A bum approaches a man and asks him for $5.
Man: "Will you use it for buying booze?"
Bum: "No, sir."
Man: "Will you be gambling it away then?"
Bum: "Absolutely NOT!"
Man (bemused): "Why dont you come home with me? I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble."
Two's a Dazzle at the Casino
The craps table at the casino was empty, and the two dealers were getting bored waiting for players to arrive. Suddenly a gorgeous big-busted brunette shows up and says,
"Hey boys, what about me betting my $20,000 on a single roll of dice".
"Sure" they replied, smiling confidently.
"Just one more thing" she added, "I feel much luckier when I play completely naked". And, in a flash, she stripped off all her clothes, then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
As soon as the dice stopped, she started jumping up and down, giving each of the dealers a big bosom hug while yelling "OH YES, I'VE WON, I'VE WON, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and ran off. The dealers just stared at each other, open-mouthed.
Finally one of them asked the other, "What the heck did she roll anyway?"
"How should I know" said the second dealer, "I thought you were watching the dice!"
