The die is cast

I have made a few adjustments:

Taking 15-30 min breaks after 500 hands or 2h session;
Stop playing after 8 p.m;
Avoid dividing attention when in game (like playing while watching something, or talking to someone, etc.);
Not calling river overbets against unknown;
Stop watching tilting and raging streamers, only content like carrotcorner, hungryhorse, gtowizard, etc.;
Every day studying the hands from the day before, tryind to identify punts and spots where I, playing OK, could've played better.

This weekend, in which I was not gonna play, ended up being very profitable, and I'm up 6 bi.

BR 405.

Today I'll focus on extracting maximum for value. Turn will be check/b75 /b125.
Trying to overbet some flops like T52r.

BR 398 (lost a little after last post).

Everytime I actively try to get more money into the pot with larger raises I realize that people do call off light more than I expect. Which means bluffing underperforms against a lot of people, maybe against pool’s general tendencies. At least in SRP by checkraising flop dry/paired board, for example.

I have also identified some unsettling feelings that come up when I’m building giant pots, like the anxiety of a scare card coming up, the uncertainty of unfamiliar spots, being donk shoved OTR and such. Something that continued application should solve.

BR 418.

500 hands, 2 bi below EV. Nothing lasts.

BR 401.

After a very productive day, that:

Pacific Poker - $0.10 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 103.5 BB
Hero (SB): 100.5 BB
BB: 162.8 BB
UTG: 164.8 BB
MP: 92.8 BB
CO: 81.1 BB

Hero posts SB 0.5 BB, BB posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.5 BB) Hero has K♣ T♣

fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to 3 BB, BB raises to 10 BB, Hero calls 7 BB

Flop: (20 BB, 2 players) 2♥ 6♣ Q♣
Hero checks, BB bets 5.6 BB, Hero raises to 19.8 BB, BB calls 14.2 BB

Turn: (59.6 BB, 2 players) A♥
Hero bets 70.7 BB and is all-in, BB calls 70.7 BB

River: (201 BB, 2 players) 9♥

Hero shows K♣ T♣ (High Card, Ace)
(Pre 43%, Flop 56%, Turn 27%)
BB shows A♦ 9♦ (Two Pair, Aces and Nines)
(Pre 57%, Flop 44%, Turn 73%)
BB wins 190.9 BB

V seems to be an agressive reg who has sucked out 3bi from me in 300 hands, only 50 of them direct confrontations.

I was going to post this yesterday. KTs as a bluff candidate seems alright, and being BxB too since V we're playing with wider ranges. The thinking behind was that he is going to call some TT, JJ, every pair of queens and flush draw, so OTT he doesn't have many top pairs, and I'll apply maximum pressure now improving my equity with a gutshot. But the "maximum" was a little bit over. The sizing makes no sense. He still holds nut advantage with sets of aces and queens, top two pair, so an overbet is uncalled for. b75 would already make the hands I wished he'd fold fold, allowing me to shove when draws completed OTR or give up with the bricked FD. Also, by the same token that villain will not have the goods frequently because of the wider ranges, I'll not have the good frequently and therefore overbluff this spot.

BR 425. When we get to 450 again we start taking 25nLz shots.

So we are just few dollars away from those 25nL shots.
This is when I get hasty, caught up by the moment, carried away. I'll try to control it best as possible, by understanding the fickle nature of the game and not getting too attached to a number. Patience. Things might take a bad turn again - that's not for us to control - so let's not make a big deal out of it. Can't be surprised if next week lose what has been built. Maybe the 3 remaining dollars turn into 40 again, 40 into 80. Maybe you take a beating at 25NL. Remember: there are absolutely no guarantees.

February was brutal. And there are even more brutal swings along the way. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to it, but I do believe they end up being an opportunity to exercise virtue. If not patience, at least discipline. If not wisdom, at least humility. And certainly we get more grateful when finally upswinging after consecutive runs of disaster.

And this aphorism by Nietzsche has been in my mind: “To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities—I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not—that one endures.”

BR 447.

