Hey guys!
It has been a while since I blogged. The reason is basically...I didnt want to cry or it to look am cryin or so...
Basically...I was learning, grindin fifty50, thn again hittin 18mans and finally decided to go for a shot in makin 100k VPPs in about month playing fifty50/18m/9m 30-100s. Playin nicely 22+ tables, grindin, swinging, but was like BE, with RB it was nice. Almost every day I was strugglin if SNE is really wat I wnat next year - this grind, swings, stress, it was also affecting my mood, my wife noticed...not really great. But I knew we talkin super small samples, so up and down few k's is just normal. I got use to it, got in nice grind mode, liked volume, game was fine, few leaks, was tryin to plug em...
Every time I somewat went up, I got owned by variance...so I again studied, grab powers, climbed a bit...bammm...that repeated over and over, but wat u gonna do, get use to it with abi 70, playin bit more variancing straightforward poker...
OK but thn I became almost only losin, flips, 60/40, three outters, twooutters, thn carddistribution owned me like on every 3b shove i got cold 4b from sleepin BB and u know...all went wrong. So I dropped tables, concentrate...didnt work. Studied more...didnt work....I wasn titlti, my game wasnt affected, but when I was goin to sleep it was hard, stressfull. I always was emotional about it..not tiltin in game, not throwin stuff or yellin at my daughter, but was thinkin about it in my mind, is it worth it is it not, should i take it easy again and play my lovely 15s for profit not for rakeback?
One day it got too far and I stopped. Am not goin for this RB bitchin right now, am not ready...prolly coz of variance hit, but...too stressfull when losin...NOT ENTERTAININ...that s the important word...i need poker to be fun, joy, work, best choice I ever made...and it is, so i wanna keep it like that. Am not backin up at all, I ll just keep it smallball again for few, move up slowly, concentrate on my game, leaks, bought some cool materials, pluggin and pluggin...since that I love my game, love playin again...only the resulst are still sooo...funny...everytin goin wrong, just everytin...
So here I am havin the biggest downer ever, in buyins, in cash...startin a session and endin after 15 bricks, few AA lost, few wakeups, hitin top ranges...not coz am mad or so, I just said to me...u dont have to push it, enjoy christmass, bought some presents, u did work solidly lately...
OK, for these who likes ugly graphs, chipEV preflop allins and this shit, u can check this...but the card distribution u cant find out in EV or stuff, so...just imagine...

U can see 153-buyins swing am currently having, pretty sick I can say :/

There I filtered just allin preflops in terms of chipEV coz majority of games are fifty50/18mans so "redline" is useless...this is obv also not great, but gives u a hint...300k under...and it s 400k under EV last few days..
OKKKK...let s hope for better tommorows, one day I wont close it after 30 games and ll be plus
GL guys, dont get this downer ever!!!