[Closed] I have no idea what I'm doing...

Just a quick update today, and probably for the next 6 weeks or so as my kids are now off for the summer, so my free time has evaporated! Currently grabbing 5 minutes on the laptop with a cup of tea while they amuse themselves with a bag of multi-coloured feathers and some PVA glue...

As I knew it was my last chance to play in the day for a while yesterday I made the most of it, and had 3 good sessions. Unfortunately some of my old habits (ie. stupid decisions and terrible calls) snuck into my play, so the final result wasn't as good as it could have been, but having reviewed the session this morning, I'm happy with all but 2 of the hands I played. Unfortunately those 2 hands cost me 2 stacks, but it's all a learning curve, and hopefully they're mistakes I won't make again now...

Otherwise, I'm really happy with how my game is progressing. The mistakes happen far less often, and blind stealing has made a big difference to my overal results, as I'm no longer losing 4 or 5 stacks just to the blinds every session.

I can't remember whether I've mentioned it before, and don't have time to check back in my blog, but I've now bought the licence to PokerTracker, and I'm trialling TableTracker, which I really like at the moment. I bought the licence before my trial expired because I want to be able to run it on my laptop, rather than the desktop in my bedroom, for times when my wife is in bed (she's a nurse and works odd shifts, so some nights she's in bed by 6pm or asleep all day). I just need to figure out a way to share the database across the 2 machines and I'll be sorted. I'm thinking perhaps a pen drive or external hard drive - how big do these databases tend to get? I have a 16GB pen drive that I don't use for anything, so I might give that a try.

I'm closing in on a bankroll that could support NL20 now (aiming for $120 as per the SSS guide). My question to you guys is, should I move up as soon as my bankroll allows it? Or would you recommend a certain number of hands at NL10 first? I've played less than 10,000 since I started, and most of the bankroll gains have come from bonuses rather than actual poker profit. At what point can I safely say I've beaten NL10? (I know I'm a long way off that point yet...)

My advice as regards to your bankroll query (and from personal experience when I played the SSS) is you should try taking a few shots at NL20 when you feel you are playing well, and stick to your normal limit the days you are feeling a little less confident.

If you are in profit at NL20 after your first 10 sessions, and feel comfortable with the increased bet sizes, and possibly different betting patterns then it's probably time to make the leap.

I had a day off from playing yesterday, as I'd played every day since I started nearly 2 weeks ago. Instead I used the time to re-read some of the articles on here, catch up on some blogs, watch some of the videos, and have a think about what I'm hoping to achieve.

As I mentioned in the opening post of this thread, I'm currently a full time student, and will be for at least the next 2 years (I'd quite like to become a lecturer so might be adding another year on at the end of my degree to qualify as a teacher). I don't work. In fact for a couple of reasons, I can't work. Firstly, I have 2 young children, and as my wife is a student nurse she is working some very long hours with no consistent shift pattern. For example, over the next week, she's working 1200-2200 Saturday, 0700-1500 Sunday, 1400-2200 Monday and 0700-1930 Tuesday. She's then not in for a week, and then starts a week of 1900-0730 night shifts. So I need to be here to look after the kids. But also, because of the ridiculous way the student finance and benefit system works in this country, for every pound I earned in a job, I'd lose at least a pound in student finance and benefits (it's actually more than a pound for the first couple of hundred pounds a month I earn, and then evens out to around a pound from then on). So we can't actually afford for me to get a job!

What this means is that for large parts of the year, I have a lot of free time. I finished my first year of uni at the start of May, and I'm not back until October. Then I finish early December until late January, then I'm back until the end of April and that's it for year 2! I'm busy during school holidays (like now) because the kids are here and I have to keep them entertained, but for large parts of the year I'm home alone. Even when I'm at uni, I'm only actually there for 2 days a week.

During the last year, I've spent this free time mainly playing video games. Around my house I have 2 Xbox 360's, a Playstation 2, Playstation 3, Wii, DS, PSP, iPhone and half decent gaming PC. So I wasn't short of things to do. But around a month ago I finally got bored with video games, and decided I needed something a little more challenging, which is when I came back to poker having not played for around 3/4 years (and I was a losing player back then).

When I started playing again, it was purely with a view to giving me something to do with my time. I was spending over £100 a month on video games, and was happy to put a similar sum into poker. But then I discovered this site, and found out that I didn't need to be a losing player just playing for fun. I could actually make some money doing this!

