to bring $5. I do it with $2.)
      BR: $52

      Session #2 (2NL 6-max. ~90 mins. 3-tabling.): went down about 4 buy ins, then recovered a bit. Losing hands like nut flush to straight flush did not affect my A game, so I just tightened a bit and kept playing.
      BR: $47

      Session #3 (2NL 6-max. ~60 mins. 3-tabling.): after a few chips going to-and-back wards, my QQ hit set and stacked someone's AA. Few minutes later and I'm holding nut flush draw on the unpaired flop with two guys being all-in ahead of me and some money already in the raised preflop pot. I quickly go through the possible outcomes and the odds, and it says like this is so marginal, that it somewhat justifies both folding or calling. I call. I hit my flush. I win.
      BR: $56

      Going for one more session now :-) Hopefully not so wild one :-)
  • 14 replies
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      I'm not sure how often i can post here without disturbing other blogs, however I feel like there are already things I must write about to read tomorrow.

      Session #4 (2NL 6-max. ~60 mins. 3-tabling.): revenge for stacking AA hit me. So I get AA, a guy before raises 4BB, I make it 12BB to go, get two callers and the festive, but a bit risky, flop of smt like QJ4 with two spades. In general, everything goes as expected for now. So i bet almost a pot to make it expensive for any possible straight or flush draw (had some good cards maybe 3-4 times of the last 10 hands to create a LAG image at that table, so i felt it would be comfortable for a guy to call pot sized bet with any draw/top pair mid kicker/etc.) and one guy goes all-in. I click on "call" in a part of a second. The thing is he had TP no kicker, that was Q-5 (i was sure he'd hold a shit like this 8-9 times out of 10) and I beat him by a good margin, except for the river comes... Yes, you guessed - 5! Lost it.

      A bit later I hit a 77A-7 turn while holding J7 from a free BB. I did lightly (1/2 pot) bet that flop before, to create the image of me holding low ace and being scared of sevens or higher kicker. This hand brought me two stacks, one of them had A-x and the other just could not let his KK go.

      And then happened the thing that forced me to write this post. I'm holding A6s in MP, e1 folds, I raise 4BB, someone makes it like 18BB and... Right, god damn it, i call. I hit nothing, I bet, he calls, and I'm stacked, you know how it happens. The main thing with this hand is I did not make like one mistake. I correctly bet 4BB from MP, because these guys call with Q6 and similar hands, so my A6 is a pretty good hand if played accordingly post flop (i can do that). However, I then made a mistake to call the re-raise pre-flop. I then made a mistake to bet OOP into the aggressor. Then a mistake to check-call the turn. And the final mistake was a desperate try to win $5 pot on the river and betting the rest of $1.1 I had in front of me. One hand. 4 pretty huge mistakes. Not smt like going for a coin flip in the wrong mood, these mistakes were really huge and I realized it immediately and quit all tables at the same moment, even folding all the hands I was in. It could have costed me additional 300BBs if I had stayed for 45 seconds more.

      BR: $56
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Well, I'm now in this Guinness or smt. for $11.

      Besides i have... Erm.... What about $1.41? True :-)

      I'm also live in a 2:1 trny on stars for $20. I can win forty there. It's smt like 60/40 i should win. I know the bankroll management. It just does not stick with me for anything long...

      Ok, i lost this trny with QQ against AJ flopped J and hitting A. Ok, what was that? I'm tired of f.ing thinking my play is bad when in reality i JUST GET BAD F....ING BEATS IN A ROW.

      Dead blog. I'll try to redeem my 11 buy-in and play for it. Will they bad beat me again? Sure, why not..... So what's the point of this game?

      Me.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Thanks for no one posting to stop me.

      Yep, i made it.

      It was like going down to $25 on 5NL and then all these 2:1 tables where i was good and was beaten. At least i had a chance there. Because they would have sucked out my AA on anything on the river at the cash tables. I had at least a chance at these f.ing trnys, i only needed to win like 1 in three. I they got me with hands i was ahead.

      I then lost my last one for a buy in of $10, with almost nothing but a bluff on the river.