Got there. Gonna call it a day and tomorrow start at 25 right away.

The plan is:

2 tables of zoom.
No mixing 25 with 10nL. Gotta be all-in.
Stop-loss: 3bi.

Reminders (what I got wrong when climbing 2 -> 5 and 5 -> 10 every single time):
You are not suddenly playing against LLinus. NO HERO CALLING ACE HIGH BECAUSE "OPPONENT SHOWS HE IS CAPABLE OF BLUFFING".
You are not suddenly Linnus. NO BIG BOI BLUFFS FOR NOW!
Not changing PF ranges.
Don't die by your own traps: fast-play nuts.
(However) not a single problem in being tighter and more passive while we search the perimeter.
Tagging players: avoid ego-driven combats against sharks; search for good spots against weaker players.
No need to prove yourself. You are here.

BR 450.

Let's see how it goes.

Will post some graphs later, status got upgraded!

BR 450.

Didn't notice much of a difference between NL10 and NL25.
The regulars as expected are a bit more agressive, fighting more for pots. I faced (just a few) more overbets, most of them for value. Opponents are probably more elastic, and some bluffs get through. Didn't feel a substancial increase of 3bets/4bets as from 5nL to 10nL. And there were a few guys with whom I had already played in 10 nL so it helped in the sense of getting familiar with pool.

The recreational players I've encountered were having a blast like none other from 10 NL. I mean like opening 4bb from the LJ and calling a 3bet with J4s and calling off a triple barrel with top pair. It's worth mentioning that I, out of insecurity really, was not able to extract the most I could from them, hitting the brakes by the river (checking, block betting) instead of shoving or betting big on very safe boards.

I was very glad that I could follow my plan and reminded myself in-game of the reminders. For the first time climbing up I didn't have that uneasy feeling that comes from not knowing what to do to counteract villains move, and then making adjustments that are theoretically correct but end up hurting your winrate (4betting wider against a guy that is over3betting COxBTN and having no idea what to do post-flop when called, for example).

Still, -9 after 2,3k hands. C all in adj. +68. Could use a little more luck right now. But I'll use whatever I have.

BR 449 because rakeback.

Morning session before work. 500 hands, -40.

2 hands for that result:

Pacific Poker - $0.25 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 105.2 BB
SB: 112.6 BB
Hero (BB): 123 BB
UTG: 32.92 BB
MP: 117.16 BB
CO: 164.6 BB

SB posts SB 0.4 BB, Hero posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.4 BB) Hero has A♣ K♥

fold, fold, fold, BTN raises to 2 BB, SB calls 1.6 BB, Hero raises to 13 BB, BTN calls 11 BB, SB calls 11 BB

Flop: (39 BB, 3 players) 7♥ K♣ 3♥
SB checks, Hero bets 12.84 BB, BTN calls 12.84 BB, SB calls 12.84 BB

Turn: (77.52 BB, 3 players) 4♣
SB checks, Hero bets 38 BB, fold, SB calls 38 BB

River: (153.52 BB, 2 players) 5♣
SB bets 48.76 BB and is all-in, Hero calls 48.76 BB

SB shows 9♣ 7♣ (Flush, King High)
(Pre 39%, Flop 21%, Turn 30%)
Hero shows A♣ K♥ (One Pair, Kings)
(Pre 61%, Flop 79%, Turn 70%)
SB wins 236.92 BB

It's a big one. There's absolutely no way I'm folding for less than 1/3pot OTR against recreational calling SB then calling 3bet. His sets would likely be raised before, so basically the only thing he could have there is the backdoor completed (and that's less likely having the Ac), straights maybe?
I considered shoving the turn, but then I wouldn't get max value from hands such... such as his.

