Online Journal [10,000$ Bankroll challenge].

Hi AvalonSol,
I like the look of your challenge -- well except for the cold shower part. I only do that when the temperature is > 30C !

Is 4-5 hr of sleep enough?
I typically get 7 to 8 hours, and sometimes more. I'm old though, that might make a difference, but I've always slept a lot.

Can you tell us more about "Miracle Morning"

Cheers,
VS

I was naturally sleeping 4 hr during my prolonged fasts - it felt great and boosted my thoughts process quite a lot - I would like to get back to that and see how that affects my poker performance and the ability to learn.

Miracle Morning is a concept by Hal Elrod, I believe there's a book as well. It is focused around morning habits of successful people. I strongly recommend to check it out, maybe you will enjoy the interview with the author as well:

Thank you for a warm welcome.

Cheers,
A♠:

I've had a very interesting day yesterday.

Most of the morning and early afternoon I've spent reading, creating new set up and preparing to play.

First session started pretty horrible. I wasn't able to focus and I run quite bad on top of it.

Based on the "gut feeling" I started to increase the number of tables, forcing my brain to work properly this way, and I've found out that my laptop just couldn't handle it [thus the set up change].

Most of the day I've played 6 fast tables instead of 2/3. I've even tried to push myself further and played 8 tables for a while.
I wanted to see my mind's reaction, how much it can handle before it goes "puf" - It was a total chaos at the beginning [even with 5 tables] - I've made so many mistakes I've lost count very quickly.

However, few positive things came out of it as well. I didn't have time to dwell on the bad beats, bad decisions or bad run-outs - my attention was needed elsewhere. After a while I've even stopped looking at all ins after I have seen the cards and the odds - "outcome doesn't matter I'm ahead".

I've spiked a hot run and managed to recoup the losses. Then came the "downfall" - pretty sick - not due to the tilt tho - I didn't tilt at all - or at least that's what I think. Maybe I've experienced a different type of tilt, but I felt pretty calm and present - just too much action to handle - but I wanted to push myself to the limit to establish a baseline that I can work with.

I'm not using the alarm clock and for the past week I've been waking up after 4-5 hr. Today I slept 9 hours... I'm not sure what caused it - maybe I needed a reset - maybe because I ate quite a bit of cheesecake that my wife has made - I just couldn't help to try it and you know how it goes, 1 piece turned into 3 pretty fast

Today I'll focus on finding the sweet spot regarding the number of tables.

With leaderboard cashback my net profit for yesterday is: +3,61$

Considering how many mistakes I've made due to the number of tables - how many hands I've overplayed or misread - I'd say it's a pretty damn good result.

I am actually very pleased with myself [not with my performance, but because I've allowed myself to experience this super uncomfortable circumstances, even tho it might have costed me a lot - I wasn't scared to push myself to the limit and that makes me proud].

I've slept much longer than I expected, so I might have problem hitting my hours per day goal. I'm eager to play but I have few things to do before [workout, cold shower, morning rituals, blog].

I honestly feel like a different man - different player - old me probably wouldn't handle yesterday as well.

On the graph you can clearly see that I was forced to change my play style due to the number of tables [red line declining fast] - I just wasn't able to play on 6/8 fast tables like I would play on 2/3. Ill focus on keeping the green one going in the right direction, and after I've adjusted to the new conditions I'll work on the game much more.

I wish you all a great day!

A♠:

18.09 summary.

workout: check
cold shower: check
miracle morning: check

time spent playing: 7 hr 20 min
time spent studying: 2 hr

graph:

leaderboard cash: 10$

--

First session of the day was excellent - I felt present and sharp, decisions seemed easy and I run pretty well. Second session not so much, my mind started to wonder off...

I have to work on maintaining focus for the entire duration of the sessions - I found out that 40min is an optimal amount of time currently [with new intensity], if I play longer I lose mental energy rapidly, so instead of doing 1/1,5 hr sessions I'll do 40 min > 5 min break > 40 min > longer break - basically cutting my sessions in half with short break in between both parts.

Whole day was decent untill last moments - last 40 min of playing I made a lot of marginal and careless shoves/call, losing most if not all coin flips, wasting away about 3/4 BI very fast. It bumped me up on a leaderboard by 4$ tho, saving me a little bit there - I got to learn my lessons and keep most of the money too - thank you universe.