      And the rest $2+ went out when i got KK on .05/.10 table and went allin after two all-iner's. One of them had AK and won. I lost my KK. It's so f.ing unbelievable........ Bye. For now. Will get another 50 in the other place to play again..... This kills me.
    • Vargan
      Vargan
      Bronze
      Joined: 07.03.2008 Posts: 565
      As for nobody answering you, have you checked the date today?

      Its christmaseve/first day of christmas. And no, its not just a religious holiday its also the most commercial one.


      Sad you lost $50, but I can say if you can't do BRM, and stick to one game, youll keep on loosing. Ive been in your shoes. They are not comfortable, but I belive where there is a will there is a way.
    • hunt32
      hunt32
      Bronze
      Joined: 29.02.2008 Posts: 216
      Learn from your mistakes, learn about BRM and strategy, and find a suitable game (SNG, BSS, SSS, MTT). That's about it.

      Happy holidays!
    • Dykiller
      Dykiller
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.02.2008 Posts: 167
      not sticking to bankroll management is your ticket to losing money in the long run.

      Losing money is not fun. I dont understand why you would play to lose.

      Play the smart way, follow BRM and your on your way to poker stardom
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Thanks for your replies. I know BRM, I don't need to read it, I need to USE IT! :-)

      Anyway, I have some news.

      So I lost my $50. Then took a break from poker after which I deposited $10 and made a total of +$41 (I had to withdraw the initial $10 after that :-)) in 4 long sessions multi tabling $.01/.02 NL 6-max, every time buying in for 50BBs and leaving whenever i have 75BB or more.

      So I had $41 in my account and no big swings yet. ($11 of those were T$; I won a $2.20 satellite to sunday 200 grand in two tries. These are easy to win, I used to play them a lot with a near 100% ROI). The worst down so far was for about 3-4 buy-ins. Feeling confident about my winnings I sat at $.02/.05, 6-max, four tables buying in for $2.50 each. I immediately hit my best run of cards and lost my BR down to $22. You should have seen this. I was sitting at those tables being dealt AA/KK every third hand or so, raising like a maniac with people trying to raise at me back with 9To, and still I did not win a single pot :-) It lasted for about 20 mins when I decided to stop. My AA/KK/AK/QQ were cracked about that many times during those 20mins as in my whole years of playing poker put together.

      So now i have $11 in my BR
      (+ T$11 reserved for sunday 200K).

      Back to $.01/.02.

      I'll also play sunday 200K, because I'm actually freerolling it. It's only $4.40 I spent for satellites, and even those I won from a maniac at $.01/.02 pushing allin every hand, so it only took me to wait till I was dealt QQ and then AK to make $1 into $5. These didn't even feel like poker winnings and that's the reason i spent them in satellites. I also feel pretty confident to get ITM which would give me at least $30.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      I'm checking my stats now and here's what I see when looking at starting hands:

      AA/KK
      AKs
      total profit of $12.

      QQ
      AKo/AQs/AQo
      total loss of -$15

      Does it seem more like a bad luck or a terrible play to you?

      EDIT: I'm as much aggressive with both groups of these hands, and I play them pretty much the same with an exception of when I hold a pair of Q's on flop/turn with an overcard on board. I'm still aggressive even then, but always ready to fold to any indication of strength.

      EDIT: This is all on 2NL SH, buying in for $1. I'm actually now thinking about this and only coming to conclusion that Luck owes me about $25 cash :-) The second losing group should be about $10 up instead of $15 down. Even if one could expect the winnings per hand to be lower for the second group, it makes more hands than the first one, so the total wins should be about the same. And after reviewing my hands I cannot find anything I did so extremely bad to lose that much. It mostly was tens of suck outs of runner-runner straight/flush/trips and only a very few times when i actually was behind while putting my chips in the middle.
    • 1seednoir1
      1seednoir1
      Bronze
      Joined: 27.05.2008 Posts: 1,068
      Hey grinder!!! I first read your blog this morning. I think you have "almost" what it takes to succeed as a poker player. What you need to know is that all the effort you put into it, is useless until you do it with method. I guess you're thinking... another BRM preach?!
      yes it is!!! The reason why people keep telling you to fallow BRM is because BRm is meant to protect you from scared money plays and tilt due to the fact that when you lose, you lose a lot compared to what you have. I'll search the articles myself for you to read or listen to them:
      http://www.pokerstrategy.com/strategy/psychology/72/
      http://www.pokerstrategy.com/strategy/psychology/943/
      http://www.pokerstrategy.com/strategy/psychology/64/

