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Translation request

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Pasiv
Joined: 24.03.2008

Hi.
Can someone who speaks English as a native language could have a look at the following and tell me if everything is ok in terms of grammar?

This is the text that will be used to promote my computer game on Steam, and it will be read by a professional reader, so important to me to be correct ...

The World was corrupted by red plague
Raging socialism took control
Lawlessness and theft become common.
Hungry for blood of whole nation sadists
without reason and human dignity
were parasiting on healthy body of a society.

And when we all thought that there is no hope...
The hope has arrived!
One man said: ENOUGH!
One man declared a WAR.
And he will not stop as long as...

ANY
SINGLE
SOCIALIST
IS STILL
BREATHING.


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5 replies
RiSh421
Joined: 05.10.2013

hi,

The syntax and approach of this text is very bad. Sorry.

You may write this instead:

"The world was corrupted by the Red Plague.
Raging socialism had taken control.
Lawless pariahs and thieves became a common thing to be encountered.
Sadistics and hungry-for-blood were parasiting this once healthy society. "

the rest seems ok.

You might PM me.


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Pasiv
Joined: 24.03.2008

Thank You very much!


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RiSh421
Joined: 05.10.2013

Yw. I personally like the scenario. lol.
What is this game ? Any way I see a screen shot (or else) of it ?


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Pasiv
Joined: 24.03.2008

I will publish a promotional video in few days. I will send You a link :)


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RiSh421
Joined: 05.10.2013

ty. GL.


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