New intensity is challenging for me, that's for sure. It definitely didn't feel like 7 hr yesterday, more like 10 or 12...

I believe I'll adjust to it and it will become easier and easier - I want to work on automating big chunk of my decisions, with this amount of tables its mandatory - Dusty says so and I intend to follow the instructions from the book - it makes a lot o sens to me.

There are times when I'm still trying to play like I have been playing on fewer tables - lets say, that's just not the optimal approach for now.

New set up, new mindset and new intensity got me going again. I feel strongly motivated once again. I feel confident and in control. I'm slowly becoming aware of the amount of work that lays ahead of me... one step at a time - when the going gets tough the tough get going.

Goal for today - 10 hr of play. That means 2,5 hr of study on top of that [80/20 split].

Let's get it going, shall we ?

I wish you all a great day.

A♠:

19.09 summary.

workout: check
cold shower: check
miracle morning: check

time spent working: 8 h
time spent studying: 3,5 h

leaderboard cash: 6$

--

This day was fucking hard.

First I couldn't force myself to start the day properly, wasting a lot of time in the morning. Then after I have finally gone through my routine I was still too tired to play - I opted for studying instead [listening to the poker audiobook while sun-gazing].

When I finally started to work it was ok I would say - I felt quite good. I lost all ins pre while having a bigger pair [AA<KK, KK<QQ, QQ<99] so many times that I don't even consider it a bad beat anymore - it just happens all the time, that's poker I guess.

Let's say I played 6 h properly - taking breaks in between and making sure I am in the right state of mind. However, the day was coming to an end and I had played so little... What the fuck, where did all of this time go ? I felt like I worked my ass off and 6 h of actual play was all I can show for ? How the hell am I supposed to go for 10 h each day...

I pushed myself. I pushed through brain fog and tilt. My game was terrible - unusually passive and forced, just forced - I was too tired to think. Monetary result may not be the best but I've learned a lot.

I won't be forcing play today - I need to rest, seriously I've been working on overdrive these past 2 weeks.

Goal for today: 6h of work + at least 2h of study.

All best,

A♠:

I've just had a very challenging session.

I started on 6 tables, and so I had more time to think decisions through. I started to open more, call 3bets more, make more calldowns and more aggressive plays [some of it was the result of today's study I assume].

Through the combination of bad decisions + questionable decisions + maybe correct/I don't know/prob not necessary on this limit decisions and some pretty unfortunate circumstances I spewed off multiple stacks within minutes...

Tilt started to emerge... Old me would have quit the session as soon as he realized the beginning of the tilt to avoid even more losses, but I am a new man now.

"Quitting doesn't solve anything. You won't deal with tilt by quitting, telling your self otherwise is just being in denial... You have to work through this, you can't just quit whenever you make few bad decisions that costed a lot - you won't be able to work enough hours a day this way - you have to work through this..."

So I started to breathe - still, I felt the tilt rising in my body - I felt scared, my mind shut down, I was unable to think straight I was unable to fold in obvious spots keep on calling down - even tho players on this limit don't play nearly aggressive enough to justify that [it was neither easy nor pleasant].

It was freaking hard.

But I kept going, kept breathing. Timer went off but I kept playing - "I will keep on playing until I calm down and start feeling and playing like myself again"... I added 2 more tables - not chasing loses, trying to get even NO - I don't even look to the cashier, so I wouldn't know anyway - I added 2 more tables to stop thinking so god damn much... It helped...

I won't go over the entire process and what calmed me down, but eventually it worked and I ended the session after 1 H 40 min [instead of 45min - it took a while].

I have no idea how the graph will look - probably quite sick - it doesn't matter tho. In the long run it won't even be noticeable and I believe I have learned my lessons.

What a journey this whole thing is - what a beautiful way to work with your own demons...

It's hard to imagine what kind of person ill be in 6 months but if I continue to work with myself this way I can assure you of one thing - this guy will be mentally unbreakable.

All best,

A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I was naturally sleeping 4 hr during my prolonged fasts - it felt great and boosted my thoughts process quite a lot - I would like to get back to that and see how that affects my poker performance and the ability to learn.

