The Rooster

Just got done reading this and wanted to add a few things. The calculations Sirrybob posted are fairly easy to do and I get the feeling some guys reading may not know how so I figured I will post it.

Anyway it's just simple as x/(x+y)
x=amount we are risking
y=amount in the pot

so 19/(19+13.5)
and we get the 58%.

As far as choosing your strategy for defending 3bets, if we look at some "bad" regs 3bet/5bet ranges say co vs ep for example you will see that it's something like QQ+ which is like 2.6% but yet they have like an 8% 3bet. So wtf is their other part of the range consist of, basically it depends reg to reg but typically it will be Axs, scs, suited gappers etc. And their plan is to play aggro postflop and barrel scare cards (K,A) cus they saw some cool guy like pleno1 do it in their video.

So obv we have to defend more vs their 3bets, we can obv play 4bet or fold which will be very easy to implement but I don't think that's the best adjustment.

I think plenos first bootcamp session is quite good that talks about range protection. Definitely worth a watch, although I disagree with a few points in it and have yet to discuss it with him. If we are utg vs mp 3bet, he recommends to defend one combos of AA and 3 combos of KK I believe. To me it makes more sense to have 3 combos of AA and one combo of KK instead since guys will be 3betting Axs often in this spot and obv some suited crap but that doesn't really make a huge difference just think it makes more sense to slow play more combos of AA than KK. Anyway without blabbing on too much, I think vs such opponent it also makes sense to defend AQs instead of 4bet/folding since their range is quite bluff heavy.
So now let's take a hand for example,
say we have AQhh, flop comes 9h2s6d for example, now let's assume that our read is that they play too aggro post and like to barrel, so we can x/c here with s/d value and try to turn more equity and we know they will barrel "A" turns. Now why does this work out? If we protect our range, then if turn is A we can x/c with AQ, if turn is J for example, we will have JJ, QQ, and some KK-AA combos to protect our range so we can x/f AQ without stressing it too much. So AQ, AK, AA, protects our range on A turn,(this is why to me it makes more sense to slow play more AA combos) and the pps protect AQ/AA from getting destroyed on low boards.

Also the part about, working out, having a schedule etc etc. As someone who is same age as you and who has gone through roughly same stuff, ie having no sleep schedule, no daily routine, also often going through the grind 10hrs straight go to sleep at 5am, wake up at 2pm kind of stuff; although I do love working out quite a bit. I wanted to give you some advice on this topic that I think I have got better at lately.

First of all definitely exercise. It just has so many benefits and like so few cons. You just feel better, look better, get more girls, etc etc. The only problem is it takes up some time and cost some $ and you will be hungry more often.

The next thing is, having a daily routine. I don't think for people our age, with no kids, no job, no problem, is super important to have a routine. You don't have to be up at x time every day so it doesn't make sense for me to say always go to sleep at 11 and wake up at 7 am for example. Or being like I will grind at 10pm, 2pm, 6pm. I think it's best to have general guidelines and tasks/goals for the day that you want to do and then play whenever you want.

So for example, I like to work out and I used to work out with a friend of mine who could only work out at like 8-9pm cus of work, and I wanted to work out with him so obviously I had to base my schedule around my gym time since I knew that would be the same every day and I knew that I would be very tired after and wouldn't have much energy to grind so I could do stuff like watch a video/movies/etc at that time.

Since your schedule is so free, you don't have to do x, y, z at certain time of the day. It just makes more sense to me to have more guidelines like I said. This is what I would do if I were:
Wake up: around 9-11am
Sleep: 12pm-2am

Workout at 5pm lets say.
So now just make some goals for the day:
-wash dishes
-go over 5 marked hands
-make a post in blog
-watch 1 video
-play 3 sessions (1-2hrs)

Then imo you just do them throughout the day and check them off as you do. At first, it looks like there is so much to do when you write down stuff you want to do but as you do it, you are like umm this didn't take very long at all and was very easy so doesn't feel like a huge task.