Which leads me to today. I got my $50 starting capital around 2 weeks ago, and it's currently standing at just over $90 after around 10,000 hands grinding at SSS. So I've started having visions of spending the next 2 years of my studies playing semi-pro poker (I'm not saying I'm good enough to be pro, but as I can't do anything else, that's effectively what I'll be even if I'm losing money!). So I suppose it's about time to put some goals in place if I'm going to take this seriously. So here goes...

I'm not putting any time limits on any of the bankroll goals. They'll happen when they happen, I'm not in any hurry. I think it's important to keep revieiwing how I'm playing and reading about poker, as this is what will allow me to improve. I don't have any plans to cash out any money at this stage, mainly because I don't know how it will effect my student finance/benefits (if at all). I don't need the money, and I'm really playing just for the challenge of learning and mastering the game.

I know this has been a long post, but I thought it was important to get some goals in place so that when times are hard and I hit another downswing I can remind myself what I'm trying to do!

It's good to see that after a day off and lots of studying I've not lost my ability to turn a winning session into a break even one with a couple of crazy plays:

I knew he had an ace, I don't now what I was thinking...

This next one I'm not taking all the blame for, because I have no idea what the other guy was thinking. But I had promised myself to stop getting involved in marginal pots from freeplays, so I should never have got myself into this situation in the first place:

And just to top things off, I went all in when I new the other guy had an ace again:

I thought I'd gone past making bad decisions like this, but obviously I haven't...

Well I think I've just experienced tilt for the first time! Started my session about half an hour ago with the plan being to play most of the evening (my wife's at work until 10.30pm).

In the last half hour I've lost $10 of my $90 bankroll playing my usual NL10 SSS. I lost with AA against QQ and KK against AA, which I can accept as just one of those things.

But as the session went on I was getting more and more frustrated that I didn't get called with a big hand apart from those 2 hands that I lost. The following is a list of hands that I raised with and got no callers: QQ, QQ, 88, 88, JJ, QQ, QQ, AA. Yet when I tried to steal with K4, A6, 94 I was either called or re-raised immediately.

For the last few minutes I felt the anger rising in me, and I started to make some bad decisions, so decided to call it a night. But not before it cost me another buyin:

Everest - $0.10 NL - Holdem - 9 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 3

LP: $14.04
CO: $4.70
Hero (BTN): $2.00
SB: $5.54
BB: $3.58
UTG: $2.97
UTG+1: $2.10
MP: $9.70
MP+1: $6.00

SB posts SB $0.05, BB posts BB $0.10, MP+1 posts DB $0.10

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.25) Hero has A♦ T♠

fold, fold, fold, MP+1 checks, fold, fold, Hero raises to $0.50, fold, fold, MP+1 calls $0.40

Flop: ($1.15, 2 players) 7♥ K♥ K♣
MP+1 checks, Hero bets $1.50 and is all-in, MP+1 calls $1.50

Turn: ($4.15, 2 players) Q♥

River: ($4.15, 2 players) A♣

Hero shows A♦ T♠ (Two Pair, Aces and Kings)
MP+1 shows 8♦ K♦ (Three of a Kind, Kings)
MP+1 wins $3.89

I need some time away from poker this evening I think before my bankroll disappears completely!

I wish I'd listened to myself...

Within minutes of posting my last message, I was in a $1 MTT! I had no idea how to play an MTT, so I ended up getting blinded out after an hour or so. I then went straight back into 6-tabling SSS, and my form didn't improve.

I haven't reviewed the session yet, so I'll post more details later, but I think over the evening as a whole I lost around $20! Which is a big chunk of my $90 bankroll...

I think I'm recovered from it now, and looking back I should never have been playing last night. I was tired anyway, but as my wife was out and I was bored I decided to wash a couple of Pro Plus down with a cup of coffee. All that caffiene put me immediately on edge. Combine that with 2 young children who didn't want to go to sleep, and I was far too stressed to even be thinking about poker.

I paid the price for a terrible decision in playing when I shouldn't have, and hopefully I've learnt my lesson and won't do it again...

One thing that did come out last night is that I'm getting frustrated with SSS. It's becoming very mechanical, and this is causing me to play too many tables and take too many risks post flop to try and add some variety to the session. This is obviously not going to be profitable, and I think the solution will be to switch to BSS as soon as possible. I really enjoyed the MTT last night even though I had no idea what I was doing, and it was nice having some decisions to make post flop.