Miracle Morning is a concept by Hal Elrod, I believe there's a book as well. It is focused around morning habits of successful people. I strongly recommend to check it out, maybe you will enjoy the interview with the author as well:

I will check it for sure.
No miracles, but my morning is always the same.
Up when I wake up -- no alarm clocks. I go to bed at the same time every night, so I wake up pretty much 8 hours later. Sometimes 7hr, sometimes 9hr
High-fibre breakfast -- usually with dried fruit and protein as well. Coffee.
While eating, I review all my emails, text messages etc that came in overnight. My phone is silent from 21:00 to 08:00 except for certain contacts.

Originally posted by AvalonSol
19.09 summary.

workout: check
cold shower: check
miracle morning: check

time spent working: 8 h
time spent studying: 3,5 h

This day was fucking hard.

First I couldn't force myself to start the day properly, wasting a lot of time in the morning. Then after I have finally gone through my routine I was still too tired to play - I opted for studying instead [listening to the poker audiobook while sun-gazing].

Are you still doing only 4-5hr of sleep?

When you say "sun-gazing" you're not looking directly at the sun I hope -- you can get away with it for short periods, but much longer can cause damage.

Cheers,
VS

Originally posted by VorpalF2F

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I was naturally sleeping 4 hr during my prolonged fasts - it felt great and boosted my thoughts process quite a lot - I would like to get back to that and see how that affects my poker performance and the ability to learn.

Miracle Morning is a concept by Hal Elrod, I believe there's a book as well. It is focused around morning habits of successful people. I strongly recommend to check it out, maybe you will enjoy the interview with the author as well:

I will check it for sure.
No miracles, but my morning is always the same.
Up when I wake up -- no alarm clocks. I go to bed at the same time every night, so I wake up pretty much 8 hours later. Sometimes 7hr, sometimes 9hr
High-fibre breakfast -- usually with dried fruit and protein as well. Coffee.
While eating, I review all my emails, text messages etc that came in overnight. My phone is silent from 21:00 to 08:00 except for certain contacts.

Originally posted by AvalonSol
19.09 summary.

workout: check
cold shower: check
miracle morning: check

time spent working: 8 h
time spent studying: 3,5 h

This day was fucking hard.

First I couldn't force myself to start the day properly, wasting a lot of time in the morning. Then after I have finally gone through my routine I was still too tired to play - I opted for studying instead [listening to the poker audiobook while sun-gazing].

Are you still doing only 4-5hr of sleep?

When you say "sun-gazing" you're not looking directly at the sun I hope -- you can get away with it for short periods, but much longer can cause damage.

Cheers,
VS

In terms of sleep it varies. I needed more sleep as I added more tables. However, now that I am adjusting to the new intensity, its less draining, so today I slept less than yesterday. I won't be forcing myself to wake up after 4 hr, I might work if I were to play 2 tables, but handling 8 fast tables for multiple hours, nah, I need my mind to work properly - will see how it goes. Maybe I'll focus more on cleansing my body first and let the sleep regulate itself naturally.

I am looking into the sun with my eyelids closed. It has many wonderful properties.

20.09 summary.

workout: check
cold shower: check
miracle morning: check

time spent working: 4 h 10 min
time spent studying: 2 h 20 min

leaderboard cash: 3$

--

By far the most challenging day so far [since I started this blog]. I am very proud of myself - of the work I've done in real time, while playing, dealing with tilt right there on the spot despite the fear, anger and irritation with myself. Amazing!

A♠:

I won't be posting daily summary anymore. Check list doesn't serve any purpose because I just have to do the morning routine in order to play at all - that's the condition. I am not allowed to play otherwise.

Daily graphs helped me realize the correlation between what I felt during the session, my mental energy and the monetary results of that. Right now I would like to focus on other aspects of my business than just profit, so I won't be looking into results at all for at least a week - I want to free my mind from constantly evaluating how much up/down I am and how that affects my goals.

I am spewing chips left and right today playing like a total monkey - I am disappointed with my performance. Will do my best to regain focus and play confident poker for the rest of the day. I believe I can make up for my mistakes by playing with discipline during remaining sessions.

All best,

A♠:

21.09 summary.

time spent working: 9 h 20 min
time spent studying: 3 h 40 min

First 4 hours I was playing like I have forgotten all what I have learned, all that works on this limit, all that's correct and simple... 4 hours of my work were not only wasted - it took a lot of my profit as well - this is unacceptable. I will not tolerate this level of sloppiness and Incompetance in my business.