Thanks Erik.

I'll take that as the first step then. I'll follow some advices Schnitzelfisch gave about nutrition is his post, and start going to the gym next monday. There's one really near and my roommate exercises there. I told him to charge me this promise next monday, so that I won't skip it =P

Good job!

And just keep us posted if there is anything that comes up and well get on it asap.

Keep working hard!

Hey there!

I'm glad that you decided to change your life :).

So, what did you decide you will change?

What are the bad habits that you will get rid of? Which are the new ones that you will implement instead?

What are the concrete action steps that you are planning on taking towards changing your life?

-Primož

Originally posted by serverm07
Just got done reading this and wanted to add a few things. The calculations Sirrybob posted are fairly easy to do and I get the feeling some guys reading may not know how so I figured I will post it.

Anyway it's just simple as x/(x+y)
x=amount we are risking
y=amount in the pot

so 19/(19+13.5)
and we get the 58%.

As far as choosing your strategy for defending 3bets, if we look at some "bad" regs 3bet/5bet ranges say co vs ep for example you will see that it's something like QQ+ which is like 2.6% but yet they have like an 8% 3bet. So wtf is their other part of the range consist of, basically it depends reg to reg but typically it will be Axs, scs, suited gappers etc. And their plan is to play aggro postflop and barrel scare cards (K,A) cus they saw some cool guy like pleno1 do it in their video.

So obv we have to defend more vs their 3bets, we can obv play 4bet or fold which will be very easy to implement but I don't think that's the best adjustment.

I think plenos first bootcamp session is quite good that talks about range protection. Definitely worth a watch, although I disagree with a few points in it and have yet to discuss it with him. If we are utg vs mp 3bet, he recommends to defend one combos of AA and 3 combos of KK I believe. To me it makes more sense to have 3 combos of AA and one combo of KK instead since guys will be 3betting Axs often in this spot and obv some suited crap but that doesn't really make a huge difference just think it makes more sense to slow play more combos of AA than KK. Anyway without blabbing on too much, I think vs such opponent it also makes sense to defend AQs instead of 4bet/folding since their range is quite bluff heavy.
So now let's take a hand for example,
say we have AQhh, flop comes 9h2s6d for example, now let's assume that our read is that they play too aggro post and like to barrel, so we can x/c here with s/d value and try to turn more equity and we know they will barrel "A" turns. Now why does this work out? If we protect our range, then if turn is A we can x/c with AQ, if turn is J for example, we will have JJ, QQ, and some KK-AA combos to protect our range so we can x/f AQ without stressing it too much. So AQ, AK, AA, protects our range on A turn,(this is why to me it makes more sense to slow play more AA combos) and the pps protect AQ/AA from getting destroyed on low boards.

Also the part about, working out, having a schedule etc etc. As someone who is same age as you and who has gone through roughly same stuff, ie having no sleep schedule, no daily routine, also often going through the grind 10hrs straight go to sleep at 5am, wake up at 2pm kind of stuff; although I do love working out quite a bit. I wanted to give you some advice on this topic that I think I have got better at lately.

First of all definitely exercise. It just has so many benefits and like so few cons. You just feel better, look better, get more girls, etc etc. The only problem is it takes up some time and cost some $ and you will be hungry more often.

The next thing is, having a daily routine. I don't think for people our age, with no kids, no job, no problem, is super important to have a routine. You don't have to be up at x time every day so it doesn't make sense for me to say always go to sleep at 11 and wake up at 7 am for example. Or being like I will grind at 10pm, 2pm, 6pm. I think it's best to have general guidelines and tasks/goals for the day that you want to do and then play whenever you want.

So for example, I like to work out and I used to work out with a friend of mine who could only work out at like 8-9pm cus of work, and I wanted to work out with him so obviously I had to base my schedule around my gym time since I knew that would be the same every day and I knew that I would be very tired after and wouldn't have much energy to grind so I could do stuff like watch a video/movies/etc at that time.

