Greetings again!
It's been what, already a year when i started to take poker seriously and had ambitious goals and fantasy about good life with poker ?
haha, i just love how reality kicks you in the nuts more often than you realize, even if you think that everything is as good as that can be...
So in this one year i went through so many things that it's unbelievable i still continiue to playing poker and whats more interesting that i'm still not thrown out of my parents basement(joke,bedroom, but it's the same thing), but sooner or later it will change,very soon...
Poker summary, 2012, June to 2013 June:
Played more than 2million hands, mostly NL2 and NL5 won few grands, was afraid to move to NL10 but i made small shots and won few hundred dollars etc.
Also was whining alot about MTTs, that i'm the unluckiest in whole world etc. but than this year in March i concentrated 10 days only on MTTs and played 16+ hours everyday just to prove myself that i can win it and for suprise i did.
First i finished 12 or 13 in HOT4.40$(first place almost 5k$)(was ahead 80:20 and pot was more than 1.5million) and than finally took first place in 1.10$ for almost 600$ :), i finished playing it 9:30 in the morning,haha, that day i played almost 24 hours straight, good times,good times. Also had other deep runs in other tourneys and finished a lot in top 50th.
As i'm proud with my poker winnings and accomplishments and ofcourse with all this i should already be playing Nl100+ but there's one thing that ruined everything, Psychology .
So in these 12 months my bankroll was up to 2k$ from nothing 4 times, and all the times i withdraw and left few dollars, why ? beats me. Yeah i could say that i had school loans, other smaller loans also i needet to give back 800$ to a friend etc. but it wasn't mandatory, for fucks sake, i could easly say that i will give it back 5-6 months later, cause he was a close friend and he would understand at that time and i could continue to grinding until i'll have enough bankroll for Nl50 and than it would be a piece of cake. The same goes for banks, i could easly pay those monthly payments as long as i would have enough bankroll for NL50, but no, i just withdraw whole bankroll to give everything away and again, staying with a fucking few $ in my cashier...
why,why i'm doint this, why i'm afraid of something, why the fuck i'm afraid of success. haha, the funniest and miserable thing is that it wasn't forced to pay everything back as fast as i can, cause i could easly pay that 6 or 12 months later,pff even years later but instead,without thinking, i payed whenever i had enough bankroll to play at limits where i could easly pay my loans and leave money for, i don't know, fucking LIVING...
But like always, everyone are smart after certain exedent or mistake so yeah, who knows, maybe it's for good, but right now i feel that i wasted my precious and only life for nothing, haha it's sad that we don't have "nine" lifes like cats ♦
Future Poker goals,achievements etc.
Anyway, in this year i read a lot of books like, "Secret of the millionaire mind by T. Harv Eker", ":59 seconds by Professor Richard Wiseman", "Serendipity's Secret by Samantha Babington(my favorite so far)", "How to get from where you are to where you want to be by Jack Canfield", read also a lot of artickles, about success, why people are afraid of success etc.
Also printed an interesting guide from PokerStrategy, don't remember who wrote that but it was called "The quick guide to skyrocketing your (poker) productivity" which i will start to re-read and will(without procrastination) use it to my fullfilment(dunno if used the word right). Also will post every content and chapters in this blog and see how much it will change me and also hope it will encourage others to change themselfs too 
So my main purpose right now is to play poker as much as i can, find a cure to my stupidity, learn poker and also share my thoughts(poker and psychological) to other and see where this all goes.
Also i always wanted to make an poker video(educational) for pokerstrategy and also make a small poker group where i could help other people to be profitable at poker tables(mostly micro at the moment).
but anyway right now my main goal is to get out of my parent house and move to Japan(hope to arhieve both at the same time) and finally use to CAP tables, ahhhhhhh,can't wait.
All the goals and other things i will post later, first need to decide what's else i want to change, archieve so it will take some time
p.s. Thanks for reading
:spade: 
18th July: 
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