hey out there.
decided to make a small blog of my own again, coz the monkeyblog appears to be all abt cars lately and since i am pretty much a real life fish, i can handle it anymore ♦..
so ok, for some random new wanderers who dont know me yet. I have 23y, dropped uni for poker, play nowadays NL400-2k mainly SH&FR, i plan on starting with 5k deffo within few weeks, just need to get comfy at stakes a bunch more.
I do realize i am a lot psychotic in my life which hinders me a lot in my poker progress too, tho my evolution from microstakes to NL1k esentially was smooth, i dont find any motivation to play a lot nowadays and am more or less happy with ~20k/month winnings+some rb. To a certain extent i am lazy, but to a much bigger extent i think i am not rly unified within me. Well..the dichotomy betw poker and real life in pracitise is just huuge in my case. I have earned quite some money already over last year or so, tho have not rly anyone to spend it with, nor do i have too concrete of plans what to do in life in general.
After dropping uni in november coz i didnt feel its neither effective nor possible to combine good academical results with poker pro carreer i feel sorta empty again. My initial goal was to play poker for ~2y to have earned all i need for the rest of the life and then carry on in normal life .. uni, family, travelling.. etc.. however this in essense requires rly a ton of sacrifices to be made now and i dont rly have energy to suffer so much anymore.
I dont feel like i have a strong will to live in any particular style. I experienced periods in my life in which i was kinda nerdy, just studying all the time, then i ve been a real active sportsman for a time, later i tried to play chess professionaly, had some romantic relationship which fell apart, ve been in monkeystyle drunken mode too and now i am a poker plr. Usually when i do sth i need to do it with 100% focus coz thats how i feel i get "value" in life.. by being good at w/e i take on.
Now i am getting pretty much to a point in my poker career when i dont see any more options than to go all by myself. There are no plrs anymore who would play at high stakes who at least i know off who would be eager to analyse hands. And overall, most ppl just play poker for immediate money and are happy with beating midstakes or sth.
I dont like that attitude and am sure its not the most +ev, coz there are a LOT of weak plrs on NL2k+ still.
Lately i started going to gym regularly to get myself into the best possible shape for what i consider my work: being alert with a lot of stamina over the tables @ nights. But i have to face the inevitable if i want to rly succeed: SOLITUDE
Yesterday i realized how incapable i rly am of having any sort of relationship with any normal girl which kinda sucks, but lets hope i can somehow work my way through all this.
Yea, so this is what the blog is going to be abt: my wading through the jungle of esp real life obstacles /pokerwise it appears to be much easier for me/ in order to be a great highstakes plr asap.
) in real life as well as in poker. i dont want to define my position, cuz it would take too long and its your blog, i dont want to soil it 
or i am not sure, but i rly am a man of extrems and i have to make the best of where my strong sides lie.