1% autist wanking through 2019

Originally posted by VorpalF2F
Hey RedBananya,
I'm glad I found your blog -- definitely will follow this one!

From your first post:

And as people were saying, 30 years old is when u know exactly what you want from life and become more adult like, welp, im still an autist but at least i have some ideas what i want from my life and know what needs to be done to get there

I'm 65 and I still haven't figured it out!

My life has totally changed several times and at least 4 of those changes were after I turned 30.

I'm waiting for the next one, although at my age, that change might represent a challenge...

Using the criteria they use in modern medicine, I may have been autistic or perhaps ADHD.
Back then I was just "fidgety", "can't sit still for a minute", "gets too absorbed in what he's doing".

All the best,
VS

Thanks

yeah same, i went through several changes in my life and the last one was recently when i broke up with my "love of my life". Thanks to that now i'm more aware what kind of relationship i want and what i expect to give back as a man haha because of that i have completely change my view of life and also of who i am. And it is kinda ironic that those "changes" comes when u least expect them and think that u already know everything...

Yeah well i personally don't believe in all these labels that doctors prescribe and throw them around like it is nothing, so no worries, we are all unique in our own way. I read few years ago about ADHD kids and how americans are basically drugging the kids so that they could stay calm in the class and obey, funny is that most of those kids kill themselves when they become adults because instead of giving them guitar or letting them go run in the wild, they just fuck them over because somehow they see that if u are different form others then u are definitely "sick"(of course im not talking about very special cases which of course is like 0.000001% or something :f_biggrin:).

So yeah, being " fidgety, can't sit still for a minute, gets too absorbed in what he's doing" it just means that u need to do something else of what other think is right.

Anyway the modern science is still a big joke and hopefully this generation or next one they will fully fix it, otherwise we all gonna become a walking pill eating zombies

Ok, had my second coaching and i had a lot of tagged/selected hands that i didn't know how to play ,so we went through them and learned so damn much haha, can't even believe how bad i was a week ago and no wonder i was break-even in 500 tourneys( i was up like 100bi in 0.25$ but if i was able to win something there with my shit game then at least it is good to know that poker is not dead yet ).

Anyway, learned a lot, push range from blinds if CO-SB opens, learned so damn much about bvb play which is fucking awesome because previously i had no idea what to do against a lot of opponents and now i have a much clearer plan how to isolate and punish them for playing bad. Also gave me some charts that i will use in bvb and against late opening ranges. Also learned that his way of playing is raise,bet, allin, so basically 95% is just pure aggro no slow playing or doing other stuff which will take some time to get use to. Also he teached me how to play nut flush draws and it is really really aggro, so again, it will take some time to digest and implement that strategy. So yeah, really happy about learning new stuff that i didn't know before and relearning the old stuff that i have forgotten.

Also i decided that i will stop multi tabling and will only play on 1 table max at the moment and will play 3-4 tourneys and if i want to play more i will go through the hand history and will mark hands that i think might be a mistake or hands/play that i struggle with i will just stop playing and will wait for my next coaching lesson. The idea here is that i will spend much more time on studying than playing because i know my game is still shit and my coach agreed that i have plenty of mistakes/leaks that i need to fix, so i'm gonna take it slow. Basically 80% studying and 20% playing.

But if i'm gonna have a good day or i will have tourneys where im fully in control and make the best A to B plays and make any mistakes then i will continue playing and will do it till i'm gonna start making mistakes. So yeah that is the plan right now, it might not be fun for this blog because i'm not gonna be able to post everyday or every second day but i know that when i will learn what he's been teaching me this blog and my winnings and the whole journey will be much more fun and with a lot of twists haha, so yeah this is gonna be a fun ride overall

Oki doki, had my third coaching and i'm starting to feel more confident at my game, which is awesome. We went through of the thinking process when Opponents bet and what their betting size tells us, which is very crucial at the lower limits and now i have more clarity of what to do when they pot bet or min bet on the turn or river. How to play on flops like QTQ,688 etc. which is very useful for me because i was always struggling with it. When to use protect bets twice. Also we went through some push/call ranges and the most important thing which is CC(cold call). Also we went through 3bet spots and overall im slowly starting to understand the game itself.

Also everyday i'm going through hh( i played 500 tourneys in January so basically i'm going through 5 tourneys everyday) and fucking hell i'm so damn ashamed of how i played haha, i'm really surprised how the hell i was even able to win anything there, so many stupid, button clicking mistakes, thank god i'm only playing on one table right now and marking my hands like a mad man, so that we can go through as many hands as we can so that i can finally start improving my game and take to the next level.