Since your schedule is so free, you don't have to do x, y, z at certain time of the day. It just makes more sense to me to have more guidelines like I said. This is what I would do if I were:
Wake up: around 9-11am
Sleep: 12pm-2am

Workout at 5pm lets say.
So now just make some goals for the day:
-wash dishes
-go over 5 marked hands
-make a post in blog
-watch 1 video
-play 3 sessions (1-2hrs)

Then imo you just do them throughout the day and check them off as you do. At first, it looks like there is so much to do when you write down stuff you want to do but as you do it, you are like umm this didn't take very long at all and was very easy so doesn't feel like a huge task.

Thanks serverm.

Great analysis about protecting the utg, that's a very well balanced range.

About the routine stuff... I probably don't have to be so rigid about it really. Maybe I'm too worried about my productivity. I'm getting mad for not grinding these days (bankroll stuck in MB and 1,5k bonus stuck in PP), so I'm having a lot of free time and feeling useless these days, lol.

Originally posted by ErikStenqvist

Thanks Erik.

I'll take that as the first step then. I'll follow some advices Schnitzelfisch gave about nutrition is his post, and start going to the gym next monday. There's one really near and my roommate exercises there. I told him to charge me this promise next monday, so that I won't skip it =P

Good job!

And just keep us posted if there is anything that comes up and well get on it asap.

Keep working hard!

Made my matriculation in the gym yesterday. Now let's hold this day by day...lol. Not gonna be easy for the first weeks.

Something you can do for the first weeks is to make sure you post here saying whether you went to the gym or not everyday. This way when you don't feel like going you'll feel bad about having to say you didn't go and what people will think ♦

It gets easier quickly and then you start feeling so much better doing exercise than not doing it that you'll just go on your own

Originally posted by Schnitzelfisch
Hey there!

I'm glad that you decided to change your life :).

So, what did you decide you will change?

What are the bad habits that you will get rid of? Which are the new ones that you will implement instead?

What are the concrete action steps that you are planning on taking towards changing your life?

-Primož

I want to get rid of my misanthropy, establish solid goals for grinding and stop being so sedentary. Btw, sometimes I feel bad for spending so much time in front of the computer, so I wan't to find new sources of fun (which I don't have atm).

About the insatisfaction with the misanthropy: I don't have much pleasure with social relationships, like I see most people does, and I don't really feel a need for it. However, I feel I'm missing a lot being like this...people really seem to enjoy their social lifes, I wanna find joy too. I feel kinda lazy in this aspect..looks like I have a really low level of energy.

This associates with another bad aspect of mine, that I wan't to get rid of. I'm very negative, with negative thoughts. I really wan't to create the habit of positive thinking, I feel I would be another person if I accomplish so. I think this negative mindset may be the source of some psychological discomforts I have.

Ok. I'll start going to the gym next monday. I think this will substantially raise my energy levels. I'm yet to read your nutrition post, but I'll definetely do something about it too (my alimentation is very poor actually).

Besides these points, the rest of my insatisfaction comes from this moment I'm passing through. I had a great month of february poker-wise, and now having a huge downswing, right after spending like 1/3 of my bank with some investiments. This downswing is lasting so long that I'm almost coming to the conclusion that I don't know how to play poker, really. It's absurd. As if not enough, I was not able to deposit in 24h poker nor Ladbrokes, and my bank got stuck in moneybookers because of the outgoing limit. The rest of my bank, if I can say so, is stuck as a party poker bonus, which I have to make 900 more points to release (needs 20k and I have 19,1k).

So yea, it's like I have to start all over again and this is going to be a tough month, but I'm sure I'll feel better after overcoming it.

Originally posted by LgWz
Something you can do for the first weeks is to make sure you post here saying whether you went to the gym or not everyday. This way when you don't feel like going you'll feel bad about having to say you didn't go and what people will think ♦

It gets easier quickly and then you start feeling so much better doing exercise than not doing it that you'll just go on your own

I'll definetely do it =P. Also told my roommate to charge me everyday.

