BR - $3 (Yep!)
Medals - 95 (waiting on 15 bonus medals)
Sigh...
After three brutal days, each worse than the last, I am down to 3 bucks and totally tilted. My rakeback is coming Friday so I'll try this again. I should be getting $30-$40.
I lost my head and when I hit a skid of bad beats on the bubble I went up in limits, chucked BRM out the window and tried to recover losses.
Here is Sharkscope SNG graph...
I was watching myself do it but it wasn't that I couldn't stop, I didn't WANT to stop. Some people, like myself, I think need to make mistakes and feel the consequences many times before they learn. I hope I learn some self control before I'm 90!
At one point I got back to $120, but I began today's skid at $160 so I didn't feel right until I got back THERE. And then I lost it all.
Re-evaluation
I can sit here and self-examine till I'm blue in the face (I seem to do this all the time) but the bottom line is that I cannot push away when things are bad. If I don't learn how to do this I will NEVER be a winning player.
But here are some thoughts...
1) Shooting for 125 points a month to make Ironman gold was a mistake. I know that I am most successful when my sessions are short. When I play longer, on average, I lose more than I win. When I play short sessions, I win more than I lose. But because I lose when I play long, by the sheer fact that I am playing more I am consequently losing more. Going for 125 points a day had me playing more.
2) Anyone reading this may assume that I am a gambler by nature. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am a conservative, obsessive-compulsive planner who in day to day life would rather burn a five dollar bill for heat than use it on something where chance plays a big factor. I should not, therefore, play STTs, or Rush, because they are so volatile that my standard BRM rules won't help. Also, if I do indeed suck, then a 5% buy in rule is too high, maybe not for ring games but definitely for Rush and STTs. Playing such volatile games does not match my personality.
3) I lost most of my money on STTs. Its funny because when I was going good I MADE most of my money on STTs. I played $5, $10 and a couple of $20 STTs. I never really considered that at those stakes, there are people who are WAAAAAAAAYYYY better than me earning thousands. There's this one guy at $5 who has made thousands and he never dropped. His graph was a steady climb over tens of thousands of games. Mine is a zig zag, up and down, but sloping downwards most of the time. How can I compete? Clearly there is a large skill level difference.
4) I know what I should do. I was so happy for the last few months because this is the longest I've held a bankroll. I was happy to practice BRM. I guess the bad sessions, bad beats and tilt just got to me. This valley should have never put me below $150. I did it to myself because it hurt my pride to end a day, two days, three days without winning overall.
Moving forward
So here is the plan moving forward.
1) With the $3 I have left, I will play 1/2 until Friday until I get rakeback. Until Friday, I will earn 1 point a day and then quit. I need to earn at least a point a day in order to get the "one a day" bonus medals.
2) When I get my rakeback, I will play until I get 50 points a day and then quit for the day when I hit 50.
3) I will not play STTs until who knows.
4) I will not play 5/10 Rush until who knows.
5) I will play ring games (5% of BR), regular SNG (2-3% of BR), and 2/5 Rush.
6) Depending on my BR, I may need to cash in Medals and FTPs for entry into tourneys so I have a BR to actually make 50 points a day and get to silver this month.
How shameful.