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Help me ruin a job interview

    • Berzerger
      Joined: 24.03.2008 Posts: 910
      I'll be getting myself into several job interviews over the course of the following month, but I have no desire to get hired whatsoever. I want to appear genuinely interested in the job, but I need one big something to completely destroy my chances, like using the f word every two sentences or falling off the chair every time I sneeze. It's supposed to be something I'm not aware of or don't pay attention to, something I find normal but the person hiring me finds bizarre at best. Suggestions?
  • 41 replies
    • NightFrostaSS
      Joined: 25.10.2008 Posts: 5,255
      Tell them you play poker for a living
    • swissmoumout
      Joined: 23.02.2007 Posts: 3,385
      one word: why?

      NightFrosta is spot on btw
    • MikeyH
      Joined: 08.10.2008 Posts: 181
      Make overly positive comments about the photo of the interviewer's wife/husband sitting on their desk.

    • ihufa
      Joined: 18.03.2008 Posts: 3,323
      don't shower or use deoderant before the interview

      eat an icecream before and make sure a lot of it is stuck on your face

      if you own a cat/dog/hamster then bring it in a plasticbag. if he asks say you always carry it around like that

      wear a pair of big gloves for no reason and refuse to take them off. insist on drawing stuff to explain them better, but fail in doing so as the big gloves makes it very hard to hold on to the pen

      steal stuff from the interviewers desk like staplers pencils etc. do it with very slow motions like you think he can't see your hands.
    • jhustincase
      Joined: 27.04.2010 Posts: 319
      i really expected a big info post about from ihufa!expert in ruining things! Good work!

      Act like u have some big nervous ticks,mouth,eyes what suits u best!and dress in slim red jeans or some bizare clothes!
    • EmanuelC16
      Joined: 02.01.2010 Posts: 13,909
      Chew gum while talking to him.... make it look like a bad habit of yours.
      Get a funky hairstyle.
      Mention a few things to make him think you are money oriented.
      And to top it off, like NightFrosta said, tell him you play poker for a living.
    • 13BlackCats
      Joined: 16.08.2008 Posts: 356
      avoid eye contact
    • strosdegoz
      Joined: 24.11.2007 Posts: 184
      Just give silly answers to his / her questions, make yourself look stupid.

      Are your parents arranging the interviews for you?
    • roswellx
      Joined: 05.12.2008 Posts: 599
      Originally posted by 13BlackCats
      avoid eye contact
    • bradomurder
      Joined: 17.10.2008 Posts: 1,331
      wear shoes that don't quite match, act proud and tell the guy you lost one of your shoes but you found one at the beach that almost matched it. Then say the company could use this kind of resourcefullness. (dunno if that's a proper word or if its how you spell it)
    • supeyrio
      Joined: 11.11.2009 Posts: 3,106
      if its a guy use your legs to stroke the interviewers legs under the table
      e.g. my name is Berzerger *strokes* my dream is to take over the world *strokes strokes*

      if its a girl, just keep winking at her
      e.g. my name is Berzerger *wink* my dream is to take over the world *wink wink*
    • Meatfly404
      Joined: 31.08.2008 Posts: 23
      Try to look and act like Spud ;)
    • Schris7
      Joined: 15.01.2007 Posts: 730
      ask a 6 digit salary , if they agree u would be stupid not to take the job :D
    • Berzerger
      Joined: 24.03.2008 Posts: 910
      Originally posted by swissmoumout
      one word: why?
      Legal issues. Also my psychiatrist says I'm mentally unable to properly function in a work environment. Also on a scale from 0 to 10 on the other person's wtf-meter I want to score a 62, just to see what it's like.

      I'm surprised no one suggested showing up naked yet. Not that I'm planning to do that...
    • roswellx
      Joined: 05.12.2008 Posts: 599
      Ask if the interviewer wants to play poker :) if yes then do anything possible to not lose :D ..
    • Hahaownedlolz
      Joined: 24.04.2009 Posts: 1,755
      1 Get a face tattoo (a fake one) preferably something like The Hakenkreuz (the swastiska as hitler used it or something else racist)

      2 Say inappropriate things. Like if there's a picture of her/his man/wife on the table say. "Your wife/husband is very beautiful, i'd do her/him." You could also take that to another level and say that about a picture of their kids.

      3 Wear something crazy.. Look at Bruno, Lady Gaga for inspiration and.. well.. I really hate to even name the greatest artist there ever was in the same sentence as those people.. But Michael Jackson wore rediculous stuff on stage lol.

      4 If it's a women, stare at their boobs. They like that. When she notices and tells you. Then make an inappropriate comment like "They look really nice and big. I'd like to stick my Head(or your other head) inbetween tem" LOL.. i can't believe i actualy wrote that :D And continue to stare at her boobs ofcourse.

      5 Compliment her/him on their looks. Do it alot and in a creepy way and voice. And the situation will become extremely awkward.

      6 Tell them you like to gamble at the casino. And do drugs and drink.

      7 Another thing that might work is just to keep changing the subject. That will probably annoy them. Like keep asking them questsions about if they have kids or are married. How they are doing. What car they drive. Till they get really annoyed. If they are married you might also want to throw in a comment like "Are you still getting some now that your married?" :D

      8 Try not to get arrested for your pedophile/sexist/racist comments.
    • erptech
      Joined: 15.03.2008 Posts: 659
      bring a fart machine. use it.
    • EagleStar88
      Joined: 06.10.2008 Posts: 7,359
      Turn up late.

      Or turn up a week early and confess that your terrible with dates or remembering things.

      When asked for your name, say Hi my name is xxx & I'm an alcoholic.

    • Wriggers
      Joined: 21.07.2009 Posts: 3,250
      Go in high.