You wish to control everything
I tell you your on a good run
Keep up that mindset
Control what you can
Don't let things bother you
You will win
100%
Notifications
Clear all
Its been a long time since the last update.
A more thorough update will come in a few days, now its off to holidays in like 4 h.
Poker:
Poker has not been treating me too well this month. We ran pretty bad but things started to turn around in the last few days of the month. We manged to do 136h which is ok given sports was a factor in my life.
I will only do calculations every 200 which will be roughly every 1.5months to get more and more away from the monthly paycheck mentally which I belive will be an important factor to bring me forward.
A consideration for next month will also be how I plan to scale my income this month. Last month it was battling my fear at higherstakes whihc I think worked out great. I always sat nl500 when the table was good, jumped into an nl1k game whihc only lasted like 20 hands and I moved ot plo 400 where pots become bigger and big pots become more frequent. I didnt have any mayor losses on those hihger stakes so lets see in the future. The rule still stands.
This month its either gonna be more Plo Hu study or getting back again into more 6max NLHE, the probelm wiht plo 6max was that I just didnt find any games.
Weight:
Cant give you an exact weight number since the last days have been very swingy. On the weekend of 2nd september I was fighting and for that I was cutting down to under 97,5kg. Few days before I had 98kg and was only weighing myself after waking up at around 3pm, however at the tournament I would have ot weight in around 11am, so I assumed my true weight for 11am would be like 98,5kg. Given that weight I went on a very very hard cut for 2.5days and only had 1k calories day 1 and only 300 calories day 2. in the end i amnged to make weight which was a fantasic feeling since I swore to myself that I will be up on the scale knowing I did absolutely everything I realistically could, If I dont make weight, life has other plans for me. Long story short I only had 1 opponent in my weight class and fought him 2x. I got fucked with 12-0 and submitted both times, but given my and his skill level I gave himn fucking business. Afterwards he told me he ahd been training for 3 years. Compared to my 7 months or so (10 months or so with 3months injury) there was quite a skill gap. My stressfull typing here doesnt show the excitement I felt and still feel about fighting in the spotlight without any expectations. My grandma and mom who I had not seen for nopw over 3 years acutally came as well which was beautiful to share bevcause fighting is my happy place wher eI feel funny enopuhg the most peaceful. Just typing this gives me the urge to compete again.
Weight going forward:
Funny enough my scale broke so I decided for the near future I will not weigh myself and I will probably not track food. Reason being is my girlfirend mentioning few weeks ago to no weihgt myself for stress relief. It was alsways a stressfactor. Furthermore I wasnt convinced where to go, stay at roughly 97kg or cut down to 89kg. Also with eating whatever I wanted the last few days I realized that I just dont overeat too much anyhow. I gacve myself a freepass. no tracking no weighing and just buying and eating whatever Iw anted to. Except for being at my grandmas house and then going to "leopoldauer alm" (in case somebody I know reads this hahah) whihc has mega portions I never overate by feel. I always get full. The though now before holidays is to come back, and jsut eat normal food with focus on protein of course as mcuh as my body wants and do sports with focus on bjj of course and some weights. I just let my body go wherever it feels like.
Was a time constraint update here, next once coming and then probably wiht some pictures to give this diary some colour!
good luck on the tables, hope to inspire you to become better, chase more, do more, become more and go where you are suppposed to go in life.
ps: I knwo in my typings there are lots of typos, but a reason I never correct them is because I wanna keep it chill and consistently update for longer times. I also never correct a thgouth that I wrote more than 2 sentences ago since it gives me the feel of going with the flow and jsut letting things happen in a chill way. It jsut feels right for now and I enjoy letting my brain type any thought it feels like typing
Random update because writing things down helps me to deal with things and also shows the reality of things.
So the plan was to go to dubai to watch the ufc after some back forth if its possibel to go or not. It turned out to be possible and after figuring out the deatils I found out that all tickets that I found were fake and official ones have been sold out for months and they are not able to being resold. This took a huge toll on me. 1/year I need to make somethign with the money I suffered for and since yesterday I lost complete motivaiton for why I am chasing the money.
Fastforward, On my first grind today after I took someday off poker feels so bad, I dont like poker but on those days I absoultely hate it. Usually emotions are 10x of what I normally feel, but only the negative ones. I went into the the session with onl^y playing lower stakes to get used to grinding again and tomorrow I start back into the normal grind.
