I am on tilt. it's complicated.
i am new to poker and i'm usually doing fairly okay at the play money poker on various sites. i am able to stick to the guide - playing premium hands and playing it strong. i am able to fold big hands. And although it is not in the guide, sometimes i slowplay against some opponents and it worked. Sometimes i steal blinds and it worked.
and then i got invited to the juno invitational at PS (no, this is not the account i chose for my starting capital, i chose FTP. i registered with PS using no referral code and din deposit so maybe that's why they decide to give me a chance). Of course i'm thrilled. so thrilled that i didn't even go and scan my id for the id check when i finally found a scanner after much efforts. Well, it is different there cuz everyone is playing tight. The first time i played, i came in 10+. That shouldn't be the case because i wasn't supposed to get into the hand in the first place. i should have dropped out when someone raised. i shouldn't have gone all in. I know i should at least make it to the final table and even get placed 2nd (1st is hard because i sucked at playing against single opponent most of the time)
But i was still happy with the very little money i've got and i went to play $3 SNGs. I played twice and got busted out. Again this shouldn't have happened! i just went all in when facing strong opponents and this is stupid! Because these people are generally playing very tight. I have got nothing.
Final story. Today, i joined the juno tourney again. it is early in the tourney and i folded all my cards, except for the blinds. i was apprehensive because many others called and raised with A/K/Q 7s or less and they won the pot and have got a decent stack.
I was at SB, and using my tight image, i bluffed with nothing raising 4BBs. The big stack folded and the short stack hanged on. The turn come and i raised 4BBs again. He folded.
the BB is 50 and i'm on BB, holding 2 unconnected no. hearts. so i checked and see what would happen. 2 hearts came out on the flop and that's where i lost it. i raised and prayed that the others will fold to me. Someone went all in and i called, praying for another heart that didn't come. I lost badly and i went all in at the next turn. i got busted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? why did i make all the impossibly bad decisions? I didn't know i would make them until it's done. I went into the tourney today thinking i shouldn't fool around. I will not fool around. I will get to the final table. But this is what happened. What is up with me?! Is there something dysfunctional in me?! Did anyone did the same things i did before and is it normal? Am i addicted to gambling or is poker not suitable for me???
I still have my chances at the future juno tourney but i'm not confident anymore.
Quitters never win, winners never quit! 
