Q: How is a fish like Arwen from LOTR?
A: Both can be saved by the river
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I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the hell have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"
"So can you," I said. "This isn't our house anymore."
I remember someone had this joke in their forum signature, can't remember who though:
What's the difference between a professional poker player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you do when a professional poker player knocks on your door?
Pay him for the pizza.
When do you know that you had enough of poker?
When you go to the restaurant and sit after the fish!!!
Jamie Gold.
Also, what's the best way to invest your Sunday Million winnings?
Spoiler
High Stakes SnGs, ldo.
There was an advert on the television asking people to donate money to the donkey sanctuary, so feeling generous i rang the number on the screen
a young woman answered the phone with a cheery " Pokerstars Support how may i help you ? "
For a moment there i thought i had rung the wrong number, but only for a moment !!
Six Jewish men were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg, who is always a loser picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is mine middle name, leave it to me." Goldberg schleps over to the Meyerowitz apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Goldberg declares "Your husband just lost $500." She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" Goldberg says, "I'll tell him."
Love is gambling, not with money but with your heart. You can always get money back, but you might not get your heart back.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/gamblingjokes.html