Well this is one of those days where poker just decides to fuck me over all day no matter
what the fuck I do. I have not had a day this bad ever. I am serious. Every time I would
open another set it would be the same shit.
Look at this.....
Not only was I losing with the good cards, I was also running into monster after monster
after monster. Non stop. I guess I have alonger way to go than I thought for Tilt control
because watching the BR just dwindle away what would take a week to work for in a day
and in ever third hand you get involved in just feels like shit.
Ok as I am writing this I am fully calm again so the tilt doesnt last but it got me good at the
end there. Those finish distributions had me feeling like a fish. And I did not play many games
steamed. the last couple were always the worst but the session would be over I would leave
and come back when I had more free time and I would start out fresh and not worried.
Half way through the last session though it was just fucking rediculous and pointless.
I could fill like 3 blog pages of stunning hands just from today.
But like I said I am fine now... and I change the graph to buy ins and it looks like nothing
at all. So I guess lesson learned again. The whole reason I got together a 100 BI roll was
because every time I hit these $6.50s I get fucking rolled over something retarded.
I do not have the earlier $6.50s in my DB only the ones from since I started playing them again
this month. I have asked Full Tilt to mail me all of them so I can see what the EV looks like
because it is a big sample.
Well here is the total graph now. Opposite of yesterday but I am now totally ready to go
again for more. Not tonight though becuase I really fucking tilted at the end. I managed
a first in my second last game which was a miracle. I am worried that if I fire up more
and this continues I will make mistakes and be very pissed.
I guess there are soo many mental blocks to get over.. Like why the fuck does this happen at
this limit? The players are not better than the $3.40s. I finish first more often than any other
place when I money. These retarded things like I guess I figure why the fuck can I not see some
profit on this limit then let me have a downer so I can not feel it so much.. It is all
just really stupid shit that when the tilt is gone you can see it for what it is.
I will also use thie opportunity to review todays hands very closely and see if I was steaming
at points and doing things that were pointless and costing me more chips and money. It is
easy to say now that I didn't make many but I bet I will find some shit in there amongst the
seemingly impossible barrage of bullshit.
I can't wait to be able to not feel this shit. I still have 100 BIs for the $6.50s so its not
like my BR was decimated. I mean why should I be so pissed when its happening? I did
run hotter than fucking hell throughout the $3.40s and I increased this BR soo fast..
and I wrote over and over again that I should remember the good when I get fucked later.
I guess I didnt expect three days of breaking even and losing to shit but bouncing back
at the end of every session to suddenly go into a destruction of every hand I didnt fold.
Who am I kidding, I am not some SNG god who desserves to win and I should not have
more money than when I woke up today just because I sat down at the computer
4 or 5 times to play.
This shit can carry on for days or it may go away tommorow if I have time to play and
that is regardless of anything I do. All I can do is study more and learn more and keep
playing.
Maybe the swings are going to be ~20 BIs all the time on the $6.50s and I am just not
used to it. Maybe I thought 10 was a bad day and 20 is just average. All this shit will
work itself out in the long run so I better just calm the fuck down and realize I am still
just a fish learning to swim and eat.
I may be bigger than alot of other fish and therefore win my share of the prizes but that
does not mean that I am no fish. Wow I am spewing all over this e paper again and
it helped.
Ok well BR is back to $650 well just under it.
Its petty now that I think about it all. I will not edit this post I will for spelling but now I am
calm and have walked through it mentally I would probably want to erase some of what I
wrote but it stays.
Tommorow is not today.
Thanks for reading.