Unfortunately NL10 is the lowest limit available on Everest, and I obviously can't play BSS on NL10 with a $70 bankroll. I'm about half way through unlocking my $50 starting capital on Everest, so I'll have to continue playing SSS until that is done (which will be another 10,000 hands or so). From there I'm going to be looking for a new poker room. I'm also selling some of my old videogames to put towards a BSS bankroll. If I can generate enough to get my bankroll up to $250 I'll stay at Everest and switch to BSS there, if not I'll move to Full Tilt with whatever bankroll I have after another 10,000 hands of SSS.

I know this is another long post, but I think it helps my game to get all this off my chest!

Lastly, I've managed to convince one of my mates to go to Dusk Till Dawn in Nottingham with me on 19th August, so I'll be playing in their £10 beginners tournament. I'm really looking forward to my first experience of live poker, but I'm going to need to do some reading up on MTTs over the next few weeks if I'm going to have any chance of getting deep into the tournament.

If this hand had happened last night while I was tilting it may just have pushed me over the edge:

Everest - $0.10 NL - Holdem - 8 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 3

CO: $13.09
BTN: $1.80
SB: $1.90
BB: $14.64
UTG: $1.20
Hero (UTG+1): $3.23
MP: $1.55
MP+1: $5.65

SB posts SB $0.05, BB posts BB $0.10

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.15) Hero has K♦ A♥

UTG raises to $0.35, Hero raises to $3.23 and is all-in, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, BB calls $3.13, UTG calls $0.85 and is all-in

Flop: ($7.71, 3 players) 9♦ 5♣ 6♥

Turn: ($7.71, 3 players) 6♠

River: ($7.71, 3 players) 6♣

Hero shows K♦ A♥ (Three of a Kind, Sixes)
BB shows 9♠ K♣ (Full House, Sixes full of Nines)
UTG shows Q♥ 9♣ (Full House, Sixes full of Nines)
BB wins $1.71
UTG wins $1.70
BB wins $3.80

This hand made all the bad beats and lack of action from last night worthwhile. I'd been stealing this guys blinds for about half an hour. This was the first time he decided to defend them ♦

Everest - $0.10 NL - Holdem - 9 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 3

CO: $2.25
BTN: $3.60
Hero (SB): $2.65
BB: $9.77
UTG: $2.00
UTG+1: $10.25
MP: $20.46
MP+1: $2.34
LP: $2.00

Hero posts SB $0.05, BB posts BB $0.10

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.15) Hero has A♥ A♦

fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to $0.30, BB raises to $0.90, Hero raises to $2.65 and is all-in, BB calls $1.75

Flop: ($5.30, 2 players) 6♥ 5♠ 8♠

Turn: ($5.30, 2 players) T♣

River: ($5.30, 2 players) Q♦

Hero shows A♥ A♦ (One Pair, Aces)
BB shows 4♥ 4♠ (One Pair, Fours)
Hero wins $4.96

Finally got round to playing in the Everest new depositers $1000 guaranteed freeroll. Only 117 entrants, and they're paying all the way down to 100th place! Very odd. Currently in 20th place at first break with 70 players left, with just over average chip stack.

Expect me to post again in a few minutes with news of me crashing out in 70th place...

In the same way as my last MTT, I played hardly any hands and the blinds caught up with me. In the end I pushed in with KTo when I had only 4BB left. I made my straight but the villain hit a full house on the river and I was out in 47th place for $4. Which is bette than nothing and pushes my bankroll bank over $80, but I really need to learn how to play MTT's before I attempt another one...

I'm reading The Poker Mindset at the moment, and because of that I've decided to try and look at my results only once a month for a monthly review. Hopefully this should give me a more long term view of my play rather than worrying about winning or losing each session.

I've played for a couple of hours, and I already think it's helping. I lost a couple of stacks early on, but despite that I'm happy that I didn't make any mistakes. Any money I lost was money I was supposed to lose, and that feels fine. I'm definately going to carry on like this until the end of July, and I'll see how the bankroll is looking then before I decide on what to do long term. At the moment my bankroll is around $74.

It's been ages since I've posted in this blog, mainly because I don't feel the need to use it as therapy when I'm playing well, as I have been for the last few weeks. But tonight tilt caught up with me again, even though I thought I'd beaten that demon...

The story of my session (there's a summary at the end for those of you who don't want to read all the hand histories):

20:51 - First hand, Aces in the big blind:

At this point, I can laugh it off, label the opponent a donkey and move on...

21:02 - My first deviation from proper strategy:

I don't know why I called on the river. I tried to justify it by saying I had good odds to call, but really I think it was just bad play. I should have stopped playing at this point! I'd promised myself I would stop as soon as I noticed I was playing badly, as this usually leads to tilt. But I overuled myself...

