Mental Coaching (2) - Tilt : a Different Perspective

Introduction

In this article

• A shift in perspective
  
• A secondary gain - the advantages of a disadvantageous situation
• The real roots of tilt
  
• Your tilt, your opportunity
  

In this article, we readdress the topic of tilt and look at it from a different angle. This perspective will give you new options when you experience bad beats or other unpleasant things. Moreover, you'll learn a simple technique to suppport you in quickly accepting "negative" situations.

A shift in perspective

What is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? The optimist goes through life with positive expectations, the pessimist with negative ones. The difference here is how their expectations are formed, as both parties have them.   Correspondingly, the answer to the question above is either "expectations" or "there is no difference, as both have an expectations".

The poker reality and bad beats

Flipping out or whinging during a bad beat is emotionally understandable, although from a rational point of view it's embarassing at best. Consider the entire situation. Poker is a game of skill, if it's played with method and over a long period of time. What happens during a bad beat? Your opponent wins a hand which he shouldn't have according to your current expectations, as you thought you were the winner. If the same situation occurs repeatedly, you'll win in the long run according to your probability.

“You have it in your power to turn a bad-beat around simply by realizing this simple truth: The more bad beats you encounter, the luckier you are. It's a sign that you are playing against opponents who continually take the worst of it, and if you can't beat someone who always takes the worst of it, you can't beat anyone.” ~Lou Krieger

Secondary gain

The term "secondary gain" is borrowed from the medical profession. It means any hidden bonus/advantage that a sick person can draw from their situation. For example, a man with back pain, who doesn't need to work as a result.

The term is used in the following sense in this article:

"Secondary gain is any hidden advantage that the agent can draw from an unfavourable situation."

The affected party is often not aware of this advantage. However, subconscious processes are often more influential than conscious, controlled attempts. For example, you realise that a fat burger isn't healthy, however the hungry feeling you have tells a different story. Secondary gain is dependent on the person, as each person pursues different needs and goals.

Here are a couple of examples of how (subconscious) positive aspects can result from conscious, negative behaviour:

 Where secondary gain is concerned, it's often a question of excuses. The subconscious seeks to satisfy our basic needs. This is clearly recognisable in certain situations. For example, you get hungry when your body needs food. In other areas, for example, where attention and other social aspects are concerned, the process is a bit more subtle. So behavioural patterns which have regularly been successful in the past are repeated, to satisfy an existing need. Even though it's possible that this behaviour was actually successful in a completely different context.

Hannes learned subconsciously as a child that he got attention if he screamed and threw his teddy across the room. Twenty years later Hannes continues to follow this behavioural pattern, albeit without knowing it, only now he throws a monitor when he has a bad beat.

Often, an external situation (bad beat, train delayed etc.) is used as an excuse for a person's otherwise "inacceptable" and unusual behaviour on the day. In other words:

"Everyone is responsible for their actions and has the freedom to react to them as they choose."

However, the path of least resistance seems to be to blame the situation. This apportioning of blame goes hand in hand with wishing for a different, "better" situation. The difference comes from not being able to accept the reality for what it is.

If we see tilt in terms of secondary gain, then there are two possible sources: an unwillingness to accept the situation or a conflict of values.

Unwillingness to accept the situation

This situation is described well in Krach-Bumm-Ente's article “Preventing Tilt: Working on the Heart of the Problem” in the section “The root of the problem”. You are reluctant to accept a situation for what it is, as you believe you're right. This "believing you are right" is the notion that you know how reality should or has to be. You almost behave like a small, willful child, throwing a tantrum on the floor of the supermarket because mummy said he couldn't have sweeties. This might fly with mummy but to the dealer or the poker server's algorithms, its relatively irrelevant. 

It's not the situation itself which makes you tilt but your inner resistance. Resistance comes because you don't want to accept circumstances for what they are. As soon as you accept circumstances as a given, your resistance disappears and you can deal with the situation more appropriately and for exactly what it is. You can train acceptance. The Sedona Method is a widely used technique.

The Sedona Method

This method is simple yet effective. It consists of asking yourself four questions. You can use this method for any type of negative feeling. One possibility, for example, is anger due to a bad beat.