      They helped me. And I would like you to listen to them and read the scared money one. then you'll ask yourself... is it worth playing poker if it's outta BRM...
      As we all know, even if it's only about pennies, it's never fun to lose and we're here to have fun. So do it properly.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Originally posted by 1seednoir1
      Hey grinder!!! I first read your blog this morning. I think you have "almost" what it takes to succeed as a poker player.
      Thanks for that ;-) I believe the "almost" part is very true. I can feel the thought "now i get it!" is just around the corner still waiting to come :-)

      Originally posted by 1seednoir1
      And I would like you to listen to them and read the scared money one.
      I read the other two articles, but the scared money one only shows me the first page, because i'm a bronze member here only. Anyway thanks for these. It's not that it's something new for me, but it helps reading same important things a time over again.

      As for the scared money, I'm not scared, nor reckless with my chips. Whenever I bring something to the table I see it as BBs no matter how much dollar value each of them represents, or how much of them I have left in my BR. It's BBs at the table I care about. I have that correct required attitude I think. My problem is I lose confidence after having a bad streak and get impatient (you know these thoughts "ok, so now I've been losing enough, it definitely can't last anymore and I *must win* the next few hands so let's raise the stakes!" :-)). My game remains as close to my best as possible, but the *must already win* part rarely fulfills anyway :-)

      So I went back to the lowest stakes and my confidence is already climbing up a bit as well as my BR :-) I'm beginning to think that I need to stick to 2NL until my BR reaches $100. This would take about ten days, up to two weeks maybe; if I play enough.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Ok... I'm at $16.82 now for cash BR.

      My T$ went to none though, I'm still at the $2.20 trny to win T$11 :-)

      - - - MTTs - - -

      I did play a few MTTs today, and they went ok, it's only my BR is too small.. You know how it comes with normal paced online MTTs when you finally hit QQ on SB for the first time in 90 mins, e1 folds, Button limps and you push your 6BB stack to get called by that same Button holding AA?

      Yep..

      Twice.

      (actually the second time was me pushing 4BB with AJs from SB with a button limped and then calling. He had JJ. Not a big difference i think).

      - - - CASH - - -

      Nothing new. My 70/30s hold up about 11 times out of 20 now so I'm a bit up considering i sucked out with a flush on the river.

      I'm buying in for 50BB so allin on turn means i'm actually only betting/calling a pot sized bet usually (well, 125% pot, it's the money i can profitable risk with two pair on the wild $.01/.02 table).

      Almost reached my BB won peak. The sad part is I lost at 5c while i have to win it back at 2c. So i'm a bit down in cash, but my game is ok.

      ------------------------
      Breaking news.

      Checked Q5 on BB. Hit Q-10-5 flop and go allin for 6BB. The guy calls with JJ. The river is J.

      My day, my day... The lunatics are on a loose, beware.... :-) Fuck it (if i can say this to calm down).
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Not sure if many of you know about this strategy on micros. Especially on SH micros.

      I found it to be the most interesting one and the most profitable. It's a MANIAC. Yes, it's true. The only thing you actually need on micros is to put the thought "i win" into the other minds. And a stack of 250BBs, not 100BBs. After you have the stack (you can bring it to the table if allowed or just sit and play your 100BB until you reach 200BB+ to risk. This must be your "fake money" - win or lose - 80/20). You can hang any micro table over by over raising 5 to 10 first pots after you sit at the table, most of them you'll win without any resistance (fold if you find any) so it will cost you about nothing most of the time. My standard raise for a starter is 9 BBs. I will adjust it between 7 and 15 as the game flows (change the table if they don't start light calling you after 5th-6th preflop raise).