I know these compromises are important for the beggining and that I'll start going (and enjoying it) by myself soon.

Just a thought.

The source of my misanthropy may be my low self-steem (it's incredible low, for no reason). Any advices on how to work on it?

Now, good news:

Solved an issue with ladbrokes and I'll finally be able to play there..in 3 or 4 days I'm back to grind (just need to release my money from moneybookers now).

Originally posted by Padiz0

Originally posted by Schnitzelfisch
Hey there!

I'm glad that you decided to change your life :).

So, what did you decide you will change?

What are the bad habits that you will get rid of? Which are the new ones that you will implement instead?

What are the concrete action steps that you are planning on taking towards changing your life?

-Primož

I want to get rid of my misanthropy, establish solid goals for grinding and stop being so sedentary. Btw, sometimes I feel bad for spending so much time in front of the computer, so I wan't to find new sources of fun (which I don't have atm).

About the insatisfaction with the misanthropy: I don't have much pleasure with social relationships, like I see most people does, and I don't really feel a need for it. However, I feel I'm missing a lot being like this...people really seem to enjoy their social lifes, I wanna find joy too. I feel kinda lazy in this aspect..looks like I have a really low level of energy.

This associates with another bad aspect of mine, that I wan't to get rid of. I'm very negative, with negative thoughts. I really wan't to create the habit of positive thinking, I feel I would be another person if I accomplish so. I think this negative mindset may be the source of some psychological discomforts I have.

Ok. I'll start going to the gym next monday. I think this will substantially raise my energy levels. I'm yet to read your nutrition post, but I'll definetely do something about it too (my alimentation is very poor actually).

Besides these points, the rest of my insatisfaction comes from this moment I'm passing through. I had a great month of february poker-wise, and now having a huge downswing, right after spending like 1/3 of my bank with some investiments. This downswing is lasting so long that I'm almost coming to the conclusion that I don't know how to play poker, really. It's absurd. As if not enough, I was not able to deposit in 24h poker nor Ladbrokes, and my bank got stuck in moneybookers because of the outgoing limit. The rest of my bank, if I can say so, is stuck as a party poker bonus, which I have to make 900 more points to release (needs 20k and I have 19,1k).

So yea, it's like I have to start all over again and this is going to be a tough month, but I'm sure I'll feel better overcoming it.

Hey again,

I've notified Erik about your thread, I'm pretty sure that he can give you some advice on getting rid of misanthropy :). And he can help you with your mental issues as well.

I can see that you tend to be negative/don't enjoy social life. Would this be different if you would hang out with really interesting people?

I really like that you know what you want to change, now let's see how you can do it :).

You've mentioned that you would like to take up some new activities which would make you spend less time in front of the PC.

Why not brainstorm them then? You can try brainstorming at least 30 (yes, 30!) activities which you could do. Just write down anything that comes to your mind and doesn't involve spending time in front of a screen. You can write that down in your blog. There's no bad ideas. Just write down everything, you'll pick the best ones later on ;).

You can think about the things that you enjoy, the ones you have enjoyed in the past, maybe there're also some activities that you always wanted to take up but never got around to doing them...

Once you have done that, you can simply select a couple of them which you feel might work best for you, and test them out ;).

-Primož

Ty Schnitz

I can see that you tend to be negative/don't enjoy social life. Would this be different if you would hang out with really interesting people?

I think not. I think the problem is not outside, it's more likely that I have to change myself first. I'm really feeling an evolution already! I've been thinking a lot about this inner change, and I think that's truly the source of my insatisfactions. Now that I see the source, I'm having a way better perspective because I know what to work on

You've mentioned that you would like to take up some new activities which would make you spend less time in front of the PC.

