Gevgelija 30 Day Challenge
Days 2&3 (18th and 19th of January)
Worked out 2 times
Worked on my game 2 hours
Coached 1 session
Had a coaching session for CG
Grinded online CG 10 hours
Grinded live CG 9.5 hours
Ate healthy both days and drank tons of water
Weighted on the scale today, down 2.5kgs already!!!
Some really important things to say that are on my mind.
Since January started my mindset has been all over the place. It has to do primarily with not having financial stability that I want/need/feel that I deserve. This results into a lot of swings in my mindset at the tables. I am working on the game, putting the volume but it doesn't really matter as I make mistakes that I would never make with regular mindset. The cause of the problem is as I said financial situation in my family. I am under huge pressure on daily basis and this has been going on for 6+ months. I think I have finally reached a point of burn out with all the stress that has been hanging over my head. It is 100% affecting my decision making, making me play either money scared in some spots or to call down light opponents expecting/leveling myself that they are on a higher thinking level then they actually are.
Overall I am not happy (but rather mad) at all with my level of play for the past week. I am seriously considering taking a day off and not only a day but more than that. Of course in reality money has to be made cause the situation dictates that and no banks or companies that provide bills care if you make money or not, they will charge you extra if you are late anyways...
Some possible solutions for current problem I am trying to deal with:
- Take 1 day per week off every single week until mindset is more settled
- Bring down expectations for CG
- Bring down expectations for my brother to make a living from SNGs in ultra near future
- Consider and re-evaluate returning to SNGs to mass multi table print money for 2-3-4 months until money situation will be hopefully resolved (brother making a living by then)
- Consider moving far far far away to some distant beach (Asia), resetting the mindset and getting away from the whole stress
- Consider coaching way less and studying more to improve at faster pace, become more self centered and selfish and give huge value to myself 1st and only then provide it to other students
What I would really like my life situation to look like now or in super near future:
- Brother finally making a living with SNGs (number 1 priority in my life for long time now)
- Students studying and grinding 5x more, doing the work outside of sessions on their own, accepting the variance in poker and becoming their own bosses therefore not needing me in the future
- Having way more time for working on my game, improving so that I can reach the hourly that would secure my life's future in 3-4 years
- Have way more relaxing/regenerating time then having it currently
Will not talk about results a lot but will just say that past week was really bad for me. I don't remember last time I had such a string of days where I played bad and made bad decisions.
Good news is, I know what my leak(s) are and I am working on them daily to correct them.
Bad news is, my mindset is not safe right now and whenever financial situation comes to my mind I am immediately getting that uncomfortable feeling, getting upset inside, angry, loosing it, starting to be more critical of both myself and my brother.
Solution would be to stop thinking about it. Sounds simple but its not cause every month I have to find the money for us and nothing changes for 6+ months. I think that my patience and faith has run out and perhaps at this point I feel that situation will never change or that it will stay like this for a very long time.
The internal conflict that I have with myself is how long can I keep going like this? The answer is, for not too long. It has already affected my mindset greatly on the tables for past week and it is like a huge dark cloud in my mind that is taking me over.
I will write a blog update once I figure out action plan and decision I made on dealing with this ASAP. Otherwise I will keep spewing online and playing some sort of C- game which doesn't lead anywhere.
Regardless of the solution, I have to keep playing and making steady money no matter what or else we will end up on the street.
I feel the final solution to fixing the problem will be my brother making a living from sngs eventually. Until then I have tons more mind pressure, tilts, getting unnecessary stress when our financial situation goes through my head.
It sounds like I am not happy now. I am unhappy at myself for letting all this affect my mindset at the tables and stopping me from making most +EV spots and crushing + improving. This is what I am unhappy most about.
Enough about my mental game problem. I wrote all this down (took me over 40 minutes) to let you all know that I am not perfect human being. I have feelings like everybody else and certain things that tilt me in my life. I try not to let it affect me but it has reached the point that it is become a problem for me.
If you think about it, it is really funny at some level. I don't get tilted by other opponents but rather by my brother. Jared Tendler should probably write MGP3 on that unique tilting experience!
Things accomplished so far in the challenge:
Working out 4/30
Studied 4/30 hours
Coaching 3/30 sessions
Online CG grind 20/150 hours
Live CG grind 19.5/130 hours
Ate 3 healthy meals + 2l minimum of water 4/30 days
Robin Sharma's book "The Leader Who Had No Tittle" 0/90 pages
Drop 5kgs (2.5kg down already after 4 days here in Gevgelija)
2015 Challenge
Things completed so far in the challenge:
9/300 Study hours
16/300 Coaching sessions
60.5/1500 Grinding hours
15/150 Work outs
37 hours Live Poker
Here is the plan for tomorrow (today already)
Wake up 9am,have healthy breakfast
Coach 10-11
Work on the game (marked hands) 11-12
Work out and relax 12-1
Grind 1st session 1-3pm
Lunch brake 3-3:30pm
Grind 2nd session 3:45-5:45pm
Grind 3rd session 6-7pm
*Transfer all the marked hands to the cell phone to keep studying while grinding live (when out of hand)*
Grind live 7-12 or so
This time management might change tomorrow as I am hitting the bed now and will not force myself to grind anything tomorrow if my energy will be super down but will rather take day off from grinding and invest it in working out regenerating and studying/reviewing my game
) - looking to hear some stories from hotel, long 12-hour days, and live sessions.
