win a pokertracker license. funniest joke or picture wins

    • boschman123
      boschman123
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.04.2006 Posts: 1,215
      funniest joke or picture wins a pokertrackerlicense.

      hmm i think i would like to keep the license for myself so try to beat this one.
      in dutch they are called fokke en sukke, 2 normall dutch names.

  • 25 replies
    • Classical
      Classical
      Bronze
      Joined: 26.03.2007 Posts: 1,041
      George W Bush is on an official state visit to the UK, and is having tea with Queen Elizabeth. They talk shop and the Queen says: "I find it most important to have intelligent ministers in my country's Cabinet" Bush: "Yes, ma'am, I totally agree. But I have trouble determining how intelligent a candidate minister is. How do you do that?" The Queen: "Let me demonstrate".

      She rings a little bell, and through a side door, in steps Tony Blair. "Tony, answer this question for me, will you? It's a child of your parents, but it's not your brother or sister, who is it?" - "Certainly you Majesty! It's me" - "Very good Tony, you may go", and Blair steps out again.

      Bush is deeply impressed, and back home in the White House he calls for his Vice President. - "Dick!" - "Yes Mr President!" - "Dick, answer this question: It's a child of your parents, but it's not your brother or sister, who is it?" - " Ehhhmmmmm,... let me get back to you on that Mr President!" and Cheney runs out trying to find someone who knows the answer.

      After asking several staff members without success, he comes across Condoleeza Rice. - "Condi! Condi! Help me out here. It's a child of your parents, but it's not your brother or sister, who is it?" - "Well, that's easy Dick, it's me!" - "Uh, right, of course, thanks Condi!" and Cheney runs back into the Oval Office again.

      "Mr President! Mr President! I found the answer! It's Condi Rice!" - No, Dick, you IDIOT, IT'S TONY BLAIR!!"
    • Gaichuke
      Gaichuke
      Bronze
      Joined: 10.04.2007 Posts: 47
      Bear and a rabbit were in the woods taking a shit together.

      Bear asks the rabbit: "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
      Rabbit then replies to the bear: "No."

      So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
    • faststeady
      faststeady
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.01.2007 Posts: 10
      there was two goldfish in a tank

      one goldfish says to the other

      "do you know how to drive this F@#@ker"
    • Pacer357
      Pacer357
      Bronze
      Joined: 18.04.2007 Posts: 1,807
      The guys were all at a deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

      The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

      The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

      The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man.

      The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his ass and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."
    • boschman123
      boschman123
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.04.2006 Posts: 1,215
      lol , come on guys , u can do better, these jokes are older then i am. and i am 38. (omg)
    • Itchyfee
      Itchyfee
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.05.2007 Posts: 64
      Just some random stuff from my harddisk:

      This is probably in Holland :D




      Whoever that guy is




      Yeehaw!



      WTF?!?




      I got a shitload more of that stuff, but it's on some other harddisk I need to plug into my PC again first. Maybe if I got nothing to do at the weekend. :)
    • Itchyfee
      Itchyfee
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.05.2007 Posts: 64
      Oh, just found another one, this one is great, unless you like hamsters of course. :D

    • ciRith
      ciRith
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.03.2005 Posts: 18,556
      not bad (its a bit hard for nmee to understand some english jokes ^^)

      btw itchy the 2nd picture is a good known man (a really bad person)
    • JKiller121
      JKiller121
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.01.2007 Posts: 9
      A guy was playing 10-20 holdem and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun.
      “Quit playing poker forever right now and I’ll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.”, said the little fellow.
      The player replied, “Let me get even first.”

      Could someone please explain Omaha to me?
      Surely.

      What you do is get four cards. Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river. Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah,,sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again. Fun game.
    • TrentFM
      TrentFM
      Bronze
      Joined: 15.04.2006 Posts: 227
      Originally posted by Itchyfee

      not bad, I liked it
    • vladnz
      vladnz
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.01.2007 Posts: 1,355

      Shot at 2007-06-26
    • Nunki
      Nunki
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.10.2006 Posts: 865
      This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink.

      So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to the pub with me for a beer?"

      But there was no answer from his new pet.

      This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

      But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

      He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

      A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my fooking shoes on!"
    • bahmrockk
      bahmrockk
      Bronze
      Joined: 10.09.2005 Posts: 6,769
      Originally posted by ciRith
      not bad (its a bit hard for nmee to understand some english jokes ^^)

      btw itchy the 2nd picture is a good known man (a really bad person)
      rofl :P You should read the text at the upper left, darling (i hope at least :) )
      :heart:
    • frzl
      frzl
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.04.2006 Posts: 9,876
      its a bit off topic but i have to post it anyway :D
      i´m going to piss myself everytime i see it at the german board :D

    • ciRith
      ciRith
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.03.2005 Posts: 18,556
      Originally posted by bahmrockk
      Originally posted by ciRith
      not bad (its a bit hard for nmee to understand some english jokes ^^)

      btw itchy the 2nd picture is a good known man (a really bad person)
      rofl :P You should read the text at the upper left, darling (i hope at least :) )
      :heart:
      there was no smily so I thought he really doesn't know who it is. or what do you mean? (I just wann help *cry*)

      Nunki I like it. :D
    • mchaggis
      mchaggis
      Bronze
      Joined: 15.09.2006 Posts: 157
      A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

      The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

      Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

      He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
    • boschman123
      boschman123
      Bronze
      Joined: 19.04.2006 Posts: 1,215
      come on guys, just one week left, then i decide who will winn my PT. and if it stays like this, darn, i will keep it.
    • Nunki
      Nunki
      Bronze
      Joined: 25.10.2006 Posts: 865
      NB:" John Lewis " and "Marks and Spencer" are well known British retailers. Their shops can be found on many High Streets in the UK.


      There were three inept bank-robbers who decided to rob the High St. bank.
      As they came rushing out of the bank they bumped straight into a policeman.

      "Ello,ello,ello what's been going on 'ere then?" booms the policeman.

      "Nothing." reply the bank-robbers.

      "You, what's your name?" says the police-man to the first robber.

      The robber, a little unsure looks around briefly before answering, "Mark Spencer."

      "You, what's your name?" says the police-man to the second robber.

      This robber,also a little unsure looks around briefly before answering, "John Lewis."

      "You, what's your name?" says the police-man to the third robber.

      The third robber clearly very nervous looks around for some time before uttering, "Ken."

      "KEN, KEN, KEN who?" shouts the police-man.

      "Ken Tuckyfriedchicken." Came the reply.


      MacHaggis: I like :D
    • zoomzoom
      zoomzoom
      Bronze
      Joined: 14.03.2007 Posts: 8
      What does a poker player say when he enters a fish & seafood restaurant?

      He says: "Shuffle up and deal!"
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