Why not brainstorm them then? You can try brainstorming at least 30 (yes, 30!) activities which you could do. Just write down anything that comes to your mind and doesn't involve spending time in front of a screen. You can write that down in your blog. There's no bad ideas. Just write down everything, you'll pick the best ones later on ;).

Good idea, I already have some things in mind. I'll start by playing soccer again. I went to the gym yesterday to make a physical evaluation, and the instructor there said they play soccer twice a week, and called me to join. Not only an exercise, but also a thing I always loved to do.

I've made few changes/attitudes towards the change and I'm already feeling with more energy. The simply fact of finally entering the gym and thinking more positive made me feel better. I have to keep this vibe until it becomes a habit to feel like this, always.

Hey again,

that's super awesome! The realization that you can only change yourself is really important yeah :).

Please continue with this blog, I think it can be a real inspiration to other people who can learn a lot from you ;)!

-Primož

Originally posted by Padiz0
I want to get rid of my misanthropy, establish solid goals for grinding and stop being so sedentary. Btw, sometimes I feel bad for spending so much time in front of the computer, so I wan't to find new sources of fun (which I don't have atm).

About the insatisfaction with the misanthropy: I don't have much pleasure with social relationships, like I see most people does, and I don't really feel a need for it. However, I feel I'm missing a lot being like this...people really seem to enjoy their social lifes, I wanna find joy too. I feel kinda lazy in this aspect..looks like I have a really low level of energy.

This associates with another bad aspect of mine, that I wan't to get rid of. I'm very negative, with negative thoughts. I really wan't to create the habit of positive thinking, I feel I would be another person if I accomplish so. I think this negative mindset may be the source of some psychological discomforts I have.

Hey Padiz0!

Sorry about the delayed reply, been swamped lately

Also sorry to hear that you are struggling with all this negativity, i know first hand how thought and emotions like these really can color your world gray and black. And a downswing sure doesn't help!

When it comes to these kinds of issues just starting to talk about and sharing it with others is a huge step in the right direction. That you do it in an open forum like this is something you should give yourself a lot of props for!

If you don't mind if you could tell me a bit more about yourself, when these negative thoughts and emotions started to show up or became evident for you. This might require you to share things here that you would no like to have in an open forum. If that is the case you are more than welcome to send me a PM and we can have that talk there.

Anything you tell me you have my word that I will keep it close and respect your privacy.

Keep up the good work! You are on the right track!

Originally posted by ErikStenqvist
Hey Padiz0!

Sorry about the delayed reply, been swamped lately

Also sorry to hear that you are struggling with all this negativity, i know first hand how thought and emotions like these really can color your world gray and black. And a downswing sure doesn't help!

When it comes to these kinds of issues just starting to talk about and sharing it with others is a huge step in the right direction. That you do it in an open forum like this is something you should give yourself a lot of props for!

If you don't mind if you could tell me a bit more about yourself, when these negative thoughts and emotions started to show up or became evident for you. This might require you to share things here that you would no like to have in an open forum. If that is the case you are more than welcome to send me a PM and we can have that talk there.

Anything you tell me you have my word that I will keep it close and respect your privacy.

Keep up the good work! You are on the right track!

I think it's good to post here as an example that someone may see as useful, because many people struggle with this too, even if in lower levels. Also, even if I had any feeling of discomfort talking about this (which I don't have), I would say it here anyway to push me out of the comfort zone.. I can't be shy if I'm fighting exactly against shyness

Well, it never happened to me to face a somehow traumatic event emotional-wise or so, I'm just very shy and began feeling uncomfortable with it.

As far as I remember, I wasn't shy until 9-10 years old. If I was, I was way less. I passed all my childhood playing with my friends, riding bike almost all days, playing soccer almost every day, playing kite, etc. I would barely stay at home, for so fulfilled it was my social life. Then I got my first computer, and kinda redirected all my sources of fun into it, playing games all day long (mmo's generally). From age 12 to 18 then, I had a very limited social life. I would refuse any sort of invitation for it, like birthdays, etc. First, because I didn't care, really, I would prefer stay at home playing. But later, because I had lost the tact for it, lost confidence for social interactions.

