Well the last few days have sure been interesting. I think this whole experience of learning poker is something I can relate to learning how to snowboard.
When I want to progress in something very quick I get boarder line obsession, when I was 13 I decided I wanted to learn to snowboard, and while on a trip to a ski resort in Banff Alberta, I decided I was going to learn it then. So I rented a snowboard, signed up for a lesson and was ready to go. The Australian who was my instructor was probably a little hung over from partying the night before, because he basically showed me this is how you slide turn, go do it! Really no idea what I was doing I spent the next 30 minutes falling every 6 feet while my instructor watched, saw me fall, and would say it's all about feel, try to stand up straighter. 30 minutes in I felt like I was making no progress consistently falling and having no idea what I needed to change other than standing up straighter. I felt more an more frustrated, every time I tried to slide turn I would end up eating snow. Increasing frustration, meant getting up again with my form getting worse and falling harder and more frequently. Until I was told to take a break, I refused I was going to get this down, and it was happening today. By the End of the lesson I was worse off then when I started. By this time my instructor had given me all the advice he can give, and was done. The next 2 hours everything was getting worse. With the hill closing soon, I was clenching my teeth with anger not even trying to learn anymore just getting through the motions of falling on my face. On the last run running on pure anger the last attempt at slide turning ended with my breaking my arm.
The last week in poker was very tough. I have been so obsessed with getting better, I would spend all my downtime at work reading through hand evaluations, and strategy articles. Trying to get out of Nl5 as fast as possible, and like with snowboarding I was fixated on the end goal, not navigating the path to get there. My mindset was not in good condition. My Job is very mentally intense, and spending a lot of time at work, deriving equations, and writing code, I feel like of mentally exhausted when I came home. So I would use sugar to try to perk myself out, and while it works in the short term it is a killer in the long term. So combining this pitbull mentality with decaying my mental performance Thursday led to playing pretty terribly. Losing 2 BI's when I should have lost one. I called it quits. I was pretty mad at poker, and like a sign of divine intervention my account was locked. This forced me to take a break and it really made me reflect on my entire attitude towards this. I had really hurt my mindset, and I was spending all my time with poker and not leaving much for anything else. I hurt my mindset, and at the same time i feel I tried to progress to quickly with doing fancy plays.
This reminded me so much of learning to snowboard, there is only so much learning you can do in a day, and expecting results that just are not attainable is going to drive you backwards, and can lead you to getting in pretty rough shape. (I do want to note that the instructor I had in my snowboarding story is not an implication towards Manu or Beibaer, those guys are more than amazing, and extremely nice/helpful/allthecompliments!) So I have fallen again, but this time I am going to take it slower, and might not try to force out the certain volume, as I noticed when I was playing I was playing for results, and not for fun. This caused me to be VERY VERY results orientated, and put me on tilt. I felt like I was going back into my old ways. This was another trip and fall, but the path is long, and I have all the time in the world.
Moving forward, I am going to put poker second to the gym, this was kind of reversed before, and on days where I didn't feel like going I would use poker and an excuse, and was so worried about volume that I used it as an excuse. This is a double edges sword, because with my mental game hurt I am playing my C game, and not taking in the learning I should be. So If I can only play an hour or something, then so be it. I am also going to get ride of the fancy play syndrome, and monsters under the bed syndrome. This is going to be done with what I think is the base of all poker: hand reading. This is analogous to macro in Starcraft. If you have ever played terran in starcraft 2 then you have probably herd of Filtersc, and know that macro the main building block for winning games. While I think Hand reading, and having good range abilities is the same idea, if you can't read the opponents hand, you won't know when to bluff, and you won't be able to value bet. You will be playing level 1 poker, and those guys don't crush nl400.
Results orientation needs to go, the only thing I am going to be evaluating my play on is what the hand judges and coaches say. Money won or lost, I am just not even going to look at. (Which is going to be easier said than done.) This will get me to the next level faster than feeling shitty about myself for having a bad day. Also going to talk about everything in big blinds. Not Money, the more I can distance myself from the the better. I need more big blinds to get to the next level of play.
I do have to say I am a little disappointed in myself for having to make another post like this, as I think I have made a few, but I think it is important that I do do this, so for those who read it and go through similar problems will know they are not alone. The big lesson i have learned here is keeping yourself in check before doing other things. I think that for me to do well, I need to keep myself in check, and doing what I did the past few weeks is a bit of a destructive path.
I have my account back and will most likely play some hands. I am curious for feedback from those who are reading on what they think, or if they want to share some of their experiences.
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