Annoying mom... How to deal with it?

    • pablomeza
      pablomeza
      Bronze
      Joined: 22.08.2009 Posts: 508
      I'm not sure if this topic belongs here but I believe it involves psychology and management as far as time/dedication to poker goes. If this is the wrong place please move it to the appropriatte forum, thanks!

      OK first off my situation:

      I love this site and I enjoy playing Poker. I think I understand what it's about, all the mathematical concepts behind it and why, in the long term and if you're good enough, you can really achieve alot with this. I feel I at least have the potential to become a great winning player in this, and so it's natural I want to dedicate time to doing something I'm good at and has good long term prospects.

      My schedule right now only permits me to play around 2 hours per day or so, and so I play at night (Mexico time) which is when I'm usually done with my homework and there's lots of fishes waiting to donate money. The problem with this is it's always when my mom comes back from work, and so she has a mental image of me playing every time she sees me at home, and believes I am becoming obssesed and addicted and it might be a serious problem.

      I tried explaining to her the other day about how in the end and long term it becomes a mathematical game, and how I haven't invested a single cent out of my own money, and how I at least deserve the benefit of the doubt at how I invest my time and effort into my activities, since I'm a grown adult (21 years old) and very responsible. She knows how dedicated I am to things I enjoy doing, which include: top 3 grades in my chemical engineering major with 3 more semesters to go, football on 2 different teams for 3 years now, the Pokemon TCG where I actually have helped her pay for tuition fees and financed myself trips for her and myself we couldn't have done otherwise, and the list goes on.

      Basically what is affecting me the most is the stupid stigma the word 'Poker' has attached to that involves gambling. Of course if you don't know what you're doing and you 'play with your heart' lol as one of my friends says, it doesn't become something you can do profitable, but my results so far speak for themseleves, and I never pass up on homework/football/parties/girls/friends/etc. to instead be able to play a few extra hands for the day. I really want to make her understand that I am NOT gambling, I am learning, improving my play, and deicating time to an activity I enjoy doing, time which I could easily be spending on playing the Pokemon TCG, videogames, or just being dumb on the computer while in my house and all my chores/homework has been done.

      How do I make her understand? Should I just ignore it and let her see the long term results for herself? I'm afraid she's going to get the whole family together to do an intervention soon lol which would be pretty hilarious because she is seriously blowing this out of proportion. She even said it looks like I'm gaining weight because of all the time I spend on the computer, which is stupid because I wouldn't be out at 8pm on a weekday since I have already gone to the gym by then and would jst be spending my time on the internet or watching TV, but instead I spend it on Poker, an activity which could become something meaningful in the near future.

      Anyone else have any similar problems dealing with family members and their incapactiy to understand we are not gambling if we are disciplined about this, study, etc. to keep improving?

      Thanks for any feedback!
  • 32 replies
    • fun101rockets
      fun101rockets
      Bronze
      Joined: 01.06.2008 Posts: 1,162
      first of all, what is pokeman tcg and how did u use it to pay for tuition?
      I think that if you are 21, your mom should not be telling u what to do. If u dont want her to see, bring a laptop to the library and just play there. congrats on getting top three grades in enginerring and still playin on 2 football teams, that amazing.
    • supeyrio
      supeyrio
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.11.2009 Posts: 3,106
      females are emotional creatures. hard to rationalise things to them when they have already settled on a conclusion: emotions > rationale.
      since you have explained and yet she cannot understand nor accept, then what i think you can best do to alleviate your problem is to try associate good feelings with poker.
      but i'm really not sure how you can do that, but i'm sure this is the right mentality to deal with women.

      if all else fails, just choose to ignore her, like i occassionally do to my mum lols.
    • Joronamo
      Joronamo
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.10.2008 Posts: 649
      [X] Epic thread!

      OP: You remind me of myself with the gym, football, going out, co-curricular activities and poker aswell. I too grind 2 hours a days and love this site and take my game seriously. My mum and dad dont give me a hard time though, but then again they dont like poker either.

      Supeyrio: So true! Once women settle on a conclusion thats it.