Some things I noticed thinking/reading about it:

The shyness, as I can perceive, is caused by a lack of self-confidence, and the self-confidence is caused by these incapacitating (negative) thoughts.
One thing leads to another, and the negative way of thinking seems to be the source.

These thoughts/state of negativity makes me lose the focus on the interaction itself...they flood and blanks my mind, making me feel kinda lost when talking to someone, for example.

These thoughts doesn't show up clearly in my mind...it's not a thought that can be translated as a phrase or something...it's more like a "vibe". When talking to someone, for example, and I feel the shyness, there isn't a specific thought that leads me to act shy, it's like a state, a general (negative) way of perceiving the situation.

Probably, the negative state is caused by the mix of negative thoughts I have about myself.

I didn't realize I was thinking negatively about myself until I realized that the source of it was exactly the lack of self-confidence. Before, I wouldn't connect shyness to low self-confidence, and I thought I was ok in this aspect.

It has been like this for so long, that I probably took it as normal to be like this. Like a habit of thinking negatively..so intrinsic to my personality that I wasn't even noticing it anymore, thus not feeling uncomfortable with it until I tried to change it. The struggle for changing is the hard part, because I could just comfortably close myself and keep being who I am/was without facing the discomfort of changing. I started to struggle with it when I started dating a girl some months ago, and noticed my anti-social/introverted behaviour was harmful to our relationship...so it was the first reason I had to change. Now I just wanna do it for myself, because I noticed I would live better then.

I could write much more about it..lol, but that's pretty much it. Wanna hear more opinions. Ty

hey pleno, if you're around, can you give me some help with my red line?

how do I know what's causing it to be so terrible?

Originally posted by Padiz0
1.I would say it here anyway to push me out of the comfort zone.. I can't be shy if I'm fighting exactly against shyness

2.The shyness, as I can perceive, is caused by a lack of self-confidence, and the self-confidence is caused by these incapacitating (negative) thoughts.

3.These thoughts/state of negativity makes me lose the focus on the interaction itself...they flood and blanks my mind, making me feel kinda lost when talking to someone, for example.

4.it's more like a "vibe". When talking to someone, for example, and I feel the shyness, there isn't a specific thought that leads me to act shy, it's like a state, a general (negative) way of perceiving the situation.

5.Probably, the negative state is caused by the mix of negative thoughts I have about myself.

6.I didn't realize I was thinking negatively about myself until I realized that the source of it was exactly the lack of self-confidence. Before, I wouldn't connect shyness to low self-confidence, and I thought I was ok in this aspect.

7.It has been like this for so long, that I probably took it as normal to be like this. Like a habit of thinking negatively..so intrinsic to my personality that I wasn't even noticing it anymore, thus not feeling uncomfortable with it until I tried to change it. The struggle for changing is the hard part, because I could just comfortably close myself and keep being who I am/was without facing the discomfort of changing.

8.I started to struggle with it when I started dating a girl some months ago, and noticed my anti-social/introverted behaviour was harmful to our relationship...so it was the first reason I had to change. Now I just wanna do it for myself, because I noticed I would live better then.

I could write much more about it..lol, but that's pretty much it. Wanna hear more opinions. Ty

Hey!

Thanks for the long reply! I can relate to every single thing you say from my own former personal life. Keep you head up! There are a lot of things we can do to remove these negative thought patterns and emotions.

1. This is one of the keys. To be fed up enough of to be able to actively face this negativity. That you've reached that point already means that you've already started you journey about removing them. We want to make sure that you have active tools to assist you in this struggle. As soon as you get to try them and feel that they are working you will start to feel back in control and even more motivated. But I just want to give you a heads up that it will come and go in waves almost like variance. you will run good, and you will run bad. but keep the focus on the work and the things you can actively do. The work you are able to do when things get tough is the most healing.

