Originally posted by Shove
Hey Jared,
thanks for this great thread!
I'm going pro in october and I think I could do really well but I identified two or three big "leaks" which could hold me back. Maybe you can help me with them.
Hate-Losing / Entitlement Tilt / Confidence
I am and always was a very competitive person. I can't stand losing. For example when I was younger I played a lot of basketball and when I faced a guy who was better than me I practised and practised until I eventually would beat him. Unfortunately because of the luck component involved that doesn't work like that in poker. I can work like crazy, I will still lose a lot of times. And that beats me up I think.
This month I had a good week and made 15k. I was happy about it but not really thrilled as I'm a good player and deserve to win (I know faulty logic). I was at the top of my game and played a lot of hours. I always play a lot when things go "the normal way". Over the following 3-4 days I lost around 3-4k. It's really nothing. A small swing. But everytime it kills me and I get really mad. I also doubt and question my every move during this time because I think I suddenly became a bad player even though I know it better after 3-4 years of poker. This also kills my motivation and I play very little during this time because I quit too often or just don't play.
I bought your book and read it but I didn't do any work because there is too much. And a lot of it is "write / talk about your feelings" which I don't like because I wouldn't know what to write in most cases. And I think I also don't see how this will solve my problems at the table.
Sorry for the long post but I would appreciate your help a lot!
Edit: I just tought of another quick question: What do you think about listining to relaxing / classical music whilst playing?
Yw! Glad you're enjoying it. Let's see if we can increase your enjoyment of this thread even more!
First off, I well done being honest enough to say that you haven't done much work, feel overwhelmed by it, and don't know how to talk/write about your feelings. I think there are a lot of players out there who aren't willing to admit this. To you, it may not seem like much, but it's not standard, so you have an edge just from this fact alone.
The reality is that you suck at because you've never really worked at. Why would you be good? My sense is that you expect it to be easier, or expect yourself to be as skilled in the mental game as you are in poker - are at least not to have as big a gap. Embrace the fact that you suck. Work from the ground up. I'll give you some direction in this post, but the bottom line is, you cannot improve these issues unless you put the work in. You're a hard worker, so ultimately, you already know that hard work is the path to improvement and success. The mental game is no different, but if your expectations are too high, the whole process gets overwhelming, too hard, and no progress is made.
Ironically, I sense that a big cause of your hate-losing, entitlement, and confidence problems are related to high expectations. You expect to win, so when you do win you don't feel good about it because it was expected. It actually makes no sense why you would feel good about something that was expected to happen - but remind me, why is this expected? Why does all the hard work you put into the game expected? Perhaps its because you have high standards for yourself and think that anything less than giving 100% is failure. But, that's not really fair. Fall below your already high expectations and you feel like shit, or meet you expectation and feel nothing. Where's the reward? What are you getting for your hours and hours of hard work? Money for sure, but money very often has diminished utility the more of it you have.
My advice, flip your expectations completely around. The only true expectation is Unconscious Competence because it's the only thing that you own. Everything else is a goal. Everything else is what you're working for, and if you get it - ex, better play, more money, improved reaction to tilt or losing, feel good about it. Being satisfied by what you accomplish isn't going to stop you from working, if anything, it'll inspire you to work harder because you're seeing results.
Part of whats causing the problem you're experiencing now is a lack of accumulation for all those good feelings that have come from accomplishing things but feeling no satisfaction or reward from it. Each time you achieved progress in your game, made more money, moved up in limits, etc, you earned good feelings but haven't cashed them in. That deficit is part of your lack of confidence, and what makes losing 10x worse.
I'd suggest, reading chapter 4 - so you can see how improvement in the mental game happens. Chapter 8 - so you can better understand confidence. Then go over Hate-losing and Entitlement Tilt and start making some small steps towards improving. Progress isn't going to happen all at once. You didn't become a skilled poker player overnight. Start putting the work in, and I'm happy to help you as you go along. Post any additional comments, questions you have and lets get this problem solved, so you can feel the way you deserve to feel about your game.
Re: Music. Ultimately, your goal is to be at the top of the performance/stress curve (Pg. 47). If listening to music helps you do that - even if at different times in a session - then use it. My philosophy is simple: Do what works.
I'm a teacher... You'd think that I would have known that!