      Sorry I cant think of a way to help you though man I just thought it was an interesting read cause you remind me of myself a bit. I am sure your mum won't be as crazy as you think. She probably wants you to have that fear of intervention in the back of your mind so you occasionly remind yourself of the values of life other than playing poker. Atleast she cares about you right.
    • alejandrosh
      alejandrosh
      Bronze
      Joined: 02.07.2008 Posts: 4,346
      what I did was show her me playing on a table with more than her month salary. that sure proved her I'm not addicted to gambling ?(

      at least her expression was priceless. was something like :s_o: :f_o:
    • mayoctt
      mayoctt
      Bronze
      Joined: 08.04.2005 Posts: 70
      Cash out some of your profit and buy your mom something baller she couln't afford. :s_cool:
    • Joronamo
      Joronamo
      Bronze
      Joined: 17.10.2008 Posts: 649
      Alejandrosh and maycott thats a genius idea.
    • ChoChikun
      ChoChikun
      Bronze
      Joined: 15.10.2008 Posts: 291
      Originally posted by mayoctt
      Cash out some of your profit and buy your mom something baller she couln't afford. :s_cool:
      +1

      When you give women some nice present she instantly stop thinking where money come from and don't have any questions about that any more.
    • tcs35
      tcs35
      Bronze
      Joined: 31.01.2009 Posts: 3,583
      Hey pablomeza,

      I suggest you either convince your mother you are doing the right thing. If worse comes to worse you may have to kill her.

      Toby
    • pablomeza
      pablomeza
      Bronze
      Joined: 22.08.2009 Posts: 508
      Wow thank you guys for all the replies!

      @fun101rockets - The Pokemon TCG is what it is. It's a Trading Card Game, like Magic the Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh, and it has an Organized Play (OP) programme. Through OP there are different tournaments at different levels of competition, starting from local tournaments at stores called 'Battle Roads' followed by City, States, Regional and National Championships, and finally they all culminate at the World Championships, a one time year event where the best players from all over the world compete for the trophy.

      Starting from Regional championships, 'scholarship' money is offered as a prize, meaning it's not actual cash. For you to recieve it you need to justify expenses on an educational institution, and these prizes go up to $7,500 for first place winner at Worlds. Over the course of 6 years I have been the top player in Mexico, and have gone to compete at every World Championship except one and won seveal scholarships along the way, totalling $7,000. I never managed to win Worlds but I am the mexican who has gotten the closest getting to 3rd place, and it was on a technicality so I was considered the best player back then. Right now due to all my workload as you mentioned I have no time to play it anymore, as I give Poker a priority over the time I need to practice and stuff, but I do hope to comeback to it in full force eventually.

      About the library idea, I have thought about it, but I don't have a car right now, and so carrying my laptop at night in public transport here in MX is not the greatest of ideas. Also I think if I'm trying to 'hide' the fact that I play it just gives her the more reason to be 'suspiscious' when she finds out or whatever. But thanks for the suggestion.

      @supeyrio - Females are definately emotional creatures. I'm thinking maybe try to act as joyful as possible when I'm around her and if she asks, always reply, 'it's thanks to poker' or something like that, so she can see how happy Poker makes me.

      @Joronamo - That's ok, and thanks for the positive comments! She definately cares about me, I just wish she could understand this better.

      @alejandrosh - lol that'd be sick! But I'm still a little far from that point. I'm still grinding through the limits and stuff.

      @mayoctt - That is a pretty good idea. I'm not quite there at that point yet, but I had thought in the future that a vacation for herself and me would be a good idea, all payed through Poker, specially cause she works so much and def could use a break, but I do want to ive her something special, and if I can do that with Poker money then maybe it'll help change her mindset a bit.

      @Joronamo and Chochikun - Yeah, that's something I will definately have in mind. Hopefully I can do it sooner rather than later but it definately seems like a great solution to at least alleviate some of the pressure.

      @TobyCS - lol didn't expect a serious comment from you ever.

      Thanks for the replies guys! If anyone has anymore feedback I'd love to hear it!
    • juodalksnis
      juodalksnis
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.03.2010 Posts: 26
      Hi pablomeza,

      yes, women are emotional creatures but they are not stupid either. I believe she understands that you are playing responsibly but if she's still worried there is something on her mind that you have to find out. Maybe she doubts that you have enough self-discipline to cope with a downswing which you know is going to come someday. Maybe she thinks that if you lose you couldn't accept that and would do anything to win again like investing your own money and this could become a problem eventually.

      I believe you should take a guess what is on her mind and ask a direct question because usually when you hit the right place women don't hide it anymore and then you will have a chance to prove yourself being right.
    • supeyrio
      supeyrio
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.11.2009 Posts: 3,106
      Originally posted by pablomeza
      Wow thank you guys for all the replies!

      @fun101rockets - The Pokemon TCG is what it is. It's a Trading Card Game, like Magic the Gathering or Yu-Gi-Oh, and it has an Organized Play (OP) programme. Through OP there are different tournaments at different levels of competition, starting from local tournaments at stores called 'Battle Roads' followed by City, States, Regional and National Championships, and finally they all culminate at the World Championships, a one time year event where the best players from all over the world compete for the trophy.

