It's been more than 6 months since my last decent tournament score, before that I was crushing, my sharkscope graphs look sick and still keep me motivated but it just seems that i'm never running good again. I took a break in july and spent all month in italy, which was pretty cool life experience, but now i just want to regret it because i spent a lot of money there(the 1000$ i grinded in june just for this trip, which is really not that much but now I want that comeback more than anything).
I returned in august and i'm trying my hardest to grind it back from 200$, it was pretty OK the first week, I grinded it up to 400$ but really it's not satisfying, I finished like 14th, 17th, 9th, 20th in couple of big tournaments but it's not how you make a profit in tournaments....
Every day I feel motivated to really crush and push every little edge possible but then just casual bullshit happens left right and center and after i have 2 tables left i feel let down and start doing other stuff like watch videos etc.
It doesn't matter how good I get it in, it just seems so easy to hit against me it's ridiculous. [Insert best whining you can imagine here] I don't see the end of it.
Nobody in real life would understand me and my only poker friends borrowed money and disappeared.