One good thing is that it happened now, not higher, so it costed less money I guess.

I constantly have to remind myself that this is NL2, these players are just honest - I was looking for spots where lines were so obvious I thought it's forced to look this way [no one could possibly play that much face up I said to myself] so I called, and I was shown exactly what this guy was repping - the nuts, over and over again...

Not to insult anybody - like I said in the beginning - I am not a good player myself. I am however trying to improve, at the moment it seems like improvement lays is the small spots that I can win without showdown, not hero calling down honest players.

I did however catch few bluffs so it wasn't all incorrect...

I want to pay closer attention to spots when I used to overplay my hands in the past - especially overpairs/TPTK/twopair.

Basically all of my studying time I dedicate to improve my mindset. I know that winning on my current stakes takes little strategic knowledge, most of my profit will come from the pots I didn't carelessly lose. I'm listening to the audio while I am cleaning, working out, walking the dog, eating.

I am committed to achieving success. I want to be able to make my living out of playing poker. I realize that it will take tremendous amount of work right now to lay proper foundations - I don't mind working this much - every business has to start somewhere, you don't just open it and start making huge amounts - it just doesn't work this way.

I am much more happy working this way than working for someone else. It is not only a great way of dealing with my own flaws, it also has a potential to become a profitable business.

I want to establish solid routine. One that allows me to work 10 h a day, 6 days a week at least for now, for these few months - I wouldn't want to spend my whole life staring at the computer screen. Grind will pay off in the future - it will, of that I am sure...

A♠:

It sounds like you have a solid plan for your approach to poker.

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I want to establish solid routine. One that allows me to work 10 h a day, 6 days a week at least for now, for these few months - I wouldn't want to spend my whole life staring at the computer screen. Grind will pay off in the future - it will, of that I am sure...

I think that this is doable as long as the 10 h isn't all one big block -- I don't know about you, but that would wear me out.
Breaks are essential.

22.09 summary.

time spent working: 7 h 28 min
time spent studying: 1 h min

I am annoyed with myself, with the stakes I play maybe with poker itself... I am stuck. I lack discipline and mental strength to push through.

This day started very well I was both playing and running good. It changed afternoon and the evening was devastating.

I am tired.

Don't even want to play anymore...

I knew this will be hard - I knew it. It is one thing to push yourself to do manual work while you are tired it is another thing to force yourself to do all those things you set up to do and then work mentally for extended period of time...

I am still checking results even tho I said I wouldn't. The urge to find out how bad was certain bad session is very strong. I think it will be easier to ignore once I build up a bankroll.

I want to remain disciplined. I want to push through. I want to play confident and competent poker. I am capable of all of that I know I am.

I'll drink my coffee, go through my morning routine and then depending on my mental state I'll either play poker or take a day off [meaning rest + study and no play].

A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I am annoyed with myself, with the stakes I play maybe with poker itself... I am stuck. I lack discipline and mental strength to push through.

This day started very well I was both playing and running good. It changed afternoon and the evening was devastating.

I am tired.

Pushing through when you are tired is very, very hard, and leads to many poker mistakes.

I suggest instead, that you switch from playing to studying as soon as you notice the beginning of fatigue.
You'll notice that your studying is not a useful when you're tired, but at least it doesn't cost money!

I enjoy reading your journal -- best of luck!

23.09 summary.

time spent working: 3 h
time spent studying: 1 h
time spent contemplating: 3 h

I spent the rest of the day doing some other stuff - cooking, breathing, watching Netflix, thinking about what do I even want and so on...

After unsuccessful shot at NL5 I decided [for few reasons] to change the room.

My roll is now 140 euro.

I won't be able to play fast tables here, and there aren't always tables running, so things will have to change a lot. Hopefully for the better. I'll study a lot more waiting for tables or I'll adjust my sleeping window [maybe some variation of both factors].

I had pretty depressing day yesterday, but I believe that all things happen for a reason. In other words it didn't happen to me it happened for me . To show me new opportunities, flaws in my strategic and mental game and to test my resolve - are you really committed ? Prove it!

Almost everyone is optimistic at the beginning of the new challenge [we wouldn't even begin otherwise].

Things usually move fast in the desired direction and the positive attitude is reinforced further.