Pacific Poker - $0.25 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 64.12 BB
SB: 100 BB
BB: 165.92 BB
Hero (UTG): 124.08 BB
MP: 100.4 BB
CO: 150.24 BB

SB posts SB 0.4 BB, BB posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.4 BB) Hero has K♣ K♦

Hero raises to 2.48 BB, fold, CO calls 2.48 BB, fold, fold, fold

Flop: (6.36 BB, 2 players) 6♦ A♣ K♠
Hero bets 4.76 BB, CO calls 4.76 BB

Turn: (15.88 BB, 2 players) T♦
Hero bets 22.84 BB, CO calls 22.84 BB

River: (61.56 BB, 2 players) J♠
Hero bets 12.28 BB, CO raises to 120.16 BB and is all-in, fold

CO wins 81.8 BB

V is 18/15/7 in 2k hands.
He is inelastic. Seems to call overbets with the same range that he would call b75 and I'm trying to take advantage of that OTT, could have done it OTF.
Now that beautiful river... If I check then I think I have to call at least 1/2pot bet, likely not getting any money from his 2 pairs that will check here. So I block bet to get calls from all 2 pairs he might have, and if he raises I can fold more confidently - and that's what he does, he shoves. It's absolutely a fold, specially against someone with his stats but I can't figure out which queen he has here. QJ might call flop and hit the gutshot. AQ same thing. QQ is folding turn probably, KQ?

I'll post this one later in the hand discussions part.

BR 409.

It's looking grim.

I was about to finish the session and got AKs against a guy I had 8 hands with. 1 limper (CO), I raise (BTN) 4bb, SB 3bet 16bb, shove, fold, I call. KK and not even a sign of an ace or flush.

So we remain on the same page, on the brink of retreat. At least got 11 dollar from rb. But 375 and we are back at 10 NL.

Despite the results, so far I'm confident I can beat this stake. Today once more we ran in 1k hands 1 bi below EV.

And despite this analysis of the results, I'm done believing that the EV is what I should've won. Yes, it matters to some degree, it makes sense to evaluate the decisions I made. But like, I'm not sure if thinking that I "should have won" anything will help my game. So I was considering - and that's what I have done today - to always remind me that I do not deserve anything. There are only chances, and however promising they appear to be, they still don't owe me anything. Nothing. And it was absolutely helpful. I have to test it further.

BR 411.

Check out this voice.

Don't mind the irony of the lyrics talking about sitting poor, getting broke and not having a penny left.

Morning session 200 hands, +34.

But room is laggy (holding the nuts and the screen freezing is terrifying) and just 9 players, most of them shortstacked.

So I'll call it and later I'll come back to it.

BR 444.

Still fighting.
But there's this phenomenon in poker in which the nasty outcomes tend to follow closely other nasty outcomes. It's similar to when you are swimming in the beach, a bigger than usual wave comes and you try to outmaneuver it, just to find out that right behind it is coming another one as huge as the last one, and another one, and you realize suddenly that if you don't catch a breath it will win you over. There's no way to surf the violence of those breaking waves, and very little you can do besides keeping calm and waiting for it to stop. But while it's happening the thought of "this is not ever ending" gets more and more familiar.

So that was it. First got AK in a 3bet pot against stranger, flop is A23scc, I cbet from BTN, SB folds and CO reraises. I call, turn is a Th, he shoves for 75%pot and I call, knowing that this is an underbluffed line from villain but there are only 6 combos of value (sets of 2s and 3s), and we might be chopping too. I call and he hit the set of 2s OTF.
5 hands later I get it in with QQ vs KK PF with a shortstack (30bb), then some 50 hands later AK x KK 70 bb eff stack, right next to flopping top set and losing to flush (50bb, V didn't shove the river).

When I first climbed to NL5 and NL10 the same thing happened. The only smooth climb that I had was the second time NL5 -> nL10 as I have said in the first post. Even the change from regular tables to zoom at NL10 was joined with a 20 bi downswing out of nowhere. So 25 nL is no different, but this time I do not see me unprepared, however far from being a crusher. So I'm not worried, although disappointed, of having to step back and grind a little more of 10NL, maybe to a BR of 500 so I have more of a margin to play at 25.

But I still have $13 dollars left and there's more to the heart of a gambler than in his pockets!

BR 392 (won 2 spins, as consolation).