      Starting from Regional championships, 'scholarship' money is offered as a prize, meaning it's not actual cash. For you to recieve it you need to justify expenses on an educational institution, and these prizes go up to $7,500 for first place winner at Worlds. Over the course of 6 years I have been the top player in Mexico, and have gone to compete at every World Championship except one and won seveal scholarships along the way, totalling $7,000. I never managed to win Worlds but I am the mexican who has gotten the closest getting to 3rd place, and it was on a technicality so I was considered the best player back then. Right now due to all my workload as you mentioned I have no time to play it anymore, as I give Poker a priority over the time I need to practice and stuff, but I do hope to comeback to it in full force eventually.

      About the library idea, I have thought about it, but I don't have a car right now, and so carrying my laptop at night in public transport here in MX is not the greatest of ideas. Also I think if I'm trying to 'hide' the fact that I play it just gives her the more reason to be 'suspiscious' when she finds out or whatever. But thanks for the suggestion.

      @supeyrio - Females are definately emotional creatures. I'm thinking maybe try to act as joyful as possible when I'm around her and if she asks, always reply, 'it's thanks to poker' or something like that, so she can see how happy Poker makes me.

      @Joronamo - That's ok, and thanks for the positive comments! She definately cares about me, I just wish she could understand this better.

      @alejandrosh - lol that'd be sick! But I'm still a little far from that point. I'm still grinding through the limits and stuff.

      @mayoctt - That is a pretty good idea. I'm not quite there at that point yet, but I had thought in the future that a vacation for herself and me would be a good idea, all payed through Poker, specially cause she works so much and def could use a break, but I do want to ive her something special, and if I can do that with Poker money then maybe it'll help change her mindset a bit.

      @Joronamo and Chochikun - Yeah, that's something I will definately have in mind. Hopefully I can do it sooner rather than later but it definately seems like a great solution to at least alleviate some of the pressure.

      @TobyCS - lol didn't expect a serious comment from you ever.

      Thanks for the replies guys! If anyone has anymore feedback I'd love to hear it!
      TS, base on your reply, i can see that you are serious about rectifying this problem. i believe most of the advice here would be useful. but do note that being a winning poker player(e.g. paying for meals and holidays) may not change your mum's mindset of poker as a gambling, she may just conclude that you're a good gambler and since gambling pays then therefore she will not be in your way.
      to sum it up, if your ultimate objective is to "get mum off your back", then the misconception of you being a good gambler is fine. but if you would like your mum to be truly know and respect what her son is doing, then i believe alot more effort is required.
      good luck to your endeavour! update us!:f_biggrin:
    • Fiszy
      Fiszy
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.03.2010 Posts: 52
      Sorry, but unless you're under-16 (which you are not) I do not see why her opinion matters on this, or why you care.
    • Anssi
      Anssi
      Black
      Joined: 03.07.2008 Posts: 2,173
      Play on day and do homework on evening/night?
    • justkyle88
      justkyle88
      Bronze
      Joined: 07.05.2008 Posts: 7,613
      Originally posted by Fiszy
      Sorry, but unless you're under-16 (which you are not) I do not see why her opinion matters on this, or why you care.
      Well it's about respect and your mother accepting what your doing.

      How would you feel if your mum didn't accept you for whatever reason it may be?
      Sure your 18/21 (whatever he legal age is in your country), sure you can do whatever you want but you still want acceptance.
    • noclaninator
      noclaninator
      Bronze
      Joined: 01.12.2008 Posts: 312
      I think the following quote from the "killer poker" series says it best:

      "When people say you have a gambling problem, most likely it is not a gambling problem but a PEOPLE AROUND YOU problem."
    • Skyscrapers
      Skyscrapers
      Bronze
      Joined: 11.02.2010 Posts: 104
      We're all gambling junkies here, so it's not really the best place to seek advice. Speak with someone who doesn't have a gabling problem and ask him for opinion. If others think you have gambling problems too, then you probably do and your mother is right, if they don't then it will be much easier to convince your mom she has nothing to worry about. good luck
    • ihufa
      ihufa
      Bronze
      Joined: 18.03.2008 Posts: 3,323
      try hitting her
    • Renmerb
      Renmerb
      Gold
      Joined: 26.06.2009 Posts: 154
      Print this out for her to read;

      http://theppa.org/pdf/PokerPositiveAspects.pdf
    • pinnryder
      pinnryder
      Bronze
      Joined: 10.11.2009 Posts: 597
      Maybe she is concerned that you will become better than her in poker and she has a problem accepting that ;)
      Otherwise I liked the idea of making your homework when she comes home and play during the day but then she would probably be not happy cause you're doing your homework so late. So I guess whatever you will do it will definetly be wrong, sorry ;)
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