Only few will accept the flow of progress that is present everywhere around us. Even fewer will push through Plato that inevitably comes short after a big leap forward that we started with: 3 steps forward, 2 step back. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. 2 steps forward, 3 step back. 3 steps forward, 1 step back.

This is the assimilation period [time when we take gathered information and make it part of ourselves].
Progress slows down massively and it seems that no matter how hard we push, we can't get it rolling again.

We seem stuck, like we are not moving at all, even tho we were doing so well just a short while ago, and it didn't require nearly as much energy then, to move extremely fast, than it requires now just to stand still.

Physical and mental energy reserves are depleted and this is the point where most break and quit.

Your mind gives up first and it happens around 40% capacity. For example when you are running, mind shuts down first, body always has more to give.

1 out of 10 businesses will survive first 2 years. Of those remaining 1 out of 10 will survive 5 years period. After your company has survived 10 years you can then assume that you created something that will last for a long time unless market disappears in one day due to new technology or other drastic event [there is always a chance you will lose it all due to some random even like fire or earthquake]. Even then you have the knowledge to do it all again in different niche so it wouldn't matter anyway. Your knowledge and experience becomes more valuable than any material possession.

I'm not sure where that came from - I wasn't planning on such entry today. Actually, I didn't have any idea what to write today, I was even considering not to post anything, but it is a part of my morning routine so - we get what we get - that was on my mind...

Dear reader, I wish you all that's best. Cherish your journey even when it seems unpleasant or takes undesired turns. Only looking back you may realize that it was an actual blessing in disguise.

A♠:

I've just had crazy session. For the most part 2 standard tables [there wasn't enough players to play more].

On one table, soon after I added 3rd one, one guy started to open shove 100% hands, lets call him Crazy Pete. Soon enough guys started calling him off with hands like AT/KQs. He lost some, he won some, then he cracked one guys aces with 87s and that begun this guy's tilt. Guy who played very tight and conservative poker until that point now started calling off Crazy Pete much looser, losing 2 times in a row, both times being favorite [crazy run-outs have happened].

I folded few decent hands, being close to call, but deciding not to, waiting for a better spot. Game changed into push or fold basically and I didn't feel like gambling.

I got delt AKo under the gun. I opened for 2,5BB. Surely enough Crazy Pete shoves, that was expected BUT THEN, the now tilted rock shoved as well...

I had about 160BB behind, Crazy Pete had me covered I believe, and the tilted rock had 100BB? not sure [ill post the actual hands after I receive HH].

I stare at my AKo contemplating the fold... How well plays AK in this spot... for 160BB... and my hand just clicks the call button, almost by its own - It just sort of happened. King comes on the flop and I win a HUGE pot.

Next hand, I didn't yet processed what have just happened, I was kinda removed a bit from my senses and perception, I don't know... I am on BB and I'm getting KK. The VERY NEXT HAND. Fold, Fold, Crazy Pete open shoves and tilted rock snap calls. Of course, I snapped it off as well praying to God for my Kings to hold. They have...

I was now looking at the 650BB stack and it happened so fast I didn't even consciously made those decisions, no calculated risk, just clicking buttons while my mind was still working out the odds of AKo in 3way spot...

I played for a short while after and decided I needed to cool off. It wasn't huge amount of money, that's the kicker - pure amount of BBs won in such short period of time caused the adrenaline rush I have never experienced at the poker table before. I've got to taste the other spectrum of variance and I got it served right in my face in a matter of 2 consecutive hands... I tilted I guess... I was not able to play poker afterwards. It all seemed like a dream -I don't even know...

I took a dog for a walk, made sushi for my significant other and myself and decided to post this entry.

I wonder how the graph will look. Sick.

A♠:

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I was now looking at the 650BB stack and it happened so fast I didn't even consciously made those decisions, no calculated risk, just clicking buttons while my mind was still working out the odds of AKo in 3way spot...

Poker is so much easier when Crazy Pete is at your table...

Nice run of hands

First post was googling around for some other old post and came across and just wanted to say

Originally posted by VorpalF2F

Originally posted by AvalonSol
I was now looking at the 650BB stack and it happened so fast I didn't even consciously made those decisions, no calculated risk, just clicking buttons while my mind was still working out the odds of AKo in 3way spot...

Poker is so much easier when Crazy Pete is at your table...