The only problem is that i have like 25 hands marked in 4 tournaments which is a lot because then i need to stop playing and wait for the coach, so the process is quite slow but like i said, i think in the end my game, winrate will benefit from it and when i will finally get into the "zone" i think i will start grinding like crazy.

Also on my free time i started to play PLO cash and i find it much more fun then regular NL, so as i promised myself that when i will 30y old i will stop being a little bitch and will start to take everything seriously, no bitching, no whining, zero depression and if i like something i will give my best and will work hard to learn it/become good at it so yeah, next month or month after next month i will also get a coach for PLO and will learn it. Also heard that Kyyberi is an awesome coach so i will get 10h package from him and i think it will be a good start...

Damn the last 5 days were awful haha, was basically sleeping with 38.5-39 temperature and to be honest i barely remember what happened because i was a walking/sleeping zombie. So this night i sweat like a new born piggy and i feel that my body got rid of most of that disgusting virus, so even if i feel weak and body kinda hurts i can feel that it gets better. Also thanks to the last 5 days i haven't smoked and i decided that right now is the right time to completely quit smoking till end of this years summer or even till 2020, which is unexpected Got a nice app to follow my progression of no smoking and also i don't think like a bum, my chest is light, i finally can taste food and overall feel really good(of course i still want to have quick smoke after eating breakfast or other meals but fuck that, gonna be a big boy and will control my urges).

Anyway i wanted to update on my plans for poker:

Ok here is the current plan for poker:

SNG:

0-100$ - 0.25$,0.10$,0.02$ tourneys ✅
100-200$ - 0.50 turbo 45,90,180 man
200-300$ - 1$ 45man and 180man
300-600$ - 1.50$ turbo 45man & maybe 18man too

Cash:

Gonna start learning PLO in April or May...

Just had my 4th coaching and we went through 25 hands and i feel great, learned how to play on sb(when to lead etc.), how to play on 333,QQQ etc. boards and also we went through some hands that i wasn't sure if i played right, which turns out was okish. But overall i'm really happy of how my game has improved and also having much more fun playing it because of it. Now it is time to finally start grinding and move up through stakes otherwise it is gonna take me forever to get out of these shitty micro limits.

Ok had another coaching and we went through a lot and he was surprised how decent my game was after few lessons but honestly i don't feel like it. Especially when it comes to all these protect bets,value bets and bluff bets, it is just a nightmare, i kinda understand the concept of it but somehow i feel that i'm fucking up more often than i should. My ev bb has dropped to 18bb/100 and even then coach said that is a lot but i still feel that these limits are so bad that u can even get 30-50 bb/ev in a long term. But who knows maybe i'm wrong and i need to stop being to critical of myself and my game and just enjoy and be happy of how my game has improved in just a month or so...

Anyway i have played more than 100 tourneys at 0.50 turbos sngmtts and im up like 12bi or something. I had a disgusting 40bi downswing at the beginning so yeah, still have zillion of hands to go through with my coach and have zillion of hours to play and improve my game and hopefully i will start moving up faster and faster so that i can finally start mixing mtt's and then i think i'll be able to see if i can beat mtt's in general, so yeah fun times ahead

Also last week i was 4 tabling and starting from this week i'm gonna start 5 tabling and see how it will go, if everything will be ok and i will be able to pay attention and play my A game then next week or week after next week i will start 6 tabling, the more the merrier, especially when it comes to sngs...

ok just finished reading Bodo Schaefer: The Road To Financial Freedom and i fucking love this book. Even if it is like my fifth time reading it but it's been years when i touch it and damn, why the hell i didn't read this book when i had 200k$ on my name haha, fuck me

Anyway the book is really good if you want to have a decent plan about saving up money and investing that money somewhere, love this 40-40-20 plan (40% low risk investment, 40% mediocre risk investment and 20% high risk investment) and i'm gonna use this when i'm gonna start putting some money into crypto.