Shot was taken, and I missed the target.

This was the coup de grâce:

Pacific Poker - $0.25 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 5 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 118.44 BB
SB: 107.2 BB
BB: 32 BB
Hero (UTG): 100 BB
CO: 100 BB

SB posts SB 0.4 BB, BB posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.4 BB) Hero has Q♥ J♥

Hero raises to 2.48 BB, CO raises to 8.44 BB, fold, fold, fold, Hero calls 5.96 BB

Flop: (18.28 BB, 2 players) Q♠ 8♣ K♥
Hero checks, CO bets 6 BB, Hero calls 6 BB

Turn: (30.28 BB, 2 players) 6♥
Hero checks, CO bets 15.12 BB, Hero calls 15.12 BB

River: (60.52 BB, 2 players) J♠
Hero checks, CO bets 70.44 BB and is all-in, Hero calls 70.44 BB and is all-in

Hero shows Q♥ J♥ (Two Pair, Queens and Jacks)

CO shows A♥ T♣ (Straight, Ace High)

CO wins 191.32 BB

I have to learn how to fold 2p in these spots.

Back to 10 NL.

I'll keep a weekly track of the bankroll instead of daily.

BR 375.

This is the last 4 months' results, including 30k hands of 5nL, 100k hands of 10nL/10nLz and 5k hands of 25nL.

Focusing on rivers today.

- Bluff reraise when opponent block bets
Let's basically bluff every opportunity and see how it goes, with no regard for balance or opponent qualities. Then we try to extract a strategy from that.

- Trying to find spots to check-raise for value:
a. villain should be aggresive enough;
b. river card shouldn't be a scare card (lead!);
c. river card hits his perceived range;

Let's go with that.

3k hands for the day.

I was able to implement the reraise block bets OTR, which worked very well. Still gotta figure out which textures it works better, against what kind of opponent and so on, but that might come with time and training, because I'll keep doing that, although not so all over the place as I did today.

Couldn't really find spots to check-raise river for value. I have the impression that every time I check, they check, so it makes more sense to donk bet big with pool to get value.

Stopped playing when tried a donk bet for 49bb a 3bet pot and got shoved + 150bb on. Not sure it was a bad move though, once I could never win and check-raise all in seemed too much for me I guess. If villain was able to take that out with a bluff then that's pretty impressive and good for him.

I've been thinking that 500 might be the sweet spot for nl25. I guess I have some change like 50 dollars in pokerstars that could help with that.

PS: Today we finally broke even after the 10nL zoom welcome 20 bi downswing!

Had the worst session in a long time here. Not in buy-ins, but in quality of game.

Absolutely dumb. A fool unwillingly being moved towards burning money. Braing-fogged. Uninterested in the game.

Not even gonna lie and say it was bad luck. At least half of it was 100% on me. At least I could identify when to stop.

I don't even feel like writing.

Yesterday was out of order.

Even when I am exhausted poker is go-to pleasure. But yesterday I was numb and specially after the 100th hand or so I just gave away. It was like I was moving to no purpose, winning or losing, the session could've gone as it went or marvellously profitable, I'd react the same way, as nothing.

I'm gratefully out of that hole already and I don't believe it's source was poker. It was reexposing myself to my profession and it's setbacks. I treat severe psychiatric patients, in a very fast-paced rhythm, and I was not acting the last 10 days because of holidays.
So add the inevitable absorption of the most grave affective states you can imagine, the physical load of high performance, lot of hours, and great responsibilities to a whale hitting quads OTT - this being the hardest blow, of course - and you have the recipe for whatever was happening yesterday.

It doesn't make sense to get active when your body and soul is advising you to just shut down. And it's better not not play when I find myself again in similar circunstances. It's damaging to me and to my game. Also for sake of transparency I want to express whatever is happening but I certainly don't want to fill blog with melancholy, that's for sure. Can't promise the same for whining and complaining.

It is solved for now. Today I will likely not play because I arrive home late. But tomorrow I'll get back to it.