21:04 - I start to claw back some of my losses with a blind resteal. I'm still not sure if this is a good play or not...

21:06 - I run into my second donkey of the night. Looking at the hand now, I probably would have played it exactly the way he did if I was in his shoes, but at the time it got me rather upset, especially after the aces earlier on:

21:11 - I run into another donkey, but this time I benefit from it!

21:50 - Now it's my turn to suck out on someone!

At this point I was actually ahead for the session. Only by around $0.20, but ahead all the same. I was still upset about the earlier bad beats though, and was convinced I was still behind and trying to control tilt by laughing off bad decisions by my opponents and trying to play well. Again, I should have stopped here, because I knew I was getting frustrated, but I was convinced it wouldn't effect my game...

21:5 - The straw that broke the camels back:

After everything that had happened, the thing that pushed me over the edge wasn't another bad beat, but frustration at my own bad play. I shouldn't have made the continuation bet with 2 other players in the pot and no kind of hand. From this point on I was steaming, and determined to prove to myself that I could control tilt by making good decisions for the rest of the session regardless of results. Again, I should have stopped here because I knew I was angry with myself.

22:08 - A coinflip hand that I was convinced would turn my session around, but in fact pushed into fully blown tilt because of the madness of it:

Normally I'd laugh a hand like this off. But by this point I was swearing at the computer screen. Again a sign that I shouldn't still be playing...

22:14 - The final shocking decision that pulled me out of my tilt and convinced me to stop playing. I have no idea what I was thinking...

22:17 - Instead of leaving the games straight away, I waited to complete each table to get full value from my blinds, which gave me time for one more balls up:

At this point I did just close all my tables and went and had a little cry.

For those of you who didn't read it all, and I don't expect anyone did because it's such a long post with so many hands, here's a summary of this session:

Played 479 hands in 90 minutes, and lost $9.25 (92.5 big blinds!). I lost $7.90 through bad beats and/or bad luck, and this caused me to throw away another $4.55 with the kind of bad decisions that I'd hoped I'd eliminated from my game. Not impressed with myself.

Sorry for the length of this post, I don't expect anyone to read it all, or any of it really, it's posted purely for my own therapy. Hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes this time. Although I've said that before...

I actually read it all, although I am looking for distractions from the poker tables for a couple of hours after winning one midday session against mainly euro regs/nits I'm trying to hold out for the mass US donk feast to hit the tables ♦.

I used to play an awfull lot of SSS and looking at your hands only two were played really badly, and out of strategythose being the A-High call on the river, and the A-High shove.

The JQ shove is marginal but really depends on your opponent. And he obviously isn't the greatest, lets be fair, calling an all-in with A,3 os instead of giving up for the sake of 3 BB's is just madness imo.

The C-Bet with the A,Q can also be justified if yuo opponents were tight as they may of completely missed this flop and in their mind you could be sat with an over pair to the board. I think the rest is just standard (and in some cases harsh) variance. We all run into bigger hands at some point, but we have to learn to deal with (I'm not good at it myself).

Also, with the nature of the SSS you'll find that your swings are very up and down and rarely ever just plodding along like you do with the BSS (Unless your me).

Enjoy the Poker Mindset, I did immensely and good luck for the future

Been reading this blog since I joined and was a little upset when it wasn't updated for a while, although I know you are obviously busy with your kids. I don't think you made any horrible plays in the hand historys posted above, however I do think you are making a massive error with your buy-ins. With such a small starting stack, you are effectivly destroying your ability to bluff, outplay opponents, or bully. Without these tools, you are increasing the amount of chance involved. My advice would be to move to a different site where minimum blinds may be 0.01/0.02$ and buy in for the maximum. This will allow you to add much more variation to your game.

What is your bankroll at now by the way?

Keep up the good work!

Thanks for the feedback guys, I'd not checked into the blogs section for a few days because I was on a bit of a poker downer after the session I posted above.

I did really enjoy The Poker Mindset, but still find sessions like that one very difficult to deal with.

And Swanny, I agree with your comments about short stacking. After 15000 or so hands I decided it wasn't for me, and after a few days thinking it over, decided to give SNGs a try rather than change to BSS. For some reason I find the bad beats much easier to deal with when I'm only losing chips rather than cash, even though I've bought into the tournaments. Hopefully I'll get over this in the future and be able to have a proper shot at BSS, but for now I'm leaving cash games behind.

My new blog is here if you're interested, although I guess it'll be near this one in the history as I'm updating them one after the other!

If a mod close this thread for me now that would be great, as I don't plan to update it any more.