Also he gave you some stuff to write down and make a plan about what you want and how you see the world and in general, what is the thing you really want in your life, which is good because it helped to see that there are sooooooooo many fucking things i want to do in my life that dunno if i will have enough time in my lifetime to do everything but i need to start somewhere right ?
Also he gave interesting plan about paying off loans/debt and save up money at the same time which i've been using for years and it always helps me out. Basically if u earn 2000$ per month and you need 1500$ to pay off for everything(apartment rent, utilities etc.) from those 500$ what is left, 50% goes to pay off loan/dept and other 50% you save up, so 250$ is for paying off loans and other 250$ is to save up. Because we all want to get rid of loans as fast as possible but the thing is that when you pay off the loans u just "restart" everything and start from 0, so if you save up money at the same time you are paying off your dept u will have a lot of money left to use for whatever you want and not gonna start from complete nothing.

And another thing that im gonna start doing is donating money to people who are less fortunate than me. I've always forget this shit and always try to find an excuse to not donate to people who needs it more than me. So starting from now, i'm gonna start donating a little bit, even 5-10$ is more than nothing and also as i promised myself that this year i will not gonna buy any video games, shit i don't need and in general i'm gonna save up every dollar and will invest it/speculate with it, i will make an exception and whenever i will have urge to buy something useless, i will just donate that money to a charity.

So the plan is simple i will donate 10% of the sum i will put into crypto and here's the plan:

So yeah this is the current plan for saving up money/investing and donating to charity

Wooohoo it is done, i have beaten 0.50 turbos. This is such a weird feeling because i was always afraid of turbos in general and thought that they are the hardest ones to beat but it turns out that with a proper game and dedication they are quite easy. Also had a good realization that you can't beat turbos nowadays with just simple push and fold game, that time has passed because i already have at least 6 good examples to share that if you are afraid to play on the flop and don't have plan in general for each position of how to play versus all other positions then you gonna have a bad time and at best you gonna be break even.
I had 6 regs at my table that basically were playing 2k-4k tourneys per month and all of them were break even or slight loser, they had zero plan post flop and the only thing they were decent with was push and push/call and even then it was kinda ancient, so yeah no wonder they can't win much...

Anyway i've been spending 2-4h everyday studying, going through the previous day's tournaments, going through each hand and just finding a spots were i can improve my game. I started to 3bet more, i had plan for everything and it finally payed off. Even made a special folder where i screen shot hands in all the stages in the tournament and will divide them later as Early stage, middle stage and late stage, ft and hu. I already have 50 different spots screenshoted and many more to come later on. I have more than 500 hands marked that i will go through with my coach eventually...
Basically i think i'm overdoing it all ♦ because i told coach of what i've been doing while we are not having a coaching session and he was speechless because nobody in his team or himself included puts that much effort into poker haha. Even if i feel flattered i still feel like a noob at poker so can't wait to go more ape shit and start putting more and more time into it.

Anyway, i was afraid of turbos and thought that i will never be able to beat them but with hard work i did it and i'm really happy, right now i know that 0.50 turbos are shit, players are weak and i have improved like crazy in February, so yeah i'm really really happy with how it is going right now.

SNG:

0-100$ - 0.25$,0.10$,0.02$ tourneys ✅
100-200$ - 0.50 turbo 45,90,180 man✅
200-300$ - 1$ 45man and 180man
300-600$ - 1.50$ turbo 45man & maybe 18man too

Anyway, gonna write summary of February later and will take few days off from poker, need to finish reading book "12 rules of life" and want to hang out with my relatives and friends, gonna have fun at the sauna, drink some beer and some herbal tea, so that i can come back new and fresh for the next challenge.

Well it is already 2nd March so it is time to look back at how february went for me:

Got sick with a disgusting virus and was out for 2 weeks. After that had my first coaching session and my game changed a lot, instead of mindlessly betting and hoping that i will luck out and win a tourney i had plan of how to play against certain opponents and most important thing was to have a PLAN for whatever i was doing.
Instead of cbet cause you need to cbet in that spot, i started to think about "should i protect my A high in this spot" or "should i 2-3 barrel bluff in this spot because this board is not in my opponents range" etc. and suddenly my abysmal basic game changed into something much more. I cut down my 12 tabling to 1 tabling and started everything from zero basically. If i had a spot i didn't know how to play out i marked it and left it for the next coaching session, if i had a spot where i didn't know if i played right i stopped opening new tables and just spend my time going through that hand and looking at opponents range and finding the right way how to out play him. It was insane, how big my ego was because i thought that i was good enough to beat the limits without putting any effort...

