expose

Hi everyone,
So i am not being regular here but I think it's time for me to be honest and realistic about my game.
I start playing poker 7 years ago (mainly mtt) and try to take it seriously the last 4 years. Except, i didn't really take it seriously, just pretend it. I read few things but as soon as it was complicated i stop learning and just gamble. Moreover, i never been a winning player, i just pretend to myself and other that i was.
Earlier this year i won around 8k euros and was almost even after all those years…(congrats to me)-except those few results don't mean that i progress but that i had a good rush. And i withdraw 3k and decide that i was good enough to play much higher tournament where i tilt +play badly and lost almost all (250 left) (yeah, that's bad!) How can I pretend to play higher buy-in when i am not even wining at 2/5 euros tournaments?!
So i decided to stop poker since one week for a while and look mainly at strategy, theory,etc. I also have to focus on finishing my master, which take a lot of times. But in 2 months I will be over with uni and I will not have an internship and a job until october (not even sure i ll be accepted yet!) During this time i will have time to focus on my passions, including poker.
However, i don't want to repeat the same mistakes over and over that I repeat since 5 years that i attribute to many aspects but mainly my lack of discipline and my pretentious lie which stop me to engage with other player by fear of being criticised. So, i am hoping by posting here it will force me to discipline myself and accept criticism and the fact that i am a 'huge fish'.
My goals in poker will be: - take my time to learn the theories behind this game and apply it(but not learning and forgetting it the next day!)
- order a poker tracker because i am not 'isildur1' and learn to use it properly
- respect my bankroll, meditate and focus on the discipline.
- try to become a wining poker player (even if it is for 0.1$ and if it takes me 10 years (slowly but surely!)
It will take a lot of time as I have other passions and don't aim at doing just poker in my life but i will try to play seriously. So far, my only contribution i can bring to you is how to be a loosing player but i hope in 10 years, i ll be writing another story- (that i am a consistent winning player at micro limits mtt!!)

ps: sorry for my writing (i am not use to talk about me and post on forum!)

here is a motivational video that i found is pretty good and hope you'll enjoy.