Originally posted by TobyCS
Originally posted by purplefizz
you suck toby
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Today I don't feel like doing anythiiiing, I just wanna lay in my beeed...
Just one of those days... at least I can listen to this song and feel good about not wanting to do anything! I will have to do alot of things, but still, can pretend like I'm not... 
Dno if this is the official video but cute monkeys nontheless! Makes me feel just a weebit better 
So unreal... one week ago, we had close to 20c and spring almost turned into summer...
Yesterday, it snowed. Today, it snowed. Today, it hailed. Today, it's still snowing.
I mean like wtf?! 
Go away! I liked it much better when the flowers were blooming and the sun was shining. 
Last week I walked around without my jacket, today I've gotta put on my winterjacket to go to the store. 
Originally posted by vonki
Today I don't feel like doing anythiiiing, I just wanna lay in my beeed...Just one of those days... at least I can listen to this song and feel good about not wanting to do anything! I will have to do alot of things, but still, can pretend like I'm not...
Dno if this is the official video but cute monkeys nontheless! Makes me feel just a weebit betterreally like the song, and it is the official video (it is written on it btw) but I also saw it on tv this morning.
have a grrreat snowy day
Alot of things have been going on in my life lately. There have been many ups and downs, but sadly more downs than ups.
In all this I try to find my way out, and I do alot of thinking. My life is pretty much a mess and alot of things have been turned upside down. I don't wish to go into details but alot of areas in my life have become messier than they have ever been.
The weird thing about it that I'm not scared nor worried. At least I don't think I am. In the past I have always been worried and anxuis and that has been the problem. Now, I just feel... sad.
I know that things will work out in the end, for they always do. All these problems will eventually sease to excist. Or just not matter anymore. So what confuses me now, is... I've come a good way with detaching myself from emotions. I try to be rational and my brain is able to realize all these things, but my body does not yet agree.
My brain is not tilted. My head is calm and I'm not worried about what the future will hold for me. I know eventually all good things will come to me.
My heart feels like it's bleeding though. It just won't agree with my head. My heart feels like a big heavy chunk in my chest that spreads poision through my vains and makes my body feel tired and sad.
It's a strange feeling, and I somehow also get the feeling I have lost myself in all this somewhere along the way. So what I'm gonna do is spend some time with myself. I need a break from everything. I need to go on a journey to find myself. I don't know what I will find, but I feel like I owe it to myself to at least try to find something.
So I won't be around for a while. I'll make sure I'll update later on though on my progress. 
I'm very much in the same state of mind right now, stuck in my head, sad in heart..taking a break will be ur best choice. I'd like to hear where you will escape or what u'll do..GL whatever u do
So... there has been some progress in the last days I really feel alot better. I try to think alot, and not react as much emotionally, does wonders... So gonna keep working on that.
I also need to get things going with poker again for real. I've finnished some of my exams, have a few more to do but I already feel like I can put some more time and effort into poker again. I decided to set up some goals again!
LONGTERM GOALS
[ ] Move up to NL50€
[ ] Move up to NL100€ (july)
[ ] Move up to NL200€ (before end of year?)
[ ] Create and maintain a good daily routine
[ ] Create and maintain a good playing routine
DAILY ROUTINE
[ ] 2-3 hours freelancework
[ ] 2+ hours playing
[ ] 1-2 hours videowatching/reviewing
MAY GOALS
[ ] 20k hands
[ ] Finish watching "Coaching Kristy"
[ ] Finish watching "Shuffle and flow"
[ ] Improve and adjust to players at new network
Ofc, my daily routine will change later. Once I'm done with school and have worked on my grindingskills I can dedicate even more time to playing. How many times have I not set goals just to fail at them? Without trying again I won't make it either though... It's all we do in poker anyway. We try, we fail and then we try again, and again, and again... until we succeed.
I have a good feeling about may.
I played 1100 hands yesterday and I'm gonna try to get in some decent volume this weekend I rly look forward to sunday. A player from my network is gonna coach me and help me adjust Try to spot some leaks too I suppose. There should be plenty! 
Have a nice weekend everyoneeeee
i know you said to wendy that you wanted to get in the sweat the other week and its been like ~1.5 years since we last did so maybe it will be good for our games. lemme know
thanks thazar! 
@ toby: sure. skype me up
So last couple of days I put in a little bit more work then I had planned. Not that it's a bad thing, for I have tons of work to do. The only problem is that my schoolwork gets put aside for it ♦ Surely won't sacrifice my pokertime
So far I got in about 2600 hands which is not alot... but considering I only played on 2 days it's okay. Gotta keep up playing a few hours per day and I should be on track for volumegoal
I nailed a few exams/oral reports last week so I feel pretty good about schooleffort too. Too bad I have some more exams to nail this week I'd rather have all the time in the world to put into poker, but soon I will... weee.
Looking forward to the coachingsession tonight aswell. I really like the way this guy teaches. Whilst discussing some hands on skype he really forced me to be active in my own thoughtprocess, asking me for reasons to cb and not and asking what range I put my villain on etc. Asked alot of questions to lead my thoughtprocess exactly to where it needed to be, without telling me if I was right or not. Then when he I got to where I should be he explained to me his own thoughts and ranges etc and a couple of things to keep in mind. I really like it because that's one of my biggest issues I think It sticks alot better to my mind if I get to figure all the things out myself.
Hoping tomorrow will be as sunny and lovely as today, spent most of my day on my porch working. The difference between sitting outside working and being locked up in my indoor office is really huge imo. More sun for vonki!
cuddles for everyone!
Oh the mysteries of life.
Sometimes I feel like... I am two different persons. Reality is that ever since starting with poker, my persona started changing. I grew into a very different person from the one I was some years ago.