Nice run of hands

Originally posted by Tigsly
First post was googling around for some other old post and came across and just wanted to say

Thank you guys for your comments and positive feedback - it is much appreciated!

23.09 summary.

I'm not sure about time spent because I wasn't playing in my usual intervals > set the timer > join fast tables > play 45 min > break. No, I had to join standard tables, wait for spot and so on. I think I'll establish new routine soon, however I will track time today - it is crucial for me to know how many hours I put into my business - I want to be accountable.

time spent working: 8-10 h
time spent studying: 3-4 h

I am tracking my results daily since I don't have an option to hide the cashier on this room. I'm trying not to look at it during the day, just join the tables and play [my mind is doing the up/down math anyways, I don't know how to stop it, however I am working with "it doesn't matter how much up or down I am in a session, keep playing, focus on the process and the money will take care of itself" attitude].

Since I have to wait 24 h for my hand history I'll post the financial update with the weekly graph every Tuesday [this week will include 4 days on the new room].

I wanted to pay my bills from the winnings but I see now that I might have overestimated my abilities and mental strength. I'll solve it somehow .

Yesterday was a very good day. It started with a BIG BANG. First few hours I was adapting to the new platform, played a bit chaotic, but I was running good, winning most flips for a change - it felt great. Then I run into few coolers, I misread/overplayed 2 hands, both for above 100BBs [both times I projected my thinking process and capabilities on my opponents and hero called - of course they had the nuts and I didn't feel very good about myself but I tried to remain calm and present "At least I allowed myself to call there, it was risky and I prob should have remembered that those players are pretty honest. Mistakes are necessary for my growth, I am learning, so I'll make mistakes, it is okay, It is part of my journey, It will happen, keep playing".]

I made 3 big check-raise-all in bluffs, 2 of them worked, one that didn't run into two pair, so I don't know If it would have worked, I didn't expect him to fold two pair there. I was pretty pleased with myself - "At least I tried. I pulled the trigger. What can I learn from this hand?".

I lost two stacks set into flopped flush and set into set. I wonder If I could have escaped those hands or lose less than entire stack. With the flush my intuition was screaming at me to fold but I didn't listen and jammed over this guy's flop bet-4bet, telling myself that he can have a bunch of weaker than my hands. I'll prob try to analyze this spot, consider few different lines and run-outs, but after all I can't shake this feeling that I knew to fold - I felt it in my gut [impossible ? I believe it is not impossible. I've experienced a lot of unexplainable things at poker tables in regard to intuition - I would like to learn to trust my gut no matter what my conscious mind is telling me].

2d spot I prob could have lost less, maybe not. It is hard for me to fold low sets, that guy hit his set on the river [trip kings]. But again - I had this strange feeling when the K came on the river, like the situation has changed somehow. However, my mind just saw the set, and that was it...

Besides that I want to start analyzing my sessions properly. I want to learn how to do it and establish routine around it. Since I have no ability to play in the morning [no tables] I could go through the Miracle Morning routine I have already established [of which I am super proud of by the way] and then analyze and contemplate the hands from previous sessions. I've never really learned how to do that properly and I feel pretty stupid in regard to poker theory and math behind it.

I want to learn to perceive the hand street by street, with willingness to part with the hand if situation changes, and start to think in terms of ranges. My gamepan is non-existent. I basically freestyle. Of course, I have some idea, I've learned charts in the past and watched a lot of videos, but that was then and I don't remember it precisely. I was lazy, that's why I preferred to play fast tables. I could just ignore my weak spots and focus on those spots I felt comfortable playing - it kinda worked.

Right now I feel like I am weaker than regs on this room. I feel like they can push me around because I don't really have a solid plan or idea what I am doing in many spots. I want to change that. I want to be able to freestyle on top of a solid game-plan and mathematically strong sense of every spot.

Poker theory and math is my weak spot. It is something I don't even know how to begin to learn... I AM COMMITTED THO. If that means learning how to count combos - I'll learn how to do that. If that means spending hours in the equilab [something I also have no idea how to do on my own] - I'll learn how to do that. I will succeed. I will push through. I'll work with every weakness I have In my game, with every uncomfortable spot, with every situation I would prefer to avoid and ignore...

I am not sure how I will do all those things, not yet. My intuition will guide me, as always.

One step at a time...

A♠: