hot girl next door

    • Dickbreakr
      Dickbreakr
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.08.2008 Posts: 62
      Hey everybody

      You don't know me that well but its ok. For the last few years, i've lived in a peaceful neighbourhood. Everybody respected each other. However, my life has changed since the last 2 weeks and I've decided to share it with everyone. You wonder what has changed?

      Well, a hot girl has moved next door. She is smoking! She's got the most biggest breasts i've ever seen with beautiful eyes. Cute and sexy at the same time, an amazing combination. I see her everyday and I just want to take her out to a date but I can't. I don't know whats wrong. I try making small casual conversations but everything doesn't turn out right! So I hope the members of PS can help me out with this! I know u are all very good at poker and maybe some of you have experience on this.

      Today, I met her outside the street and I made small talk.

      Me - Hi, I'm ur new neighbour

      Hottie - Hi, I'm Stacy. Who're u again?

      Me - Hey Stacy. I'm Dickbreakr, but you can call me the next Phil Ivey. I'm ready to take on WSOPME in the year 2011

      Hottie - No way! Are u kidding?

      Me - Nope, I'm always serious.

      Hottie(giggling) - Next Phil Ivey? OMG you're full of shit! I've played you on Full tilt NL10 before and I have all ur records on my PokerTracker3. According to my PT3, i have won the most money from you and you make less than 1BB/100, you are the biggest bankroll booster and FISh....

      At this point, I couldn't bear to hear anymore so I just turned away and powerwalked home as fast as I could. I turned on my computer with determination and grinded 6 tables NL10. Of course, this bastard called blondgirl111 sent me on tilt and I ended up losing 3 BIs to her.

      What a horrible day!! But I will try to win her back with my poker skills and Phil Ivey charm!
  • 27 replies
    • Vargan
      Vargan
      Bronze
      Joined: 07.03.2008 Posts: 565
      Did I go to sleep yet? Are you real?

      If you want tips I can share, but not sure if this is a joke or not. :]
    • justkyle88
      justkyle88
      Bronze
      Joined: 07.05.2008 Posts: 7,580
      haha I'm either the most gullible guy in the world or this is fake?
    • caltabiano
      caltabiano
      Bronze
      Joined: 09.03.2007 Posts: 1,992
      If this is real, you're the man.

      You gotta be cool to say to a girl: "Hey, I'm Dickbreakr"


      krkrkrkr
    • andyb43
      andyb43
      Bronze
      Joined: 23.07.2008 Posts: 903
      [quote]Originally posted by caltabiano
      If this is real, you're the man.

      You gotta be cool to say to a girl: "Hey, I'm Dickbreakr"


      You gotta be cool to say to a girl; 'Hey I'm a DickHead'.............. ;)
    • viewer88
      viewer88
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.04.2008 Posts: 5,545
      Originally posted by Dickbreakr
      Hey everybody

      You don't know me that well but its ok. For the last few years, i've lived in a peaceful neighbourhood. Everybody respected each other. However, my life has changed since the last 2 weeks and I've decided to share it with everyone. You wonder what has changed?

      Well, a hot girl has moved next door. She is smoking! She's got the most biggest breasts i've ever seen with beautiful eyes. Cute and sexy at the same time, an amazing combination. I see her everyday and I just want to take her out to a date but I can't. I don't know whats wrong. I try making small casual conversations but everything doesn't turn out right! So I hope the members of PS can help me out with this! I know u are all very good at poker and maybe some of you have experience on this.

      This sounds vaguely familiar. Did she use to be a pornstar?
    • spit22
      spit22
      Bronze
      Joined: 03.11.2008 Posts: 309
      haha someone has some time to kill obviously :P
    • vladnz
      vladnz
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.01.2007 Posts: 1,355
      LOLLLLLLLL
    • redskwerl
      redskwerl
      Black
      Joined: 03.03.2008 Posts: 3,799
      you shoulda yelled HU4ROLLZ!!!
    • viewer88
      viewer88
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.04.2008 Posts: 5,545
      you should avoid having your balls hang out in public


      that's as far as my advice with girls goes.
    • Pirokunn
      Pirokunn
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.01.2009 Posts: 148
      next time you play with her and she appears weak, stick it all in
    • erptech
      erptech
      Gold
      Joined: 15.03.2008 Posts: 659
      I know a guy who actually broke his dick.

      Anyway Dickbreakr, I'm sure it was just a downswing.
    • Dickbreakr
      Dickbreakr
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.08.2008 Posts: 62
      Hey everybody

      Glad to see the support i'm receiving! I just wanted to tell everyone how our relationship is developing. Its actually going great. I took some dating advices and managed to get her to have a night out with me.

      It started with a fancy trip to the casino. BTW, she looked hot in those apple bottom jeans. Anyways, before gambling, she says she's hungry. So we go to a nice restaurant and I buy her dinner with my cleared bonus money.
      An interesting event happened in the restaurant - While she's at the bathroom, I make small talk with the waiter. Apprantly he thinks he's better than me because he plays nl50, anyways, I tell him I'm the next Phil Ivey and he doesn't believe me! Well, fuck him. When I pay the bill, I'm only tipping him 5%, but guess what he says.... "5% only?! My rakeback on pokerstars is atleast 27%, you fucking nit!!" Whatever, what a dickhead.

      We end up to the casino and start the poker tables. Before we sit down, I announce to the table that I am the next Phil Ivey and they should just quit poker before I take all their money. But they just look at me like I'm some kind of idiot. What a bunch of assholes, won't know the future WSOP champion even if they see one.

      The table ended with me down 2 BI because poker is fucking rigged and my OESD and flush draws never come. The nice part was that she stacked the bald dude across the table. However, the night didn't end there. We decided to save the 15 dollar cab fee and take a long walk home. Oh it was romantic i tell u. We were chatting about hand histories, future sweat sessions and all that stuff. Everything we did together made me happy. Looking at her also gave me a massive erection.

      When we got to her door, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and we exchanged numbers and Pokertracker stats. Apparantly she's a 17/9 6max tag, and I'm a 30/6 loose fish. These stats don't look too promising together, I think our future relationship will be very swingy..... Just like a 30k hand graph!!
    • slikec
      slikec
      Global
      Joined: 04.02.2008 Posts: 1,155
      LOL :D

      I can't wait for more :D
    • dadude77
      dadude77
      Bronze
      Joined: 26.10.2008 Posts: 1,516
      lol
      [x] thread added to favorites!

      should this not be a poker blog??
    • NRGBlaze
      NRGBlaze
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.06.2008 Posts: 604
      @Dickbreakr
      mate you're an idiot, but you f**ing RULE!!!
      cant wait for more :D
    • TribunCaesar
      TribunCaesar
      Bronze
      Joined: 29.04.2007 Posts: 13,264
      lol.

      You should work on your style man. A 18/15 style attracts girls way more, you know. Another important thing is the aggression on all streets, Don't shut down on the turn or river, that's where it is important.

      Follow those hints and the girl will be yours.

      Best regards,
      Hitch
    • ukwagon
      ukwagon
      Bronze
      Joined: 16.09.2008 Posts: 537
      PMSL :D


      Please keep us all up to date with your new relationship :D
    • caltabiano
      caltabiano
      Bronze
      Joined: 09.03.2007 Posts: 1,992
      The second part cracked me up man :D
      Keep up the good work.
      Your 30/6 won't take you very far, but you can sell funny poker stories to make a living ;)
    • Dickbreakr
      Dickbreakr
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.08.2008 Posts: 62
      Ok, this is big guys. I have made it far.. LOL not that far but still enough to be in a little league baseball team.

      Anyways, the night before, she invited me over for dinner, at her house. You're wondering whats so special. Well, you won't be surprised until I tell you that I'm meeting the parents too. O....M....F....G...

      It all happened on an afternoon phone ring. It was totally unexpected. I was grinding 4 tables NL10 and watching the entire season 11 of South Park because Kyle is a goddamn jew and Cartman is a fatass. I pick up the phone and she asks me to come over for dinner. Ok fine, I don't expect much. Just casual dinner, but I was sooo fucking wrong.

      I get there 7pm on time. Wipe my shoes on their doormat because I accidently stepped on dogshit on my way there. She greets me and gives me a hug. 'Come meet my parents,' she says.

      I walk over nervously. It feels just like taking a shot at nl25 with a bankroll with only 15BI. I shake their hands and we do little conversations and then we have dinner.
      But something really strange happened after dinner, besides having family fun home poker game where I had to be the dealer for every round.

      To be continued
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