So here's my story:
Poker seems to have consumed my life. By no means am I an addictive losing player, but I would say, however, that I am an addictive somewhat-winning-and-aspiring-to-reach-that-very-high-winrate player. It is very stressing and a bit depressing to try and survive college (I hate it but there does not seem to be a way around it) while devoting all of the free time for studying and playing poker. I am, of course, improving, but hardly at the rate that I was dreaming about when I first started.
Yes, indeed, I too was stunned by the idea that I could avoid working in a boring and low-paid job and do something that I like and enjoy, and feel free while doing it at the same time. So deposited $10 on Pokerstars, started playing, reading a few articles, watching a few videos without putting too much effort in the process. I played cash games but enjoyed rather moderate results. I hit some sick upswings and got somewhere around $300 playing SS. Then I went to FTP via PS.com and switched to BSS, which didn't do too well for me, hence why I switched to SNGs.
Having played very actively for a bit less than a year and a half without much studying I had somehow (I still do not get how) amassed a 3k+ bankroll playing single and multitable SNGs at FTP without really studying the game too hard (at least compared to how I am overworking myself right now). Here is my FTP graph:
Spoiler
I really did not mind such results. I also had no difficulty persuading myself that either a) I am a poker God, or b) poker is INCREDIBLY EASY. And then Black Friday came. I received the First Aid bonus from PS and went on playing on WH with a 100$ bankroll. I thought that I was so good that I started playing 10$ and 5$ SNGs since I thought that in that way I would reach my initial bankroll faster. I actually managed to get myself up to ~$180 in a matter of a few sessions. I obviously thought that I am Isildur2. Well, until I hit the below-$10-mark. That is when I realized that it would be probably be better if I studied the game a bit more, which I did but still somewhat unwillingly and unproductively, e.i., without putting too much effort in it. After a 2k sample size (although my entire focus almost 7/24 was on poker I was not able to put in higher volume / study more for the certain private reasons) my graph looked like this:
Spoiler
Not quite what I was used to. You can only imagine my frustration. My dream seemed to be dead. Because I was (and still am) so addictive, I decided to analyse this situation, and came to the conclusion that whatever it was that granted me those previous 3k results is not something that is present in my current situation. I started to study a bit more and asked here in the forums whether SNGs on WH are profitable (I mean, there has to be a reason why such a poker God like me is breakeven at best?). Upon hearing that neither WH nor higher stakes SNGs are too profitable I immediately bought HEM2 and switched to SH cashgames, which is also the game I am playing right now.
I still kept playing on WH, but decided to put a lot more emphasis on studying. Ever since that switch the effort and amount of time dedicated to studying poker has been increasing with every day. I can say exactly the opposite about my poker ego. Anyway, there were time periods where my study/play ratio would look like 80/20. I brought my laptop to the lectures in which it was allowed and read articles/posted hands on the forum while trying to hear the most important information during the lecture, if there was any. Usually there was not. After lectures I went to my doormroom and continued studying until evening when the fish appeared.
That is actually how I spent most if not all of my free time. With one goal in mind – I have to obtain at least that $10/h winrate and eliminate all my money problems (I am currently trying to pay my bills and survive on an everyday basis while enjoying my youth and being addicted to nicotine with a monthly bankroll of $270, which, although I do not have anyone to compare to, is really not too cool). You can imagine the stress. On top of all that – there have been and still are ton of problems in my personal life, not to mention all the additional factors that stress me out. I still keep pushing myself towards that goal, and, indeed, my life for the past few months has been solely poker-oriented.
So where is it that I currently stand?
I finally switched back to Pokerstars 2 weeks ago to get the reload bonus and try out the seemingly better player pool. I have been playing a little bit more than I have been studying lately, and my study emphasis is more on videos now. Just to mix it up. My game is solid, I would say, since I have studied a lot, but certain questionable moves and spews are common in my play (although their frequency seems to be decreasing) because I just still cannot get my head around the idea that one is supposed to play SO ABC most of the time. Two days ago I switched to Zoom poker in order to to be able to release a bigger bonus due to higher volume. My SH cash game results have not been as great as I would like them to me:
WH SH:
Spoiler
Pokerstars SH:
Spoiler
So why am I posting this all?
I basically humbly beg you to reflect upon three things in this thread:
1) My obsessiveness / psychology / mindset, e.i., how unhealthy is this all? How should my attitude change if it should change at all?
2) How do you rate my goal? Is it realistic to obtain a winrate nowadays that could cover my survival costs? If the goal is ok, approximately how longer should it take for me to reach it?
3) What are realistic winrates in poker nowadays? Say, we are talking about pokerstars and its player pool – how much can you win on average per hour on NL25, NL50, NL100, NL200, NL400?
Rereading this right now, it actually seems rather depressive. And in all honesty it is depressing. I am even considering to quit poker altogether since it has so many negative effects on my life. It is just that I love the game (I would not play it without earning money though), and I know that I have what it takes to get to that level. It is just that I have no idea how long it will take me and whether it will be worth it in the end. I know I am ambitious but hard work pays off. It should, at least.