My prioritys have changed, the way I look at life has changed... and I quite like the person I grew into. But now I find myself having a problem. I feel like the person I am now, is not the same person I am forced to be around some of my friends. They just don't see life the way I do and aren't capable of understanding it either. And being a pokerplayer, I can adjust to them really well and I know what to say and do to please them. But what about me? They can't adjust to me, and the part I play when I am with them is only about 20% of the whole me. So eventually, the 80% of me feels supressed and annoyed.
I mean, what to do? Trying to make them understand is proven much more difficault then I first thought, and ending friendships seem a bit dramatic.
Take one of my girlfriends as an example. She nags constantly about wanting to hang out so she can get out for a bit. I tell her repeatedly, I am superbusy lately and I don't really have time to spend 3 hours sitting in the sun chit-chatting every day. You can bring your pc here and hang here for a few hours (she has alot of problems at home so she wants to get away for a bit she claims) and the answer i get then is "we'll see".
She then says; "I hope things will slow down for you soon so we can hang out more again and I tell her that's not likely to happen any time soon. She goes oh I then again tell her, you can just come here and hang out if you like... I can teach you some about poker and what not. "we'll see". Then a few days later, she nags again...
I mean, it's driving me insane. No matter what solution I try to think of for the problem, it just doesn't seem right. She recently added me on skype too (I use skype pretty much all the time for working/poker reasons but close down MSN to not be disturbed by non-collueges). So she's spamming me all day on skype aswell now. I know where the block-button is but shouldnt she be able to understand on her own i dont wanna be disturbed?
The problem is that I'm to nice. She is going through alot and even her own mom is throwing shit at her atm so I feel like I need to be supportive and treat her the way I would have liked for someone to treat me if I was in her shoes. But that clashes with my busy schedule and my patience.
Gah. Sometimes life is just hard to figure out
Originally posted by vonki
My prioritys have changed, the way I look at life has changed... and I quite like the person I grew into. But now I find myself having a problem. I feel like the person I am now, is not the same person I am forced to be around some of my friends. They just don't see life the way I do and aren't capable of understanding it either. And being a pokerplayer, I can adjust to them really well and I know what to say and do to please them. But what about me? They can't adjust to me, and the part I play when I am with them is only about 20% of the whole me. So eventually, the 80% of me feels supressed and annoyed.
True story. I'm in the same spot...
Nice post.
keep shining 
for me, Skype is for poker/work only. I do not use it at all for friends etc. it is so -ev. there is MSN for that, FB etc... My advice would be to block her and tell her something like your skype account got hacked or something and you dfont use it anymore.
My opinion
GL
Originally posted by thazar
for me, Skype is for poker/work only. I do not use it at all for friends etc. it is so -ev. there is MSN for that, FB etc... My advice would be to block her and tell her something like your skype account got hacked or something and you dfont use it anymore.My opinion
She better fold to the bluff otherwise it's -EV
You are in a very similar situation as I was 1 year ago, when i was starting 1st time playing hard, and winning serious money (at least for at the time was). Poker was a huge part of my life and it was hard to connect that to the rest of my life interests. After a while I could settle down those things, not taking poker as a huge part of my life, and threat more like a business or profession, instead a passion. I just tought, this will be the way to make my own money, and ive been very sucessfull doing it, and see good prospects following this path.
I can easily take the social negative perspectives I receive from time to time, cause otherwise I would probably be way less sucessfull (not just financially, but for everything) than I am atm. What you are trying to do with your friend is [somewhat] the same as someone trying to force into a religion he believes, and i dont see many positives trying to force your friend to play poker if she doesnt give you any signs that shes open to that.
And in the example you gave about your friend, you probably are taking the wrong perspective. Its ok for her to wanna spend some [quality] time with you, right? And it is ok too to let you choose between free time or poker time (or should I say work time?) Its really up to you what you like most and how much time u wanna give to this events.
The skype problem is no biggy I think. You probably are already with status occupied, so just say that you are working, or just ignores it. If she gets angry, just talk to her face to face the next day.
Ofc this type of problem never will go away completely. Sometimes I have some sick setups where some colleague is calling me to get some work done, and I cant barely talk to her/him on the phone while im multitabling some tournaments for serious money ♠_evil: If its a friend I say im playing poker and cant talk, if its a colleague I just say im working, or wahtever 
Gl vonki, let me know if something doesnt make sense
Another thing outside this. I have some close female friends and particularly one is very rational, making very toughtfull decisions, but when it gets to relations, friends and other stuff she almost completely reacts emotinally. I think this is very important from both man and woman, but I just think if a girl lost his emotions she probably will lose her mind too imo. Woman are so conected to emotions, and it cannot be vanished in a short period and pretend nothing hapenned
Interesting read and I can only reply shortly because I have an exam in a bit.
But the problem is not so much having to force her to understand poker, and accept that. It's more the part where I changed as a person, and most of my friends don't share this perspective of life that I do.
You know, it's no problem that they don't understand poker and respect me playing it, but just the way they see life and what is important compared to what I do. The way I am and act, is just so different then many of my friends, esp the girls. The things we like to talk about, the goals we have in life, the situations we are in... its just so different. I can adjust and listen to them, and give them advice and what not, but they won't understand where I'm going with my life, they're just not on the same level anymore.
If I was still at their level, or if they had progressed to my level, it would be no problem. But the problem isnt to get them to understand just the poker part. It's very hard to explain this in a good way and the more I try the explain, the less sense it seems to have. But I have spoken to a few people, and they completely understand exactly the situation. Someone also managed to give me kind an advice that makes alot of sense. So I'm gonna try that and just see what happens...
And now I wrote more then I intended, have to rush off to my exam. Not feeling to confident about it either, so with me luck people!