Poker's Life Lessons: You learn from your friends
In his latest piece on how poker affects the rest of your life, Barry Carter discusses how your peers have an impact on your successes and failures.
One of the profound lessons I have taken from poker came less from the game itself and more from the people who were crushing it. Having worked at a strategy site for a number of years and also working alongside successful coaches like Jared Tendler, I often muse about what the best way to learn poker is. Is it books, coaching, videos, webinars or something else?
I tend to ask this of professional poker players when I interview them, usually right after a big win. I’ve interviewed hundreds of players over the years and overwhelmingly the answer is the same. The way the best players learn the most effectively is talking about the game with other elite players.
It might be because it’s social and doesn’t feel like learning. It might be because you get outside views ripping apart your game. It might be because other great players inspire you. It might be because you are competitive and don’t want them to eclipse you. Whatever it is, the best players learn from each other and the big winners tend to have a solid crew of poker friends.
You are the average of your friends
There is a saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, which highlights how influenced we are by groups. If you spend all your time with drug addicts and criminals, things probably won’t work out great for you. If your five best friends are CEOs of successful tech companies it will probably inspire you to better yourself.
This lesson has really helped me in life to decide who I want to spend the most time with. My friends will always be my friends but I particularly like to spend more time with the friends who are doing much better than I am. One of my friends has just bought a massive house in a nice area, something which has made other friends quite jealous, but I love going there because it makes me want to level up my own house too.
Maybe more important is using this lesson to cut out or keep at arm’s length the friends who can be quite toxic. I used to have a friend who seemed to really resent everyone he came into contact with and used to relish whenever somebody he knew had something unlucky happen to them. I also have relatives who only seem capable of complaining. I used to think it was more important to stay loyal to friends and family but now I realise life is so much better cutting out the people who are only happy if they can bring others down to their level.
Cut out the bad influences
Maybe one of the clearest ways you can see the influence good friends have on your lifestyle is spending more time with a friend who is in good shape. A very good friend of mine is a former Olympic level swimmer who, as you can imagine, can beat me comprehensively on every measure of strength and fitness imaginable. However, whenever he spends extended periods of time in the UK (he is Australian) I tend to eclipse whatever fitness goal I am working on, especially when we go to the gym together. If you have a fit friend, I highly suggest you ask to join them at the gym.
Some people would rather spend their time with folks who are not doing as well as them, so they can feel much better about their own lives. I think it is a much healthier practice to try and spend as much time as possible with people smarter and more successful than you, people who intimidate you rather than make you feel better. Or at the very least, look for the people who make you feel worse whenever you spend time with them and try to, at a minimum, reduce the contact you have with them.
Previous Poker Life Lessons
Do you think you are the average of your five closest friends? How have your friends influenced your life? Let us know in the comments.
