I found this to be quite funny. ♦
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comes a woman in the sausage store
can i have somethig of the fat one?
no shes in school!
Originally posted by BradNitt
comes a woman in the sausage store
can i have somethig of the fat one?
no shes in school!
This is likely the same sausage maker that sat on his sausage-making machine and got a little behind in his work
Player A made a huge raise preflop and was call by Player B. The flops appear and the Player A made a c-bet and the Player B calls the both check down to the river and the Player A showed AQ and player B showed 42o and won the pot with a pair of 4.
Player A: Where are you from Russia?
Player B: No
PLayer A: So Russia isnt the only country with fishes
The Table: lol
♠_evil:
Mike - i got the sack today at work
Dave - what for ?
Mike - i put my finger in the pickle slicer
Dave - they sacked you for that ? What happened to the pickle slicer ?
Mike - Oh she got the sack as well 
US soldier comes to Iraq to serve in the army for 2 years
After 5 months of desperation, he asks fellow soldiers:
"how do you guys survive this long without sex? I just cant stand this, im a man and i have my urges"
colleges: "do you know that big tent in the south-east corner of the camp where the animals are? Well, go there in the middle of the night and use the camel, but dont let anyone see you"
the soldier thinks abot it, but decides he is not that desperate yet, but after another 5 months without sex, he just cant resist anymore, borrws some lube and sneaks out in the middle of the night, goes to the tent, finds the camel and does his thing.
next morning he asks the felow soldiers:
"how do you guys do it with the camel? i tried for hours, but it just wasnt the real thing"
collegues: "what do you mean? just hop on the camel and go to the nearest night club"
♦
There was an old woman in front of me at the checkout in Sainsburys today.
She said, "I've dropped my purse and I can't bend down to pick it up."
I said, "In that case, you won't mind me moving in front of you, while you keep trying."
Heard this one today made me chuckle,
a young woman goes to the doctor and says i need advice of a sexual nature
what would you like to know ? the doc asks
well says the woman ive seen my boyfriends privates but i dont understand what all the bits are
for example what is the purple thing at the end called ?
well said the doc we call that the k nob and its to stop ya hand slipping off
ok she says and what are the 2 round things 21 inches from the k nob ?
How Fekkin FAR ? !!!!!!!!! says the doc
21 inches she replies
well for your sack love i hope they are the cheeks of his arse !!
theres an advert on british tv asking people to donate money to the donkey sanctuary so i rang the number on the screen
a woman answered the phone with a cheery " pokerstars support team how may i help you " ?
for a moment there i thought i had the wrong number but only a moment
-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
-When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
-They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.
I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I'm getting pissed off.
It keeps asking me, 'Where do you want to go?'
So I click on the icon that says 'Home' and then it makes me start again.
These will probably be old now but...
Some guy who had too much phone sex got hearing AIDS.
Have I told you my deja vu joke yet?
Originally posted by gadget51
Have I told you my deja vu joke yet?
No, but when you do, I'll have the feeling that I heard it before.
Are you interested in Time Travel?
If so, The International Time Travel Society will hold its inaugural Meeting last Tuesday in London.
three logicians walk into a bar. the barman asks them "do you all want a drink?".
the first answers "i don't know".
the second also says "i don't know".
the third smiles and says "yes".
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' '
And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
'I cannot say.' '
Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed Father.'
'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'