That was a hard realization but most needed one because i threw away me ego, my years of playing poker and just said to myself, this needs to end and i will spend all my free time to study the shit out of this game, will even mark 100000000 hands if i need to to become better at this game and it was the best thing i've have done in my 12 years of playing poker.
Finally i'm having fun with poker because right now i know that i have don't know anything if it makes any sense haha and it motivates me to study and relearn poker in general.
Anyway, think month i have played almost 250 tourneys at 0.50$ turbos(45man, 90man, 180man), i started at 1 tabling and after 2 weeks of heavy grinding i can easily grind at 6 tables at the same time and it feels great.
Also my bb/ev at turbos are 15!!! I'm so damn proud of myself.
Also every penny you win at tourneys are is just a bonus cause the most important thing is to just study, if you are not fanatic about poker and don't enjoy going through tournaments and spend 100 of hours to analyze your game you will stagnate and poker will start to feel mundane and boring after a while. Poker is like a video game, winning feels great but in the end what matters is your skill and hours put in behind the scene.

So yeah, the last two weeks in february were awesome and i learned a lot and im looking forward for the next 200-300 hours of analyzing, coaching, playing poker in March.

This thread title Gets me every time...

Originally posted by RedBananya
Also my bb/ev at turbos are 15!!! I'm so damn proud of myself.

Good job, buddy!

Originally posted by Juelz84
This thread title Gets me every time...

Originally posted by RedBananya
Also my bb/ev at turbos are 15!!! I'm so damn proud of myself.

Good job, buddy!

thank you!!!

Ok, just finished reading 12 rules of life and this book is fucking golden haha. Still surprised how much wisdom could Jordan Peterson put into this books but i'm really thankful that he wrote this book and shared his knowledge with me and other readers.

Damn, where to start haha...

This book basically is philosofical and takes a lot of wisdom from bible and ancient times and tries to explain what it was and what we can learn from it. Book itself is quite hard and sometimes it takes few times to reread the sentence or even a chapter to fully understand what he meant by it.
I personally learned a lot and gonna use a lot of his wisdom or more like his thoughts of how to live the life to the fullest and how to not become a complete cunt, if it makes any sense.
Anyway, i learned that u need to wake up every morning at the exact time because discipline is good and it is also a good way how to train your body and mind. Same thing applies to eating fat and protein heavy food in the mornings so that your mind wakes up and your body has whole day to digest it and your body will always be thankful for it.
one of the quotes that i like and gonna use it in my daily life "Attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. Dare to be dangerous" basically like one of my friends told me one day "when you go outside, show everyone that you have the biggest balls, it doesn't matter if you don't feel like it, or you feel small or are scared, just when you walk into the shop, look up, walk straight and fake it till you make. It will let you believe that you are much more than you are and after a while you will start believing in yourself and from there the snowball effect will start to roll in your favour" this rule is very important in my case.
Mr. Jordan talked a lot about order and chaos and how it works in general. basically order is when everything goes well in life, chaos is when everything goes to shit and they can't exist without each other. If you want to have an awesome life you will have to go through shit, pain, suffering. Same thing applied to chaos, when everything goes to shit and you feel lost and meaningless you know that chaos can't exist without order so when everything is bad you know that sooner or later it all will change and better times will come, so instead of victimizing yourself, blaming others for your shit life you pick yourself up, and start to take responsibility about yourself and life and everything else happening around you and learn from it.
Chaos purpose in life is to remind you of course that everything that exists is meant to disappear, die or brake. Order purpose is to remind you that it isn't as bad is it looks and if you pay attention to yourself and your surroundings when all the shit gets loose you something better will come your way. So don't need to be scared of order or chaos because they all exists for us as a reminder that we are not perfect Beings and to be honest we need to thankful for it because imagine how boring the life would be if we would perfect in general, right ?
Another quote that i loved " We deserve some respect. You deserve some respect. You are important to other people, as much as to yourself. You have some vital role to play in the unfolding destiny of the world. You are, therefore, morally obligated to take care of yourself" dunno if i need to add anything here...

Basically i recommend this book, it is really well thought out book, Mr. Jordan is really smart and the whole message in the book was for us to embrace ourselves more and do good to others. nothing more or less.