2. Yes you are correct here. There are two main things to think about here. We need to start slowing you mind down, so that it does not to the same extent uncontrollably take every single old negative thought pattern and runs with it. That they don't color our life gray and black so to say. The other is what you are doing right now, sharing. This helps you to get comfortable with talking and looking into negative emotions. You also get to express those emotions, this will be a big part of the healing process. Use these negative emotions of shyness etc as a compass to were you need to focus your awareness and look into.

3. Try to look at what situation when this usually happens. Try to anticipate them so that you prepare yourself, try to relax before and come in with the intention of not shutting these emotions and thought down. Just try to observe them, give them space and give them the time emotions need so that they eventually go away. Look at it like you are not emotionally used to being in certain situations, you need more sample size and practice. Try to just be a ware and perceive your emotions, don't label, judge or run away from them as best you can. Its like starting to work out in the gym, you will get stronger.

4. When it comes up, don't fight it relax and try to gently "smile" back emotionally and see it for what it is. Old residue of negativity coming from a habit of staying introvert.

5. This is certainly true Fake it till you make it! Pretend to be confident as much as you can. I wish I had realized the power of this earlier! It rubs off, on your self!

6. When you notice yourself lost in thought like this notice how your mind is either in the past or in the future. Try to gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Mindfulness is a great tool for practicing this Check this link out if you haven't already: Mindfulness

7. Yes you could easily shut down again. And it most likely will happen from time to time. But this is normal, the important part is that you are actively doing you best to change this. It's almost like forgetting and then remembering again. Cherish and enjoy the moment when you have your awareness on the positive, and don't be hard on yourself when you slip up!

8. This was certainly true for me. I could have an ok relationship for a few month until the initial intense attraction was still there. But when things started to slow down and it was time to really get to know each other on a deeper level. I just intsa-quit that relationship and felt horrible for dumping her. And for my girlfriends it always came straight out of the blue. The more you can share about this with people close to you the easier it will be. Both for them and you You can do it both for other people and yourself. Just stay true to the things you want to change!

These are just random thoughts about your text. If you have specific situations or issues that come up I'd be happy to help if I can. Keep the eye on the prize! Life is awesome with out all the negative bs!

♠_love:

Originally posted by ErikStenqvist

Originally posted by Padiz0
1.I would say it here anyway to push me out of the comfort zone.. I can't be shy if I'm fighting exactly against shyness

2.The shyness, as I can perceive, is caused by a lack of self-confidence, and the self-confidence is caused by these incapacitating (negative) thoughts.

3.These thoughts/state of negativity makes me lose the focus on the interaction itself...they flood and blanks my mind, making me feel kinda lost when talking to someone, for example.

4.it's more like a "vibe". When talking to someone, for example, and I feel the shyness, there isn't a specific thought that leads me to act shy, it's like a state, a general (negative) way of perceiving the situation.

5.Probably, the negative state is caused by the mix of negative thoughts I have about myself.

6.I didn't realize I was thinking negatively about myself until I realized that the source of it was exactly the lack of self-confidence. Before, I wouldn't connect shyness to low self-confidence, and I thought I was ok in this aspect.

7.It has been like this for so long, that I probably took it as normal to be like this. Like a habit of thinking negatively..so intrinsic to my personality that I wasn't even noticing it anymore, thus not feeling uncomfortable with it until I tried to change it. The struggle for changing is the hard part, because I could just comfortably close myself and keep being who I am/was without facing the discomfort of changing.

8.I started to struggle with it when I started dating a girl some months ago, and noticed my anti-social/introverted behaviour was harmful to our relationship...so it was the first reason I had to change. Now I just wanna do it for myself, because I noticed I would live better then.

I could write much more about it..lol, but that's pretty much it. Wanna hear more opinions. Ty

Hey!

Thanks for the long reply! I can relate to every single thing you say from my own former personal life. Keep you head up! There are a lot of things we can do to remove these negative thought patterns and emotions.

