Low point w/ poker, big downswing past 2 weeks. Every sessh was a losing one. Feel very bad when I think about it.
Other than that, life's pretty sweet, enjoying time with friends, family.
Happy Easter to those celebrating it this weekend!
Weekly BR Challenge Report
Played Hands: 5.035
Results: $-2.926
Current BR: $12.030
46 weeks
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Going back to Malta tomorrow.
> These ppl that don't do stuff with their time, lives: They can still be fun, so can hang out from time to time; no need to keep them close by as influencers. Double edge.
> really enjoyed this time at home: friends, family, girls, fun;
Really like spending time with cute girls (not necessarily bang) - like their company, important part of keeping a positive ecosystem
Restarting to post more often with my different observations throughout the day. It brings consciousness in my life and good things come with that.
Understanding what really motivates me
Money vs self-mastery. This is a huge topic that is worth diving into, but no time for now. It looks like I prefer doing something that is harder/more challenging and make less money, than doing something easier and make more money. Seems I place self-mastery/challenging myself higher than making money.
Is this a bias of mine? Am I afraid that if I get money fast I would get complacent? Am I unconsciously addicted to struggling (formed an identity in it)? Am I too arrogant in thinking I can make 'easy' money?
All good questions to explore.
> Being back in my Grind setup in Malta - re-engaged easily into work mode.
> Had a coaching sessh last night that encouraged me that I'm still playing fine.
> When I feel I'm figuring out a lot of stuff with poker, I get visions of printing money, feeling like a boss, smashing hotties, get turned on, Alpha.
> meanwhile, I lost 1k again today. wtf is this

Relistening to 'Jed Mckenna - Spiritual Enlightment, the Damnedest thing' audiobook. Makes you question life, what you're doing.
Some quotes
What are you doing?
Why are you doing it?
Where is this going?
If you know, you'll succeed. If you don't, you won't.
That's the Law.What are you distancing yourself from? What are you moving towards?
Apart from biological needs (hunger, procreate, etc) impacting our conception of wrong, nothing is wrong (outside of these physical needs).
Poker related, restarted watching Neuropsychology of Poker video series here on ps. Very good one.
So it seems there is merit to keeping your mood up, to stay positive and healthy.

Apparently when you're in a good mood, the emotional part of your brain does not influence your rational side that much and viceversa.
When our subcortical region is positive and healthy, it's going to have a harder time to influence our frontal lobes and their ability to think and perform rationally.
When we are in more of a negative mood, that subcortical region is less healthy and it will have a stronger influence, a more powerful negative effect on our frontal lobes and on our rational decision making.
I always wondered if I played differently when I was angry, negative, on a downswing. Seems it's hard not to. Interesting.
Listened to some more neuropsychology of poker today

What I learned
> seems Serotonin is a chemical responsible for our good / bad mood (links in w/ prev post)
> Serotonin is released in our body based on our perception of resources - including social, food, currency etc
> when our brain feels we are missing something, serotonin goes down, depression can appear
> Depression is a call for action, that says you are lacking in some area - kinda like your brain telling u to stop being a bitch and step up
> when depressed, our cognitive abilities are greatly diminished - I think this is very important! So when u're depressed w/ever the reason, you should want to solve what it is bugging you asap, otherwise ur decisions at the tables suffer

^left: way less brain activity
> another solution is to re-evaluate if you really have trouble in some area and take some time off to increase ur serotonin in other ways
Funny how watching the series this time around I find it way more useful. I wonder what Somnius is doing with his life nowadays.
Been spending decent time in the lab lately, coming up with new strats, testing them in the 100NL streets. Got a new antivirus. Cool story.