      From then on you're already pissing people out of the pot and they want to play their VPIP 35%. They don't care so much about the tactics as they care about playing poker. They also see you hit your 27s flush by the river (you play correct odds, they don't know how to raise correctly) after a preflop raise and allin on the river. They want it.

      You then continue with the same pace keeping up to about 75-85 Preflop raise for 9 BBs and aggressively playing post flop. It's best to use some HUD to see how much who's playing at what and so on. You can also do it by yourself, but the main thing here is "you piss people off to the limit" so they start pushing with J high on the river after missing their gut shot. You must keep the track of who is folding and who is not, who is raising and who is not, etc.

      Do this correctly and you're about 40PTBB/100 considering it's a bad time for you. I had a week long streaks of 100PTBB/100+ playing this. I lost it to the lack of my concentration (like light calling 100BB with a second pair. It's a 95% winning hand when you play this game, however you must feel the aggression shown at you very sensitively and with the reason. Not for a 100BB definitely.).

      I may record a video of this game a bit later when my bankroll allows me to play it at 10NL at least (it seems more like allin fiesta not poker on 2NL). I played it today with my $15 (3 buyins at 2NL for $5), and I actually made it +$2 after 65 minutes. I flopped however once an Ace high flush and was beat for $5.50 (275BB) by a set hitting house and then I had Q9 after a while with a multiple draws flopped and a cheaply received turn hitting a Q high straight (nuts at that moment) and was able to put all $7 (350BB) into the middle when the Q came on the river and AK made a better straight. I never had another chance to get allin during this session, so these were the only hands i was in for a big time.

      So I actually am like ($25[the total pots I was allin for] * 85*90%[chances to win both of them] to win = .... erm what?) $16 or so, too lazy to get my calc + the real $2 i did win + add if you only win one of these pots. That's for about one hour playing .01/.02. And yes, it's always like this. I will definitely record a video of this strategy in the very near future.

      - - - -

      Finished winning $11 in a $2.20 satellite a few minutes ago. 3 wins out of 6 for now? Not bad... ~ +90% ROI, it used to be like this when i played these sats a lot.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      The latest stats.

      Cash tables:

      AA+KK+AK
      -50BB
      over 5,000 hands.

      Tournaments:

      AA+KK+AK+AQ+QQ:
      21% win rate.

      - - -

      I'm still breaking even with all this. I.e I'm bankrupt (I have returned the initial $10 I had to play poker, so I'm breaking even theoretically).

      - - -

      I have no stats for what happened with my $50 from PS, but i guess it was about the same.

      EDIT: Just think it's important to notice that I don't do things like calling AQ against an all-in raise, or smt. I'm usually ahead with all these hands, and I do play AQ/QQ only in appropriate situations like turbo trnys or pushing from folded-to-button spot with my last 4-5BBs. I also play cash tables ok, it's not that I call lots with KK while Ace is on the flop. I do read people and I know odds, and I'm pretty easy to fold even AA on a bad board unless I really have the odds (E.g. if my AA has a ~25-30% flush draw on flop + it can even win without that draw 'cause ppl do sht on 2c tables. It always ends up like the other guy is holding Q9 for a top pair 9's and hits Q by the river).

      It's all floating already after I lost 2/3rds of my stack with JJ against AK (had 1,800 with a 100/200 blinds and pushed from the button) and the very next hand I got A10s (I only had 600, i.e. 3BB left) and pushed against A5 who hit a straight. I'm now almost as high as if I had smoked something :D

      It's gonna take some 500,000 hands for all this luck of the last week to get back to fair... Jeez... Off for a week at least.
    • redvel
      redvel
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.12.2008 Posts: 35
      Just for the sake of fun. The same stats:

      Final hands 4 of a kind:
      Got 2 times over 5,000 hands for a total loss of -50BB..


      Tournaments:
      3 of a kind dealt 17 times, win 0%.

      I'm the God of poker to still break even with all this :D