1. This is one of the keys. To be fed up enough of to be able to actively face this negativity. That you've reached that point already means that you've already started you journey about removing them. We want to make sure that you have active tools to assist you in this struggle. As soon as you get to try them and feel that they are working you will start to feel back in control and even more motivated. But I just want to give you a heads up that it will come and go in waves almost like variance. you will run good, and you will run bad. but keep the focus on the work and the things you can actively do. The work you are able to do when things get tough is the most healing.

2. Yes you are correct here. There are two main things to think about here. We need to start slowing you mind down, so that it does not to the same extent uncontrollably take every single old negative thought pattern and runs with it. That they don't color our life gray and black so to say. The other is what you are doing right now, sharing. This helps you to get comfortable with talking and looking into negative emotions. You also get to express those emotions, this will be a big part of the healing process. Use these negative emotions of shyness etc as a compass to were you need to focus your awareness and look into.

3. Try to look at what situation when this usually happens. Try to anticipate them so that you prepare yourself, try to relax before and come in with the intention of not shutting these emotions and thought down. Just try to observe them, give them space and give them the time emotions need so that they eventually go away. Look at it like you are not emotionally used to being in certain situations, you need more sample size and practice. Try to just be a ware and perceive your emotions, don't label, judge or run away from them as best you can. Its like starting to work out in the gym, you will get stronger.

4. When it comes up, don't fight it relax and try to gently "smile" back emotionally and see it for what it is. Old residue of negativity coming from a habit of staying introvert.

5. This is certainly true Fake it till you make it! Pretend to be confident as much as you can. I wish I had realized the power of this earlier! It rubs off, on your self!

6. When you notice yourself lost in thought like this notice how your mind is either in the past or in the future. Try to gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Mindfulness is a great tool for practicing this Check this link out if you haven't already: Mindfulness

7. Yes you could easily shut down again. And it most likely will happen from time to time. But this is normal, the important part is that you are actively doing you best to change this. It's almost like forgetting and then remembering again. Cherish and enjoy the moment when you have your awareness on the positive, and don't be hard on yourself when you slip up!

8. This was certainly true for me. I could have an ok relationship for a few month until the initial intense attraction was still there. But when things started to slow down and it was time to really get to know each other on a deeper level. I just intsa-quit that relationship and felt horrible for dumping her. And for my girlfriends it always came straight out of the blue. The more you can share about this with people close to you the easier it will be. Both for them and you You can do it both for other people and yourself. Just stay true to the things you want to change!

These are just random thoughts about your text. If you have specific situations or issues that come up I'd be happy to help if I can. Keep the eye on the prize! Life is awesome with out all the negative bs!

♠_love:

Originally posted by ErikStenqvist
7. Yes you could easily shut down again. And it most likely will happen from time to time. But this is normal, the important part is that you are actively doing you best to change this. It's almost like forgetting and then remembering again. Cherish and enjoy the moment when you have your awareness on the positive, and don't be hard on yourself when you slip up!

That's true..lol. I've been experiencing these ups and downs...sometimes I act the way I want (I am who I want to be), and sometimes I have a damn difficulty to put it out. Like I forget how it is and the old self takes control.

It feels really good when I am the new self though =P

Originally posted by Padiz0
It feels really good when I am the new self though =P

It's awesome isn't it?!

Be specific on things you can do to remind yourself every day. Any ideas on how to do that?

Originally posted by ErikStenqvist

Originally posted by Padiz0
It feels really good when I am the new self though =P

It's awesome isn't it?!

Be specific on things you can do to remind yourself every day. Any ideas on how to do that?

It is. What do you suggest me as a reminder? I don't have any atm...I just kinda mentally remind myself constantly. Btw, I'm feeling way better these days, not really worrying so much about it nor thinking all the time like I was..I know it's like an upswing, I still have some "negative thoughts" sessions, but I'm doing way better lately.