24.9.2009
Today I really wanted to do a different update.
Let's talk about my leaks (those are not just related to poker, but as everything in our lives, it interferes with poker):
-Leak#1:
I'm lazy. Chronicaly, patologicaly, always. I always perform at 10% of my capabilities, I would do anything to get the easier way out. I would not work for 1 hour today, if that would mean saving ten hours of work tomorrow. I'm dead serious about that. I only become motivated if I'm really excited about something, which off course can never last a very long time. In poker that usually means, that I know I should study a concept, but I prefer to play on and on without a better edge, than sacrificing one day to master something and than being a better player forever.
-Leak#2:
I talk when I should be listening. When I'm debating with someone and the debate gets interesting, I want to express everything that I'm thinking. I would go on and on for hours if someone shows just a little interest. I feel very smart when I do this. The problem with that aproach off course is that I never learn anything that way. Let's say I have a sweat session with a better player. If I'm the one doing most of the talking, I will never absorb anything. Also it will make me look stupid when I'm talking in an inapropriate moment or company.
Leak#3:
I give up. Too easily. When I feel progress in anything I'm extremely motivated. I can go on for hours, I'm 110% concentrated. When I reach a treshold which I cannot pass, I make a million excuses for myself. I blame others, I blame lack of opportunities, I blame everything but myself. I start thinking the world is against me, I fail to accept my leaks, I become bitter when looking at people that are succesfull, thinking they were just luckier or had better opportunities.
Leak#4:
I'm not organized. The top of my desk is a mess. If I would live alone I would probably already started life on earth again in my kitchen sink. The funny thing is I would really love to be organized. I admire people that always have everything on it's place, I just can't manage it. I think this mostly comes from leak#1. In poker this means, I don't keep notes in my opponents, I can't arange a schedule for playing, studying.
Leak#5:
I don't like to be put out of my comfort zone. I just love it there. I would like to play against the 7 same bad guys everyday. I would not miss the challenge, I would just enjoy crushing them over and over and feeling great. I don't feel the drive to prove I'm better than someone, I just want to be winning with the minimum investment of energy. It's not that I'm bad at adapting, I just don't want to.
Phew... It felt really nice to put that on immaginary paper.
The thing that really amazes me thinking about all of the above is that I always prouded myself about being an extremely rational person and yet if you take a look those leaks, they are all completely irrational behavior.
I hope I didn't put you in a bad mood with those and I hope you'll still like me now that you really know me ♠_o:
Have a nice day!