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One day I was mowing a lawn suddenly, my wife came and said I misplaced your all documents and your degrees I think I through it accidentally in the dustbin. After hearing this, the color of my face is changing. I ran into my room, open my cupboard, and it was there. That's was the worst lousy joke I ever see.
What do you call a cow with two legs but both on the same side?
Spoiler
Lean Beef
Bonus:
Spoiler
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Spoiler
Ground Beef
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together.
Spoiler
I shit you knot.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A man has a favourite clock.
All his life he has been soothed by it's tick tock tick tock
One day the clock starts just going tick, tick tick
He takes the clock to a local repairman operated by a retired spy.
"Can you fix it?" he asks?
The repairman replies, "Of course -- we have ways of making it tock!"
General Motors will make a car for the Norwegian market.
It will be called a "chjevrolet"
It will be called a "chjevrolet"
I've just read that all the wildebeests in Africa have been replaced with robotic copies. I'm pretty sure that it's fake gnus!
Just in case you had never heard SDK1987's joke before...
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind.
Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.
The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