Now to the method, which consists of asking yourself the following questions. Here it's important to simply answer honestly and spontaneously and to get in touch with yourself.

• 1. Can you accept this feeling at this moment?

Be honest with yourself and spontaneous. The process here is more important than the answer.

• 2. Could you let go of this feeling now - just for this moment?

We can let go of any feeling at any moment, if only the impulse to do so is strong enough. Although it mainly occurs indirectly. I can remember well how I used to hold my girlfriend's hand all the time. We were once both right in the heat of an intimate moment, when suddenly somebody started wildly banging on the window. It was so loud, we jumped up in shock and nobody was really in the mood any more. Hence the indirect question, whether you could let the feeling go, just for a short moment. As with the first question, the process here is crucial.

• 3. Would you want to let go of this feeling?

Again, be honest with yourself and spontaneous. The question focuses on what you want. The ability is therefore presupposed.

• 4. When? When would you let it go?

By admitting when you will let it go, you acknowledge that you can and will do it.

The method is useful for accepting negative situations more quickly and in this way, letting them go. It works best if you use it regularly. Ideally, you should start by using it on smaller irritations. For bad beat anger, it's wisest to think about a bad beat in the past which still affects you emotionally, but only has a limited effect. If this method works for you, you can use it directly in sessions which aren't so great. With time it will become possible to use the method in short breaks or even directly after a bad beat.

Conflict of values

A conflict of values occurs if a person behaves contrary to their values. For example, if a person is convinced they are "a good person" but they act "badly" or "not well" according to their value system, then a unpleasant feelings develop. In the article after the next one you'll experience more convictions, known as belief systems in the specialist jargon.

The convictions you take with you are ones that you have accumulated over the course of your life. A lot of it is taken on unfiltered from your surroundings - from family, teachers, friends and media. In this sense, there are some among them which should turn you into a model pupil/citizen. You've probably often noticed that many social conventions aren't in tune with poker or the poker lifestyle. In particular because the poker lifestyle touches on many thorny social topics: work, regular income, tax/legality, "earning" money etc.

Most people have to work hard for their monthly income. In addition, for them poker is akin to something between an incalculable game of luck and a very risky hobby. So, if you then happen to mention to someone that that you've just gambled away or won an average monthly wage in a couple of hours, it's an attack on that person's world and self-image.

If you consider the topic of money, there are the following potential value conflicts:

• Money alone doesn't bring happiness!?
• Is poker a fair and just way to earn a living?
• How much per hour is suitable for you - for your self-esteem / effort?
• How much money is it acceptable to earn per hour, i.e. when would it be considered "decedant"?

These questions may make you think or even put you under pressure to explain. At the same time, you need to note that these questions are posed consciously and openly. The situations in life are largely complexer and values lie in the subconscious, which works more effectively with simple phrases. However, in a conscious state, you can hold a discussion and evaluate how a solution can be reached, while your subconscious normally just reacts and mostly in a way that isn't very balanced.

If it is simply immoral for somebody to earn more than 20 euro per hour, then it's very possible that the subconscious will correct this and keep sneaking in errors. This self-destructive behaviour helps to avoid a conflict of values, as the person would consider an hourly rate of 50 euro immoral. Another example is that most law-abiding people feel under heavy pressure as they are in a grey tax area.

Tilt as opportunity

When you tilt, it's a sign from your subconscious that something is amiss. Maybe that you've gone too long without a break and aren't concentrating on your game, or your convictions are at odds with your actions.

Take this as feedback from your mind and/or body. You can use the acceptance of this feedback to take care of the basic challenges. So tilt is a symptom or the bearer of bad news. Just take a look at a few examples.

So your tilt provides useful advice, not just for your poker game but also in putting your life on a more comfortable track. It indicates when you are neglecting your basic needs or if there are conflicts.

Summary

The aim of this article is to provide a new perspective on tilt and to see it as an opportunity. All behaviour has secondary gain and recognising this will help you to change your behaviour.

In the next article, I'll address how to change behaviour and show you how to develop positive poker habits.

About the author: Carsten Bruns is a successful mental coach. He coaches and holds seminars for amateur and professional poker players. He has been a successful poker player himself for many years at mid and high stakes.

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Verwandte Artikel: Mental Coaching (1) - Introduction