> seems Serotonin is a chemical responsible for our good / bad mood (links in w/ prev post)
I do not see links. I have heard about serotonin being responsible of how you feel. But would be interested in more detail.
@Speed : I meant it has to do with previous post. Thinking about making a vblog on the stuff I learned from the series (still 2 vids to go), super interesting stuff.
Weekly BR Challenge Report
Played Hands: 5.250
Results: $-700
Current BR: $11.330
47 weeks
Ran bad even in ev - complain.jpg:

I can't convince my brain to take poker seriously. It's so weird. It feels like I just don't care anymore. And I don't even care that much about not caring.
I feel so unconscious.
If I don't take control fast, enter desperation mode.
I know what I have to do. Drastically limit my activities, stop fb/wapp/tinder stimulation for a while, move a lot (gym, beach etc). Then again, everyone knows what they should do.
I think it's interesting for the readers to see the inconsistency of my emotions and their swings. Actually now I just feel unconscious, not feeling good or bad. Life's not that bad.
Maybe go to Taipei for a month at the end of summer?
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Man, I love those girls on your forum but makes me sad as well ![]()
Keep it up dude, NL200 isn't an easy place so hope you do well!
Originally posted by Hesticus
Man, I love those girls on your forum but makes me sad as well
Keep it up dude, NL200 isn't an easy place so hope you do well!
Haha thanks yo, should motivate you, we're gonna make it brah!
This is one of the most important posts in this blog.
Listening to this tune
Reminds me that if I had a lot of money, I would just be an ultra degen, go to parties/festivals with this kind of music, hang out with other degen girls and guys, do crazy shit, pop pills, fuck a lot of girls, not giving a fuuuuuuck.


Lol staying focused, lol being on your path, lol success, lol hustling hard, lol being fulfilled

So in a way I'm grateful that I have to work my way up and that I didn't 'receive' it. Makes a bit harder to get lost in that life. I think that lifestyle is pretty cool and makes u feel good, but is not fulfilling, doesn't make u happy and fucks you up long term.
Whereas when you build yourself up to crush life and hustle hard I think it's way more satisfying and sustainable long term.

Spoiler
lol jk 420 blaze it phaggot


Daniel SoF
Not playing when u feel you cannot focus is a skill you improve or lose.
Should stop playing zoom that much. Pretty often too few fish. Regular tables are more soft and engaging for me now.
Having constant distractions also drains energy and focus.
Reminds me that if I had a lot of money, I would just be an ultra degen, go to parties/festivals with this kind of music, hang out with other degen girls and guys, do crazy shit, pop pills, fuck a lot of girls, not giving a fuuuuuuck.
Haha come to Thailand, you can go clubbing like anything and go hitting on many girls here especially because you are white skinned, they perceive you here as being 'wealthy'. Foreign girls also like to hook up here because they don't get too much attention anymore (all goes to the local citizens
)
Originally posted by Hesticus
Reminds me that if I had a lot of money, I would just be an ultra degen, go to parties/festivals with this kind of music, hang out with other degen girls and guys, do crazy shit, pop pills, fuck a lot of girls, not giving a fuuuuuuck.
Haha come to Thailand, you can go clubbing like anything and go hitting on many girls here especially because you are white skinned, they perceive you here as being 'wealthy'. Foreign girls also like to hook up here because they don't get too much attention anymore (all goes to the local citizens
)
Haha yeah, that's what I'm saying that I don't think I could handle getting into that lifestyle right now. Like I would prob lose any desire to step up in life overall and stay focused etc.
fk, forgot about posting the BR update
Weekly BR Challenge Report
Played Hands: 9.537
Results: $-$401
Current BR: $10.929
48 weeks
How do ppl win at online poker?
Check this shittttt
PS. I dropped my phone trying to take it with me and listen to this
Possible broke my speaker, not working for now. Song confirmed cursed.
That would make waking up to an alarm pretty tough.
Weekly BR Challenge Report
Played Hands: 9.347
Results: -$367
Current BR: $10.562
49 weeks

Time to pray to the Based God
Seriously though, been thinking about things. Like if you keep hating on yourself, being overly self-critical about how you fuck up etc, focus on what you are doing badly/needs fixing, you reinforce that way of being and it will keep manifesting into your reality. There is not gonna come a time when you just are gonna find yourself in good circumstances and that will change your way of thinking about yourself.
Maybe it's actually the other way around, you first think it of yourself and then it manifests in your circumstances/outer success.
Very good related video on your identity and how it shapes what you do
yeh bruh nigga bruh based god
Weekly BR Challenge Report
Played Hands: 12.873
Results: $231
Current BR: $10.793
50 weeks (that's a lot of weeks)
Some wild rungood appears



