"Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having sex with for 6 months. FML"
LOL
Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML
LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL
"Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML"
oops poker is everywhere
"Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML"
Originally posted by alejandrosh
oops poker is everywhereAnswer: “You are bluffing!” FML"
LOL
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
ROFL great site!!
Originally posted by cannell555
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FMLROFL great site!!
lol
"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"
Comment:
Ok, so here's what you do. This will take a lot of dedication but trust me it's completely worth it. Get a 100% make-over, make sure not even you can recognize yourself, go to Hot Topic and buy any Twilight gear you can find. When you see her make sure you're wearing all of your Twilight wear, carry all of the books from the series on you, if you can even get an illegal copy of the movie have that on you too. Talk to her about Twilight, it won't be hard to fake your way through it, just say you love Edward, you hate Jacob and you wish that you could find yourself a real-life Bella, she'll melt for you here. Once you have her in your grasp start dating her and make sure she doesn't take any birth control pills and one night have ravenous sex with her, like bestial almost, completely condom free. Wait a few weeks to months and when she comes to tell you that you guys are now expecting and that you should at least talk marriage plans over reveal to her that it's really you and that you absolutely hate everything Twilight, and that the books and movie make for decent firewood at best. Then while she's crying, this is the most crucial part, scream at the top of your lungs while rearing your whole body in preparations for a punch, "FAAALCOOOON!" And as your make contact with her embryo enriched stomach finish the phrase, "PAAWWWNCH!" As she's lying on the floor grab the copy of the sex tape you no-doubtingly made the night you conceived the child, that may or may not be alive depending on your ability Falcon Punch, and sell it online to make up some of the cost of this whole revenge expedition.
Originally posted by radyan111
"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"Comment:
Ok, so here's what you do. This will take a lot of dedication but trust me it's completely worth it. Get a 100% make-over, make sure not even you can recognize yourself, go to Hot Topic and buy any Twilight gear you can find. When you see her make sure you're wearing all of your Twilight wear, carry all of the books from the series on you, if you can even get an illegal copy of the movie have that on you too. Talk to her about Twilight, it won't be hard to fake your way through it, just say you love Edward, you hate Jacob and you wish that you could find yourself a real-life Bella, she'll melt for you here. Once you have her in your grasp start dating her and make sure she doesn't take any birth control pills and one night have ravenous sex with her, like bestial almost, completely condom free. Wait a few weeks to months and when she comes to tell you that you guys are now expecting and that you should at least talk marriage plans over reveal to her that it's really you and that you absolutely hate everything Twilight, and that the books and movie make for decent firewood at best. Then while she's crying, this is the most crucial part, scream at the top of your lungs while rearing your whole body in preparations for a punch, "FAAALCOOOON!" And as your make contact with her embryo enriched stomach finish the phrase, "PAAWWWNCH!" As she's lying on the floor grab the copy of the sex tape you no-doubtingly made the night you conceived the child, that may or may not be alive depending on your ability Falcon Punch, and sell it online to make up some of the cost of this whole revenge expedition.
winnar!
"Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML" 