Another thing i wanted to add, after finishing this book i realized that i was still a boy, i'm in my 30s and even if i have traveled a lot and met a lot of people i haven't grown up mentally, i still have a lot of insecurities and i'm not fully living my life. Instead of facing my problems, i go to youtube or twitch to watch something meaningless or just watch porn because that is how i learned how to cope with anger, sadness and my unwillingness to fix something for the last 15 years. All the shit that happened in the past lead me to where i am. I'm working at the job that i hate and i've been hating my life for the last 4 years. Because i allowed people to push me around and use me the way they wanted. And it all is because i was always afraid to speak my mind, stand by myself because i've always been pleasing people and not having backbone to finally tell them that i'm ME and i have a completely different view on life and i don't want to associate with their lives or jobs they are doing. I want to live my life GOD DAMN IT, and if it takes to anger my parents or relatives, so be it. I know that when i'm gonna start living my life and will get to the point when i will become a better version of myself and will start living to the fullest and in a way that i want, they will accept it and later they will be thankful that i had balls to do it. It is time to stop blaming others or myself for life that i hate, instead, embrace your current life and start fixing everything bit by bit. That is all...

Questions that you could ask yourself:

"What might my life look if i were coming for myself, properly?"
"What carrer would challenge me and render me productive and helpful, so that i could shoulder my share of the load and enjoy the consequences?"
"What should i be doing, when i have some freedom, to improve my healthy, expand my knowledge, and strenghten my body?"

Poker: Nothing much, i'm like 40bi down, been running kinda bad and also been not playing my best, have written down what i still don't understand, like how to play Bvb postflop, sizings for c/r, how to play with nuts when you both have huge stacks, more info about hu, isolating limpers with decent hand, how to properly play in 3bet spots IP and OOP etc. etc. so yeah, i already told him that i will need another 3-5h of coaching and he was happy about it. So yeah soon i will go through all the hands and i will beat these micro limits tourneys and will slowly move forward.

Yesterday finished reading another book. This book was very short and easy to read, felt like a very dumbed down version for these kinda of books(financial literature).
Basically this book was about how his Poor dad(his dad was a teacher) thought about what makes you rich and his "other" Rich dad(his friends Mike's dad) and it was fun little book and there were some info that was and is still very relevant.
His poor dad was a teacher so he was working for the government, so he was working for the money, lived salary to salary, never have invested into anything and was always working extra hard for it. Payed all the taxes first and always was short at the end of the month, so basically he worked himself to "death" every month.

His rich dad was working hard for himself, he owned businesses and always payed himself first and only then to the government(taxes). Always was investing money into different projects and the most important thing was that he put a lot of money into himself. Cause the poor dad was a teacher and nothing else, he had one profession and if they cut his salary he went to school to learn more about his only profession and was always against learning anything else(i know so many people who does that haha). So the motto was this "Poor dad knew a lot about a little while Rich dad know little about a lot" a kinda confusing quote but when you re read it, it will make sense because i know sooooooo many people who lives like that.
The book was telling the reading to open their mind and just start to learn about everything, u don't need to be an expert in one field because then you gonna miss out other more important stuff. Same with poker, you should learn how to play NL holdem but it doesn't mean you need to perfect it cause you still have PLO, Horse, Stud etc. and if you learn all of these and become decent at them(not perfect) you will gonna learn much more in the end about poker in general and also your income from poker will increase. That is why i'm learning NL right now religiously while i'm also looking at learning PLO and later other formats of poker because i know that in the end i will enjoy playing cards much more. Also if i will get tired of NL or PLO i can play other formats and still enjoy poker and earn some cash on the side.
Also the book gave some interesting ideas about different investing possibilities, like real estate, different mutual funds, small cap stocks etc. it was really really good because he was just saying don't put a lot into a few baskets but instead put little bit in a lot of baskets(if it makes sense haha) and i love this idea because i'm doing the same thing right now when it comes to investing. Basically instead of putting thousands of dollars in 1-2 stocks, i will put few hundred dollars in like 10-20 stocks.

So yeah i enjoyed reading this book, it was easy, short and on point and i found out that i need to get some books and courses about real estate, how to sell, direct marketing and much more. So yeah, get this book if you want to learn about how poor people(educated ones) and rich people("rebel" ones) think and even if the book is short you still gonna learn something useful and who knows for some this book could be life changing.

Poker:

Still haven't touched SnG cause i'm waiting for my next coaching lesson, we talked yesterday and he promised that we gonna have 1-2h coaching session today or tomorrow, so we gonna go through some hh and 1-2 tourneys and if my game will be solid and if he will tell me that i don't need to worry about running so bad, then i will jump back to grinding SnG's but right now i'm playing cash and "leveling up" my post flop game haha.