Firestone's Law of Forcasting:
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
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My doctor asked if anyone in our family suffered from mental illness.
I replied "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square... it's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
Husband to wife: "Your friend said that you sound like an owl"
Wife: "Who"
Husband: "Hey, they're right!"
Mrs Vorpal made pancakes last night, but she did it without telling me.
She felt the need to be syruptitious.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes.
That would be boring.
Spend 30 seconds in my head.
That'll freak you right out.