I open all the low stakes tbales and then see a plo400 fish that is ultra passive and face up where I never play big pots against. Fast forward and I lsoe over 6BI vs him. I can tell how bad I feel about myself and my life right now. It gives me the feeling of no purpose of waking up because I spent so long to grind for the money in something I dont like just to lose it all and having to spent infinite time grinding it back. Its not reality because its part of it but its my reality right now. I dont see the purpose in doing anything right now, I chase money and suffer for it for the greater good to one day have a life worth living that is not good but great but now after not being able to go to dubai I dont see the reason why I suffer anymore for it because it feels there is no purpose anymore for it, I dont think I felt this year as empty and purposeless as I do right now. I am still in shock after losing this sessions. I know 6BI is whatever but its the first time it happened on plo400 and its the first session back after not grinding for 8 days or so, losing the motivation for a good life and now this session. I cant even describe any emotions besides in the session of shaking which I did probably 1-2 in the recent life, wanting to throw up, being so close to crying. And I dont even see for what I suffer anymore.
Updaatttteee:
Poker:
Poker has been treating me somewhat poorly. I used to say extremly poorly but putting it into perspective its not even a Downswing, it just feels annoying, I am down roughly 5000€ over the last sessions and feels endless because every session is losing but its what..12Bi on plo400 which is whatever.
Struggling to getting used to bigger and bigger numbers has been a theme lately so with that I will go straight into the
General:
I struggle with adjusting to bigger numbers in poker and oversaw the importance of bigger numebers in my real life. A video of graham Stephan auditing the spending habits of Caleb hammer (just youtube it) and talking to my girlfriend made me realize that I need to move on. In the Video Caleb has a youtube channel that generates 6 figures a year and he is a young 25ish year old finance lover. He started spreading his income and diversifying and at the same time trying to minimize spending with saving pennies. Just like I do. Graham a 30year old Youtuber and real estate guy with a 20+mio Networth I believe then told him that he was completly off. Its too soon to diversify because he has a cashcow with his youtube show that he should go all in on and focus on and at the same time the numbers he tries to save in regular life are too small and furthermore the profits he was looking to generate with investments were also too small and take up too much of his time. I foubnd myself a lot in that. That kind of started a spark and talking to my girlfriend lit the fire.
My Plan always was poker - invest - buy real estate/go into a new job. nothing wrong with that, excepot that I dont like poker much anymore and I plan to leave it behind in 3years give or take. Its ok that I daont have the passion for the game anymore, I feel at peace wioth that, but poker drives my life in a more negative part which I kind defnetly try to minimize but can never change to a positive vibe since I struggle with that for a year or so now. Poker is strictly making money for me and kind of even a necessary evil to build a great life in my 30s.
I love invetsing and generating cashflow since it gioves me a feeling of safety and building and scaling something is a passion of mine. The fluke in the plan was however that in order to get out of poker strictly with investments i need 1.2mio to make 3k/month. This takes 5 years to achieve even if I eínvest 20k/month where I am still not. My plan was always to make roughly 10k a month and then be able to invest multiple thousands which grows my portfolio very fast. Which is somewhat true. Being able to say invest 5k on average takes 3.5 years with dividend income to generate 500€/month. 3 years is roughly the time I wanted to be out of poker but 500/month doesnt change annyyythign at all. so being able to invest 5k/month is something most people cant even dream of but it still doesnt get me where i wanna go. So I need to scale my income, but even investing 20k/month takes 2 years to make 1k/month. Thats still not a number that makes a difference in life to really change it. Its an interesting excercise to actually think about which number in income really changes your life.
Furthermore my next step in life will msot likely be real estate, because I can build, scale, calculate and create which I love. The thing is I need to start a company to be able to get a loan from the bank, so money I amke with real estate stays in the company and then doesnt even create income for my private life. SO waiting 5 years or so to make 3k/month If I can invest 20k which I am still far from and then still being in poker is not for me and doesnt come close to what I was plannign to do in the next decade of my life.
Circlying back to Caleb and the Youtube video; I love investing and seeing how I suddenly make 20€/month and then 25€/month, I love it it makes me so happy and investing 5k/month gives me roughly 15€/month which is huuugee because every month I can for example eat out for free! BUT the number is too small to get me where I wanna go in life. making 3k/month passively takes relatively too long and doesnt even get me to where I wanna go, while at the same time I amke sacrifices in my real life to save pennies which sometimes really impact the quality of my life.
So I work a job that often makes me unhappy, safe pennies which someties reduces my quality of life a lot and all that to invest more which at the end doesnt even get me clooosseee to where I wanna be in 3ish years. Sounds like a wrong plan but it was my plan and I was wrong and I was shwon that by my GF and Caleb. And its ok that I was wrong and its ok to adjust.
So effectively to what I changed my future plans are the following:
Poker-real estate - diversify
Poker: max out what I can make in poker.
I belive maxing out for me will be around the 20k/month mark above that it would need nl5 which takes a way bigger Bankroll and another level of skill which I am not passionate enough to reach in poker
PLOHU 600 - 1000
NLHU 1000
6max NLHE 2000
Those are the limits I believe as of right now will be maxing out my income which are not too far away.
It will tkae Bankroll of around 50-55k depending how often I have nl2k action. If nl2k is seldom 40k will even do
Next up I wanna reduce stress, which means for me not loking at results/results not having impact on my life.
So far they somewhat had an impact because I was greedy on investing which I love.
I will withdraw my investments and emergency fond and put it all into my regular bank account to pay the bills from there for the as of right now next 6-7 months. I wanna cashout the other accounts because they make me 20€month but it doesnt feel like securtiy that pays the blls in my head. I wanna forget my bill paying account and now having to check it for months to reduce stress in poker and thats worth more to me than 20€/month
i am reducing stress further by taking on therapy again in the very near future, I messaged my o0ld PLO HU coach to work together again in order to increase my winrate in PLO, because a hgiher winrate = way less variance, after about 1.5ish months I will take up again my sessions with my 6max coach to increase my winrate in 6max.
Apart from those things I also wanna put effort into real life more, meaning to treat myself more often to things that mean something to me, not spend thousands but here and there something cool because saving those smaller numbers doesnt benefit my financial journey in a significant way but it can improve the qulity of my life and make the journey more enjoyable. Assuming I make 15-25k/month and I just safe and my qulity of life suffers I effectively make no money because I sacrifced to make money now I make money, at some point I should use it to better my life. We are not tlaking about suddenly spending 500/month on BS but just enjoying more.
I wanna have around 12months of expenses in my account and the above mentioned bankroll and then go to:
Real estate:
Now I make the most I can from poker, buying real estate can be very quick to build a huge portfolio with that income and realistically I can star RE in around 6months maybe even sooner and as soon as I start RE I can allocate some hours from poker to RE and start a new carreer in something I am passionate about. With mroe RE I can allocate more hours to it and at one point I will be mostly in RE and hardly in poker anymore. So suddenly which took 3 years and was completly wrong in my head can be way way quicker and in my head it feels like a small tiny door opened to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Weight:
Weight I dont know since my scale broke, however I will be fighting again in 2 weeks time betweek 92 and 102 kg so I should be fine either way but will be chekcing up on my weight soon just in case. I didnt track calories whcih was planned, buuuuutt I ahve also been quite lazy which is honestly also ok after 1.5years of commiting to cutting. WIthout tracking anything it still feels very weitrd because I am progress obsessed, but also hear I need to move more towards sustainability. If I achcive a nice physique in say 1.5 years when I track then I need to keep tracking to keep my shape, If I dont track it will probably take me 2 years or so but I will keep it longer since I dont believe tracking calories a lifelong is a solution. If its not a solution for life then there needs to be change at one point.
Change is hard but it feels especially in my state of life change right now really is necessary to progress. Accepting I make good money and focusing on money that really matters and makes the difference is hard for me. Accepting that tracking calories needs to change at point is hard for me but here one of my oldest, best and dearest friends who has made incredible progress in weight by losing as of now 60kg has stopped tracking months ago. We used to push each other and kind of drag each other along since school without actively realizing. He got out of poker because it wasnt for him, it made him miserbale, he was far ahead of me there and showed me of what I will still have to face foing forward, now with calories he unporposely again shwoed me the better, more sustainable way. He means a lot to me as friend and seeing the progress he ahs made going from very overweight to getting more and more in shape, changing his life from a very negative to actually enjoying life and doing what he loves is aspiring. Its a simple job for society but he is very invested in it which shows by his outstanding reputaiton in the field and his interest in learning more and educating himself. Even though he makes normal money which was never my way of life, its something to be very jelaous and very proud of.
He truly is the person I respect most in life for what he has done, my dearest friend pleyer